11 months of pure joy

On Monday Colt turns 11 months old. Which means his first birthday is right around the corner. Completely out of character for me, I already have the date scheduled for this occasion AND am thinking about themes. It helps me avoid the pangs of sadness I feel about my baby growing up so fast!

This morning we had a grand ol' time with Colt and Daddy high-fiving. John says "Give me 5" and MOST of the time Colt will slap his hand and then start clapping because we go crazy with the "yays" and praise. But sometimes we say "Give me 5" and he immediately starts clapping without giving the 5 because he knows that's the routine.

SO. STINKIN'. CUTE.

So I've been thinking about that all day and it made me want to share a little about Colt at 11 months.

• He eats anything and everything, but has been particular about the amount in his mouth lately. We're finding spoonfuls of baked beans or corn means he'll spit it right out, but if we keep it to 2 or 3 pieces he'll go to town.
• He is a MASTER at peek-a-boo and "Where's Colt?". He loves to hold a blanket over his eyes and wait until we ask where he is. He starts to giggle then will pull it down so we can excitedly say "THERE he is!!". He will even do it with toys or wallets or anything around that he can "hide" behind.
• He's still doing the gangster crawl, with a healthy balance of bouncing on his bottom across the room to get around. He pulls up onto his knees, but still not a full standing position. But he SO wants to walk...
• He has found his voice...and uses it ALL THE TIME. He loves screaming just to scream, not because he's mad or anything. And he's babbling a lot like he's in a conversation. We love hearing him, and my favorite is that he talks in the car now so I feel like we're using that time for quality bonding while driving to daycare in the mornings!
• He has also discovered that if he doesn't like something, he can protest. He screams, whines a lot, and arches his back and stiffens up so we can't hold him without a fight. Fun times.
• He hates getting dressed, but we've found a middle ground of changing him on his changing table and there is less thrashing and gnashing of teeth. In fact, lately in the mornings he's been pretty quiet about it!
• Desperately needing shoes...he has one pair we always put him in for school because they stay on and are easy to move in. Our nephew, Mason, who is 8 years old saw them the other day and said "Whoa, did someone donate those shoes to you? They look really old and torn up." All I could do is laugh because he DOES need new shoes and I really DON'T want to shop for them! But, hey, if 8-year-olds are embarrassed for my son then I should be too!
• He loves opening and closing drawers and doors. We've had several smashed fingers but it doesn't deter him!
• We started using Huggies Overnight diapers and immediately stopped the overnight leaks. LOVE IT!
• He started sleeping in a cot at school instead of a crib, and apparently is sleeping much better that way. Break my heart that he's big enough to sleep on a cot!
• Still eating mostly baby food and some bottles. With only 2 teeth it's hard to make a meal out of table food! But we try to give him some at every meal...baby food is just so much easier!
• He has conversations with his teddy bear and hippo that sleep in his bed at night. Every morning we can hear him talking over the monitor, and we go in and his animals are lined up against the side of the crib while he is facing them and talking to them. He loves them and it's hard to leave them behind when it's time to get up!
• He's still doing awesome crafts and artwork in school. We have multiple prints of his hands and feet throughout the year turned into kitties, butterflies, caterpillars, bats, and ghosts. Can't wait to see what he does for Christmas!
• He can eat an entire ice cream bar or ice cream cone by himself. Boy loves ice cream...just like his Daddy!

I'm sure I'll think of more as we go, but for now those are the things that make me smile.

Thanks through Nov. 12

Thanks to everyone for their comments, e-mails, FB's, etc. on my last post! I definitely don't feel scared about where we are, just frustrated and ready for a change. The ideas and support you've shared have given me a lot of hope...I know we'll do well, it's just going to take some major sacrifices!

Being that it's the month of November, many people I've seen have been doing daily "thanks" on FB, Twitter, etc. I know that we're already halfway through November (WHA??!!) but I have SO much to be thankful for...so indulge me while I catch up to this day, November 12th.

1. I'm thankful for my son! He is the light of my life and completes me in ways I never imagined.

2. I'm thankful for my husband. 6 1/2 years of marriage has brought us lots of ups and downs, but I never ever doubt that he's with me for the long haul, loves our family, and is a great man.

3. I'm thankful for my co-workers. They provide me much laughter and support during the day, especially now that I'm not really traveling I love my OKC office pals even more.

4. I'm thankful for my son's daycare and the teachers that love him like crazy.

5. I'm thankful for Huggies Overnight diapers, which I'm not afraid to say have changed our life.

6. I'm thankful for our cat, Faith. She has long been the comfort I need while waiting on Colt and stressful days at work...she continues to be my favorite cuddler and companion at night as I drift to sleep. (John goes to bed much later than I do!)

7. I'm thankful for blogland and Facebook. I feel so connected to perfect strangers and even better connected to people that I know. Advice, support, funny quotes and more inspire me to get through the roughest of days, and I feel like I have a whole stadium full of people to celebrate the best of days with me.

8. I'm thankful for our house and how it seems to be a perfect fit for us. Not to mention the neighbors!

9. I'm thankful for my church family, especially our Bible class and the relationships we have there. I will never feel alone with them by our side, and I find comfort in knowing nobody in that class will go hungry, no children will go without a playmate, and no one will go without prayers.

10. I'm thankful for donated maternity clothes that have saved precious pennies during my pregnancy.

11. I am thankful for our active duty and veterans in the U.S. Military. I find them astonishingly brave and self-sacrificing. I'm also thankful for their families who share them with the rest of the country. I'm thankful they fight in wars they may not understand for people they'll never know. My family has a long history of military service and it makes me incredibly proud.

12. And today I am thankful for flexible work schedules that allow me to attend my son's Thanksgiving lunch at school! I'm headed there now!

Debt

So I used to post every time I started Weight Watchers. Similarly, I posted every time we started Dave Ramsey budgeting lifestyle. And inevitably I'd be into it for about a week and then you'd never hear from me about it again.

So, in hopes of breaking tradition I am blogging about budgeting and how THIS TIME, we're doing it and going to be successful.

For the last year or so, we've been operating under "new baby mindset" and basically just getting by. We don't plan a lot when we go grocery shopping, and John often finds himself at the grocery store at 10:00 at night because we're out of diapers. We eat out every single night (or get take-out and bring it home) because the food prep and clean up is exhausting for 2 people who don't get home until 6:00 or after.

There's no planning involved in operating our lives, only in-the-moment survival.

We even strayed from our trusty cash-only system that had served us well for long time. And subsequently our money is disappearing each month before our very eyes. And we choose to ignore it, operating in survival mode instead.

Well, funny thing about suddenly realizing you're 6 months pregnant...money starts becoming more and more of an issue. And then you start to worry about it and get scared about things. And then, medical bills start piling up. The medical bills are literally sucking us dry. Between numerous co-pays, prescriptions, ER trips (for me...migraines before, violent stomach bugs twice since being pregnant)...they are sucking the life out of our savings and our credit cards. I have done a terrible job of keeping up with all things medical bills-related, and probably have overpaid in deductibles and co-insurance this year.

I've started a new system for keeping track of medical bills and you can bet your bottom that next year I'll be watching everything like a hawk.

Leah recently posted a blog about admitting some of her weaknesses on her blog, because often times we look to our blog friends for advice or support and it can be overwhelming when everyone posts their happy-go-lucky life and you end up thinking you're the only person who's not perfect out there. Well, this blog is my version of Leah's. We already know my number one vice is bad language. Well, here's your next confession:

We are in debt. And even though there is a plan, there is a big chunk in taxes coming back next year, there is a light at the end of the tunnel...we are still in debt. We have a SMALL savings that could last us maybe 2 months for the most important bills we have to pay if something were to happen. But with a mortgage, 2 car payments, student loan, CREDIT CARDS, and medical bills...month after month it's just easier to avoid than make a plan to deal with it.

In 6 months we will have two babies in daycare. And with the way we're living right now, we can't afford that. Literally can't afford it. Plus, early in the year one hospital visit will cost my entire health plan deductible. There will be more diapers, more wipes, more laundry detergent, more toys, more pacifiers, more formula, more baby food. It's just so overwhelming I can't even explain it.

And I have to say that we are not, by any means, big spenders. Other than the house and our cars that we foolishly bought brand new a few years ago, we don't ever go out and spend money on big purchases without paying cash for them. We have a broken down, 12-year-old TV in our bedroom, and our flat screen in the living room was paid for entirely through Christmas bonus and gifts 3 years ago. Colt's furniture was a big expense, but something we planned for. Other than that...we've bought nothing we can't afford. Ok, maybe some vacation expenses but I don't regret that either!

So how did we end up here? Brand new cars started it. Fertility treatments compounded it. And while we definitely aren't house-poor or upside down, but we probably could have been wiser when we bought our home. And of course, you plan and save as you can for adoption expenses but those added up, too (not that I would go back and change a thing...I'd rather live in debt forever than go back and change those decisions!).

So, here we are. We have a plan, we survived the initial discussions. We are current on our medical bills. And now we have to go back to our Dave Ramsey baby steps, we have to chip away at the debt piece by piece. We're borrowing baby furniture for the new baby, buying a few reasonable items for the new guest room/playroom. I'm learning how to CLIP COUPONS. And we'll once again try to eat more at home.

That's our reality. We're having trouble with money. YIKES! We haven't really had trouble with money before, I feel like we've always been pretty responsible. But I see a way out, and there's no one I'd rather work with than John to head that way. I hope none of you are in debt, but I know there has to be some people who find themselves in similar situations! Any tips of the budgeting trade you'd like to share would be awesome. Just wanted to share our particular struggle as it's dominating my mind these days. There may be more posts about couponing in the future!

The strange things blogland can do to you

I feel compelled to write this morning, even though I only have a few moments.

In the last few months I've really started following and reading MckMama's blog, and more specifically her tweets. I have found her so refreshing and uplifting, honest and open...I just feel like she's so genuine and like I KNOW her. Everything I've heard from others that have met her would lead me to believe this is not just a feeling I get from her writing, but actually what she is like in real life.

Her son, Stellan, is only about 2 months older than Colt. And he is so, so sick. And today is an especially bad day and his heart has already stopped once this morning. A few weeks ago he also came very close to leaving with God, but pulled through and went home for a few days. During that hospital stay, MckMama posted photos of Stellan asleep in his hospital bed, cuddled in their arms, and talked about the things she and her husband were doing to stay calm and focus on their time with Stellan. I've been haunted ever since, and even thinking about the post brings tears to my eyes.

For the first time, I truly put myself and my baby in that situation. What if Stellan was Colt? What if those pictures were of Colt and we were in the hospital snuggling him through IV cords and wires and ventilators? What if we never knew whether or not each breath would be his last? I've been thinking about this and it's weighing heavily on my heart more and more.

I know I don't KNOW MckMama. I know that I can't play the "what if" game because when I go home tonight, other than a cough from allergies my son is perfectly healthy, happy, and safe. But it has caused me to hold him a little tighter (when he'll let me), kiss him more and more, tickle him for fits of giggles when I'm in a rush, let him crawl where he wants, play more peek-a-boo, and in general cherish the snores and sighs and even midnight cries over the monitor as I get my jealously guarded sleep at night.

Whatever happens to Stellan, I know that eventually it won't weigh so heavily on my heart. There will be times where I'm stressed and busy and Colt is grumpy and I won't think of Stellan as we're dealing with life. But right now, I think of him all the time. This baby I don't know, his mom I don't know...they're changing the way I view time and schedules and the way I love. So he has done more than he'll ever know to bless my family.

PLEASE keep them in your prayers, check in on her blog and tweets and follow their story, especially today since they need him to be stable for a life-saving, very risky surgery that he can't wait for. Please pray for his doctors, his parents, his 3 older siblings, and for that little 1-year-old to stay strong and hold on a little longer.

Then hug your kids.

Parties for a Little Monkey!

For a 10-month-old, Colt sure had A LOT of social obligations for Halloween that required the costume. Luckily, the monkey costume wasn't terribly cumbersome! He didn't LOVE it, but he never cried in it or fought us on it.

First was our church's fall festival (bottom pictures). Then he had Trick-or-Treating AND a Halloween party at daycare. Finally, we made the rounds to a few grandparent's houses on Halloween night to get some goodies (including some Puffs instead of candy!).

It was fun, but kind of exhausting! I loved his costume, though. He looked SO cute, and the stuffed belly was the best! Made him look even more squishy than usual! I accidentally left his brown onesie at school on Friday, which is why he had green on Halloween night. Regardless, I think he was pretty adorable.

John and I have always called him our little monkey, because for some reason when he was born he had a lot of clothes with monkeys on them. So the costume was perfect...Halloween is fun again!

Pumpkin Patch

So we did, in fact, go to the Pumpkin Patch. It was a fun activity, will be A LOT more fun when he can run around and pet the animals and we don't have to get him in and out of a stroller! By the time we were done, we had a couple of worn out kids on our hands!

We took his friend, Anna, which I think he loved. They are in the same class at daycare and are just inseperable. It's cute to see babies with such good friends already! We got a few pumpkins to take home with us, and they were a great background to his true masterpiece: the pumpkin he painted himself at school. I took a lot of pictures of it, since we won't be able to keep that...I was proud!

Do you not want to just eat him up? He's pretty squeezable!

Sooner Trio

So after Labor Day weekend I lost my digital camera. FINALLY after tearing up our bedroom on Sunday I found it under the bed. I was determined that I would find it, as we were going to the Pumpkin Patch on Sunday and EVERYONE knows the only reason you take babies to the Pumpkin Patch is for obligatory photos with hay bales and pumpkins. Otherwise, what a waste of a trip!

So I found it. But it meant that I missed an entire month of documenting our son's life in pictures. I'm terrible, I know and he'll probably NEVER forgive me for leaving out most of his 9th month. In the meantime while I'm uploading said obligatory hay bale and pumpkin pictures, enjoy this adorable photo of Colt and his BFF's, Anna and Van at the OU/Texas game this past Saturday. They make the heartbreaking losses a little easier to deal with.

I CAN tell you they are teaching us valuable lessons in what we say when watching a football game. Turns out "crap", "sucks", and "pissed off" aren't really what you'd call "cleaning up your language"...John and I have a long way to go, sigh. We thought we were making progress with this vice!

Van plays the role of Big Brother to these two very well. They LOVE watching him and keeping up with him. Colt wanted to follow him around all day and Anna stared lovingly at him all day as he ran around and performed for everyone. It's fun to see them with someone who's not too much older, but just old enough to be cool...

Recapping the call

I didn't mean to wait so long to update! Sorry for leaving some of you hanging about the call with N on Wednesday.

It went SO well. We spoke for 30 minutes and it was comfortable, sweet, and just really reassuring. I was really amazed at how SHE was putting ME at ease and her maturity level was so high during the call. Especially because I was nervous when we first started talking and I just started spouting random pieces of info about Colt and laughing this really weird nervous laugh. She was patient and listened, then brought me back around to what the call was really about. Thinking back on it, I'm just really impressed.

She told me that when she first read my letter that we were expecting a baby, she started to cry because she was so scared that it meant things would change. Our feelings would Colt would somehow be lessened with the addition of a biological baby. But you could tell she already KNEW that wasn't the case, the logic was telling her that it would be no different. But her heart just wanted to hear me say it.

It's important to stop here and let you know I didn't cry one time during the call. Go Me!

Remember how I said in the last post that her family landscape was changing? I think it's ok to go ahead and say what that means because it's pretty crazy actually. She's getting married next weekend...and she's expecting a baby girl on March 6th, which is 12 days after our baby boy is due. There are so many things that have gone through my head on this one, but the one that stands out is that it makes me feel really at peace knowing that no matter where Colt was, he'd be a big brother at 14 months old.

She told me how nervous she was to tell me that she was pregnant again. I told her I thought it was funny that we were both so scared to tell each other basically the same news! And it's wonderful news, and it means more precious babies and we were both so scared.

We talked a lot about her fiance and how much he looks forward to seeing Colt's pictures and how excited he is to be a dad. We talked about getting together for our next visit. She said over and over how thankful she was to have contact, I told her how much we wanted to hear from her and stay in contact.

It was perfect.

Hopefully we'll go visit in the next month or so, as Colt gets closer to his one-year birthday. And now that we are both comfortable with direct contact, maybe we'll hear from her more often. She's pretty awesome.

So...the call went great! Thanks for your prayers!