What if....

When I was a sophomore in college, I traveled to New York City with Pam and the OU Ad Club to visit several New York advertising agencies. This was a time in my life when I had no idea what I wanted to do, what I wanted to major in. I started out as a print journalism major, and I think by the time I traveled to the Big Apple I was on the 5th major and it was Interior Design.

Anyway, on a whim I headed east. Advertising had never appealed to me, I'd never thought about majoring in it. I just knew I did NOT want to work in newspapers, and after years of excelling in the craft--I didn't want to write. Pam was an advertising major, and had been talking to me about it for some time.

I remember a lot about that trip, not the least of which was the thrill of traveling on my own (without the parents) and feeling like a complete adult. But what I remember most was a visit to one of the agencies. I could not even tell you now what the name of it was, or who their clients were, or what they said. But I remember stepping off the elevator on the 50th floor of this Madison Avenue sky rise, and my eyes falling on the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Manhattan. I remember it was slightly overcast, which gave the entire view a purple haze. I remember feeling completely and totally entranced. And I remember feeling like that was it. I had found the place I wanted to call home--a place where I wanted to BE Somebody.

New York does that to you. I'm sure once you actually live there, you might feel differently. But there is nothing like that feeling you get when you're in New York. You feel important, just walking on the street. It feels like you've traveled to a different planet, like nothing else in the world matters except what's going on in New York. As a visitor, you can spend your entire time feeling like you're living a "Sex and the City" episode...but eventually you come home, or you move there and can only afford a roach-infested 300 square foot studio and you probably come off that high. But New York will always be magical to me.

I decided then and there that I was going to major in advertising and move to New York after I graduated to work for some major agency. And that was the goal I worked toward over the next two years. My major changed slightly (again) to public relations, but the goal was always the same. Having a dream like that helps pass those long nights cramming for midterms.

I often wonder--what if I had gone to New York? What if I packed up everything, risked everything, and just did it. Would I have made it? Would I have been happy? Would I even have found a job? I am convinced that the answers are yes, yes, and yes. I'm sure that if I moved out there I would have made it. I might still be there. I would have found great friends, and I'd probably be working 18-hour days and loving every minute of it. At least I like to think that!

But I made a choice in February of 2002. I made a choice after I got an instant message from an ex-boyfriend, just saying hi. I made a choice after we started talking again, after I broke up with the current boyfriend, after we went out on our second "first date". I knew then and there that my heart belonged to him. I felt as strongly in that moment on that date as I did when I was standing in the middle of New York. It didn't matter where I went--I would never be "home", I would never "make it" unless I was with him.

It's a true testament to God knowing so much better than any 20-year-old ever could. If I had gone to New York, how different life would be. I would have been happy, yes, but I wouldn't be able to do the things I do here every day. I wouldn't be able to stop by my sister's work and visit anytime I want. I wouldn't discuss books and husbands and life with a group of girlfriends once a month over fancy new recipes. I wouldn't go out to dinner with my mom, or take weekend trips to Missouri. I wouldn't listen to my nephew hum "Camptown Races" and play "air trumpet" in the middle of Texas Road House. I wouldn't watch the nephews play YMCA-league basketball. I wouldn't get to hold one of my best friend's babies 5 hours after she was born. I wouldn't get to see every Sooner football game on TV, or be able to head to Owen Field for the day. And I wouldn't have simple nights at home watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" with that ex-boyfriend who, luckily, turned into my husband. I would be somebody, I would be somewhere--but I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be 10 minutes from everything in the world that really matters.

How exciting life would be had I gone to NYC. But, oh, how glad I am that I didn't.

P.S.--welcome to the world, Riley Haws!