Heather at Production not Reproduction has posted the third forum for the Open Adoption Roundtable. This time we're to discuss our wish lists for our open adoptions.
I didn't participate in the last one, which was about the birth father. I've been kind of quiet about Colt's birth father because for 1) there's not a lot we know about him, but 2) there is a story there that we have to keep close for Colt's protection. I certainly wouldn't say he's a bad guy, because I don't know him and we didn't even find out his first name until recently. What I do know is that we are eternally grateful to him. One day I know Colt will be curious, so I hope we can find out more.
In the meantime, the personality traits we're seeing in Colt reflect so much of N, his birthmother: laid back, easy-going, generally happy, strong tolerance for pain, tough spirit. I hope some of it comes from us and the environment he's in...but we definitely don't look at him and wonder where he gets his sweet spirit from!
So, in the meantime what are my wish lists for this open adoption?
1) That we can build a healthy, perfect relationship with N. One that's easy, natural, and positive for everyone involved.
2) That N can accomplish all she dreamed for herself. So much of why she made the decision for an adoption plan was because she wanted more for her life than what being a single teen mom would provide. I pray that she can realize those dreams so that her decision will have meaning for her. I know Colt will be proud of her either way, but I sure hope it turns out like she hopes. I have this dream sometimes that we can attend her nursing school graduation and Colt is a little older and runs to hug her in her cap and gown. So when she sees him, and sees all she's accomplished she knows all that pain and hard work and tough decisions were worth it. I don't know if it will happen, but I pray about it a lot.
3) That Colt will always think of us as his parents. It's that selfish feeling that comes up for all adoptive parents. I want him to have a relationship with N, I want him to love and respect her and honor her. But at the end of the day I wish and hope that when he sees me he always sees me as Mommy.
4) That someday we can adopt a sibling for Colt, so that he doesn't have to put up with us by himself forever! And to have someone who knows this experience inside and out like he does.
5) That our experience changes the hearts and minds of people we touch. That everyone we know now knows someone who has adopted. In an open adoption. Not only lived through it, but waded through it gracefully. I pray we are the examples God wants us to be, that people look at us and see his perfect love and plan for bringing families together.
6) That no one ever refers to Colt as our "adopted son". That he's just our son. And this is something I need to work on. It's not that I throw that out there as a qualifier, I do it more because I love, love, love telling our story and talking about our agency and about N. But I know how fiercely protective I am of anyone referring to him as our "adopted son" as if he's any less our son because we adopted...therefore I need to protect our story a little more in everyday conversation. That's a strange line to have to walk.
7) That adoption is not weird, not a reason for therapy or endless behavioral excuses. That it's just part of Colt's birth story. That it's natural and positive and simply means he's surrounded by more love than he knows what to do with.
It's kind of an exhaustive wish list, but I'll work hard to make it happen!
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Monday, July 06, 2009
The Fourth
There were no shortage of photo opportunities this weekend, no fewer than 4 patriotic outfits the 6-month-old wore (only 1 that Mommy washed every night and rewore to every event). We swam, we cooked out, Daddy set off fireworks, we paraded, we played outside, we played inside, we napped A LOT, we ate baked beans EVERY DAY. It was an eventful weekend that pushed this little man to the edge and back.
But the camera just wasn't used like it should have been. So what you see is about the extent of the photographic evidence of a really exhausting, super fun weekend. We even had to pass up some super fun parties because there was just so much to do and Colt was just so worn out! But I can say, he is proud to be an American and very happy to celebrate Independence Day.
By next year we'll have him saluting soldiers in the parade and waving sparklers on the back porch. And eating more baked beans.
But the camera just wasn't used like it should have been. So what you see is about the extent of the photographic evidence of a really exhausting, super fun weekend. We even had to pass up some super fun parties because there was just so much to do and Colt was just so worn out! But I can say, he is proud to be an American and very happy to celebrate Independence Day.
By next year we'll have him saluting soldiers in the parade and waving sparklers on the back porch. And eating more baked beans.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Waterbugs
One of the best things about Colt sitting up by himself all the time is that bath time is soooooo much easier now! And he seems to like splashing around, so naturally I looked forward to getting him into a pool.
And even though POOL means that I have to get into a bathing suit, I SO wanted him to like it. I found this adorable Giraffe swimming pool at the giant cheap retailer of choice (that I love to hate and hate to love) for only TEN dollars! Anna's parents had a dryer out of commission so we were a regular working laundromat for them and thought Anna might enjoy her first pool experience that night, too.
Luckily, we have two MAJOR waterbugs on our hands! They LOVED the pool, both laughed and splashed and kicked in the water. We realized after the sun was setting the water was getting very cold and neither was complaining. They just played with each other's feet in the water and the toys on the side. Eventually we brought them in for warm baths (separate, of course, what do you think we're teaching these kids?!) and they conked out not long after.
Also, visit Anna's blog for a funny video where you can hear my son's ewok laugh. It is HILARIOUS. Like a nervous laugh, but also a laugh when he's REALLY tickled!
Tomorrow we're headed to a BIG KID pool to float around and really have some fun. In the meantime, this is a pretty fun backyard alternative! Enjoy!
And even though POOL means that I have to get into a bathing suit, I SO wanted him to like it. I found this adorable Giraffe swimming pool at the giant cheap retailer of choice (that I love to hate and hate to love) for only TEN dollars! Anna's parents had a dryer out of commission so we were a regular working laundromat for them and thought Anna might enjoy her first pool experience that night, too.
Luckily, we have two MAJOR waterbugs on our hands! They LOVED the pool, both laughed and splashed and kicked in the water. We realized after the sun was setting the water was getting very cold and neither was complaining. They just played with each other's feet in the water and the toys on the side. Eventually we brought them in for warm baths (separate, of course, what do you think we're teaching these kids?!) and they conked out not long after.
Also, visit Anna's blog for a funny video where you can hear my son's ewok laugh. It is HILARIOUS. Like a nervous laugh, but also a laugh when he's REALLY tickled!
Tomorrow we're headed to a BIG KID pool to float around and really have some fun. In the meantime, this is a pretty fun backyard alternative! Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Grandmother
I have to tell you, I'm so very fortunate to have all 4 of my grandparents still living. I try not to take that for granted, I think of them often.
I'm particularly close to my mom's parents, mostly because they live closer and were the ones we spent more time with growing up. But to lose any of the four of my grandparents would be devastating.
Today we found out that Colt's birthgrandmother passed away. This was an incredibly kind, sensitive, loving, caring woman whom we had the pleasure of meeting several times. She not only helped raise N, Colt's birthmom, but she supported her through her pregnancy. She sat in on every meeting with our adoption agency. She drove N to the hospital numerous times during labor alarms. She held her hand as she gave birth to our precious son.
She kissed and held that boy while we drove to the hospital to meet him. She embraced us with open arms when we walked in the room. She comforted N as she spent time with Colt in that cold hospital room. She picked out many baby outfits and blankets for us to take home for him. She made sure to tell us about all of N and N's father's great qualities, obviously proud of the children and grandchildren she'd raised.
She walked with N across the hall to hand Colt into our arms when she checked out. She hugged us and assured us he would be a good boy for us. She kissed him, she loved us, she cried with us. And then she escorted her beloved granddaughter out of that hospital empty-handed and held her crying for months after we brought Colt home.
She laughed as he kicked and giggled when we visited her house in April. She listened intently to every detail of his growth and development, wanted to hear every story we could tell. She dug through her scrapbooks to find pictures of N as a baby for us to see and compare Colt to. And once again she kissed his sweet head goodbye as we left that day.
And my heart breaks that it was the last time he will ever see her. I mean literally breaks my heart.
She was THE support N has in her life. She was the glue that held that family together and they need lots of prayers during such a tremendous loss. I'm so thankful I have pictures of Colt and Grandma A together, because boy did she love him.
This adoption process, this welcoming of another family into yours has such effects that you can't prepare for. No one prepares you for how you'll feel when someone in your child's birthfamily passes away. I never thought about it. I never imagined how much it would hurt, how sad it would make me. I hope she knew how much we loved and appreciated her.
I'm particularly close to my mom's parents, mostly because they live closer and were the ones we spent more time with growing up. But to lose any of the four of my grandparents would be devastating.
Today we found out that Colt's birthgrandmother passed away. This was an incredibly kind, sensitive, loving, caring woman whom we had the pleasure of meeting several times. She not only helped raise N, Colt's birthmom, but she supported her through her pregnancy. She sat in on every meeting with our adoption agency. She drove N to the hospital numerous times during labor alarms. She held her hand as she gave birth to our precious son.
She kissed and held that boy while we drove to the hospital to meet him. She embraced us with open arms when we walked in the room. She comforted N as she spent time with Colt in that cold hospital room. She picked out many baby outfits and blankets for us to take home for him. She made sure to tell us about all of N and N's father's great qualities, obviously proud of the children and grandchildren she'd raised.
She walked with N across the hall to hand Colt into our arms when she checked out. She hugged us and assured us he would be a good boy for us. She kissed him, she loved us, she cried with us. And then she escorted her beloved granddaughter out of that hospital empty-handed and held her crying for months after we brought Colt home.
She laughed as he kicked and giggled when we visited her house in April. She listened intently to every detail of his growth and development, wanted to hear every story we could tell. She dug through her scrapbooks to find pictures of N as a baby for us to see and compare Colt to. And once again she kissed his sweet head goodbye as we left that day.
And my heart breaks that it was the last time he will ever see her. I mean literally breaks my heart.
She was THE support N has in her life. She was the glue that held that family together and they need lots of prayers during such a tremendous loss. I'm so thankful I have pictures of Colt and Grandma A together, because boy did she love him.
This adoption process, this welcoming of another family into yours has such effects that you can't prepare for. No one prepares you for how you'll feel when someone in your child's birthfamily passes away. I never thought about it. I never imagined how much it would hurt, how sad it would make me. I hope she knew how much we loved and appreciated her.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I had a dream...
There are several reasons why we don't make it to church on Wednesday nights, usually having to do with being tired, working late, or traveling for work. But I do aspire to someday attend church on Wednesday nights regularly. And I think God is beginning to speak to me about it.
This past Tuesday night, I had a dream. In my dream, John and I had a conversation about how he was going to play golf on Wednesday night with Randy, one of the preachers at our church.
Me: "John, you can't play golf with Randy, he's a preacher and he has to work on Wednesday nights. Going to church is part of his job."
John: "No, he talked to Kerianne (Randy's wife) and she told him it was ok to skip it for one night. We're meeting at Fairfax at 6:30."
Me: "I'm pretty sure Kerianne doesn't make the decisions on whether he takes a Wednesday night off, I'm pretty sure GOD makes that decision and I'm pretty sure he's not letting him off to go play golf with YOU."
Translation: Anderson's need to buck up and get to church on Wednesday nights. The end, Amen.
This past Tuesday night, I had a dream. In my dream, John and I had a conversation about how he was going to play golf on Wednesday night with Randy, one of the preachers at our church.
Me: "John, you can't play golf with Randy, he's a preacher and he has to work on Wednesday nights. Going to church is part of his job."
John: "No, he talked to Kerianne (Randy's wife) and she told him it was ok to skip it for one night. We're meeting at Fairfax at 6:30."
Me: "I'm pretty sure Kerianne doesn't make the decisions on whether he takes a Wednesday night off, I'm pretty sure GOD makes that decision and I'm pretty sure he's not letting him off to go play golf with YOU."
Translation: Anderson's need to buck up and get to church on Wednesday nights. The end, Amen.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Why we need a professional photographer
On Sunday (Happy John Day!) we found ourselves at one point laying on our bed watching Ocean's 11, all 3 of us propped up on our elbows and happily enjoying the moment. I casually mentioned to John we should grab the camera and set the timer and take a picture of the 3 of us laying like that and capture such a relaxed and happy family moment.
Of course, what Colt heard was "hey, Daddy, let's take away all of Colt's toys and never feed him any food again and make sure to leave him alone in his bedroom with no blankets or pacifiers and just for kicks we'll make him wear socks that are too tight and cut off the circulation at his ankles". Thus, before John could get the camera set onto the dresser for the shot of the happy family moment he began to cry. By the time the camera caught our family portrait, he'd buried his face into the blankets in a sad, pathetic wail.
Which is why I'm hoping this weekend to make an appointment for a professional family portrait session.
Of course, what Colt heard was "hey, Daddy, let's take away all of Colt's toys and never feed him any food again and make sure to leave him alone in his bedroom with no blankets or pacifiers and just for kicks we'll make him wear socks that are too tight and cut off the circulation at his ankles". Thus, before John could get the camera set onto the dresser for the shot of the happy family moment he began to cry. By the time the camera caught our family portrait, he'd buried his face into the blankets in a sad, pathetic wail.
Which is why I'm hoping this weekend to make an appointment for a professional family portrait session.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Happy John Day!
I know it's a day late, but that's how things seem to be these days...but Happy Anniversary AND Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband, John!
I wrote in his first Father's Day card that the last 6 years have been amazing and wonderful but they've been even better the last 6 months. I can't imagine a better partner on this adventure of marriage or parenthood. I truly believe God designed him just for me (to both test my patience and break down the barriers of love in my heart!) and I do thank my lucky stars every night. Even on nights after he's been golfing.
My best friend got married this weekend, which was both a celebration of love and commitment to remind me again of what a gift marriage and family can be AND it was a lot of me putting my own marriage and anniversary on hold to get her through this weekend. John was wonderfully loving and supportive of this, and so I do owe him a weekend of celebrating his first Father's Day (though I did spend hours watching golf with him yesterday so that in and of itself is a GIFT) and our anniversary since so much of me was spent designing programs, burning CD's, squeezing into bridesmaid a dress, dancing with a ringbearer, eating cake, hosting 8 women in my kitchen to get their hair and makeup done, driving to the chapel and back numerous times, calming the anxious bride, and various other matron of honor duties. John was great to share me with her.
I've been wanting to do a post for a while on marriage, especially about a song that I think speaks so much about marriage today and what it SHOULD be. Watching Hollywood marriages fall apart(tear - Jon and Kate), divorce such an easy option...I am thankful for my husband and I'm thankful for each passing year we have together. It's not always easy. I imagine it won't always be easy and it will probably get harder some days. But I promised "until death do us part" and I take that very, very seriously. Most days, though, are awesome and he's incredibly patient and kind and loving to me. More on that and a beautiful song to come.
I love you, Honey. You're the most wonderful, natural father. Colt lights up when he sees you and I love watching you with him. What a special day, to celebrate Father's Day and our anniversary on the same day. I thank God for you, and our life together. I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
I wrote in his first Father's Day card that the last 6 years have been amazing and wonderful but they've been even better the last 6 months. I can't imagine a better partner on this adventure of marriage or parenthood. I truly believe God designed him just for me (to both test my patience and break down the barriers of love in my heart!) and I do thank my lucky stars every night. Even on nights after he's been golfing.
My best friend got married this weekend, which was both a celebration of love and commitment to remind me again of what a gift marriage and family can be AND it was a lot of me putting my own marriage and anniversary on hold to get her through this weekend. John was wonderfully loving and supportive of this, and so I do owe him a weekend of celebrating his first Father's Day (though I did spend hours watching golf with him yesterday so that in and of itself is a GIFT) and our anniversary since so much of me was spent designing programs, burning CD's, squeezing into bridesmaid a dress, dancing with a ringbearer, eating cake, hosting 8 women in my kitchen to get their hair and makeup done, driving to the chapel and back numerous times, calming the anxious bride, and various other matron of honor duties. John was great to share me with her.
I've been wanting to do a post for a while on marriage, especially about a song that I think speaks so much about marriage today and what it SHOULD be. Watching Hollywood marriages fall apart(tear - Jon and Kate), divorce such an easy option...I am thankful for my husband and I'm thankful for each passing year we have together. It's not always easy. I imagine it won't always be easy and it will probably get harder some days. But I promised "until death do us part" and I take that very, very seriously. Most days, though, are awesome and he's incredibly patient and kind and loving to me. More on that and a beautiful song to come.
I love you, Honey. You're the most wonderful, natural father. Colt lights up when he sees you and I love watching you with him. What a special day, to celebrate Father's Day and our anniversary on the same day. I thank God for you, and our life together. I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
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