Lost is finally found!

It begins tonight!!!!

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I took a quiz on USA Today about what candidate I share the most views with. Shockingly, and a little disturbingly, I am a match for Hilary Clinton! Barack Obama a close second.

Well, that doesn't help me for the Republican primary, does it?

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Finally, I have messed with this stupid second blog for a month now. I'm just not proficient in HTML or XML or whatever it is to make a fun template work. So you get a blogger basic in a cheery yellow. Because, really, what can be more cheery than infertility?

This blog is really only for those in my life who don't mind hearing about that particular struggle. I've tried not to dwell on it here at Anderson Happenings, but I feel it's been a downer. You can blame all those thoughts about babies swimming in my head for the major writer's block the past few months.

I decided that really I have two lives going on: the everyday me, and the desparate-for-a-baby me. Separate? Yes, actually. While I think about our struggle every day I also feel like my life is so amazingly full of friends, family, career, DVR's, iPod's, football, and traveling....I don't want this one struggle to define the everyday me.

I explain a little more (rambling-like) on the other blog. Anderson Happenings will continue to be updated regularly. But now, my other thoughts and experiences can be found at Here's to Hope. If the science of baby-making and the whining of an infertile doesn't interest you or makes you uncomfortable, I completely understand. Really. That's why you don't have to visit! But please stay plugged in here. I love you all, my little blogging world!

Tag, I'm it!

I've been tagged by Audrey.

The Rules: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog. or Share the 5 top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list. or Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when your were 25 years old. Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.

5 random and/or weird facts about me:

1. I eat M&M's in a particular way. I separate them out by color and eat them one-by-one, so that each color has an equal amount until there is only one of each color left. And then I eat them all at one time. They taste better that way.

2. When I was in high school, I went to a school football game and actually asked why the hot quarterback wasn't playing during one of the plays. Um, that would be because our DEFENSE was on the field. Who would have ever guessed I'd be obsessed with football a few short years later?

3. I've started another blog. But I haven't opened it up yet for others to see. It's going to be about our infertility struggles, so I won't have to bore you guys with it over here! That way only people that are really interested and not tired of listening to it can tune in.

4. I hate public speaking and giving presentations...until I'm up there giving them. Then I have fun and I'm pretty darn good!

5. I hate, hate, hate visiting people in the hospital--particularly when they've had babies. It's SO personal (they could be breastfeeding!), and you never know if you should ask to hold the baby or if they will offer, and there are often a lot of people there....probably another post for another day. It's not something that is infertility-related, it has ALWAYS been this way. So if I don't come see you in the hospital, don't be offended! It's just very uncomfortable for me and I'd rather bring you dinner and hold your baby for hours while we chat. That's how Joel and I bonded, anyway!

I'm tagging Liz, Brooke, Emily, Melanie, Charly, Aubrey, and Pam. You better do it (ahem--CHARLY).

Primary Debt

Last night at FPU Dave Ramsey was talking about how millionaires don't know the latest TV show plots, but they know what the balance in their checkbook is.

Not surprisingly, I'm not a millionaire. But talk to me if you want to know the latest on "Grey's". Or after Thursday, "Lost".

I totally feel for Chandra. Last night at FPU we had to write down our total debt not including the house. I don't know why this got to me much more than it did when we did this last year. We don't have any more debt (other than the house) than we did last year. Actually less. I think it's just because we've had so much sneak up on us since this time last year. And because it's just depressing. It's sick, really, to owe that much money.

But, it's also exciting to be taking control of it. To know that just by addressing the debt we're so much farther along than other people. We've never paid a bill late, we've never defaulted, and we generally have made good decisions with our money and where we put our debt. Now our goal is to not be in debt. I think we can do it....
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In other news, I have been watching the primaries with mild interest for the past few weeks. It brings me back to my college days when I was heavily involved and interested in the political world. I read books about it, joined discussion groups, researched. I even minored in it.

Can I say that I was always interested? Not that I can recall. But there is something about a college campus and passionate professors and classmates that can light a fire. Make you believe that your vote can change things. Make you want to stand for something.

But my political interest didn't develop until early one morning in September of my sophomore year when I watched an airplane fly into the World Trade Center. And suddenly, like everyone else, my world changed. And I began to care about who was making what decisions for me, my family, my friends, my classmates.

Somehow public relations seemed more doable as a career than political science. I figured if I was going to be overworked and underpaid I could at least have benefits and a steady income. And once work happened, life happened I now find myself spending more time browsing through a photo spread of Britney Spears' wacky weekend than paying attention to which Republican candidate I will vote for in the upcoming Oklahoma primary.

That bothers me. A lot.

I have a little time before the vote, and I vow to understand who I am voting for before that time. Because if I don't vote intelligently, then I have no right to complain about how the country is functioning. And while I don't wish another attack, I do wish we could garner up that kind of passionate response as a country. I wish we could, once again, feel like our vote and our patriotism mattered.

More vacation news

Remember I mentioned I would have some more vacation news coming up? Well...here it is.

A little over a month after returning from the tropical beaches of Hawaii, we will be grabbing our windbreakers and heading to Alaska. We are so extremely fortunate to be taking a 7-night Alaskan cruise (in a financially peaceful way, I assure you). We'll have some great company, as John's family will be with us as well.

Our itinerary will take us through the "inside passage" in Alaska, including a stop in Victoria, British Columbia so I will fulfill my wish to visit Canada. Albeit for about 4 hours, but still.

Both of these trips came up suddenly in the same weekend. It is nice to have something that exciting to look forward to and get excited about so we welcome the reprieve! I don't know what excursions we will take (other than the lumberjack show in Ketchikan that John wants to do) but be certain there will be lots of pictures and my vacations will probably dominate a lot of blogs between now and spring!

Visiting the 49th and 50th state in about a month....wow! 2008 is shaping up to be a good year!

Who is Jessica Alba?

Seriously, seriously....who is a Jessica Alba fan? Why do we care so much about her? I don't understand...is she REALLY a movie star? She's not a TV star, and as far as I can tell her movies have made all of $12 or so at the box office.

Seriously, other than being pregnant, what is she famous for?

Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Nicole Kidman, even Nicole Richie I can see a tabloid interest in their pregnancies. But Jessica Alba? Really?!

Sigh....thanks for that moment of release. Seems like every issue of "People" lately has been about Britney's escapades and Jessica Alba's baby bump watch. And I just haven't understood the fascination...

Vacation

Most of you know that last year my dad relocated from cold, snowy, miserable Minneapolis to the warm tropical beaches of Hawaii. And I can't think of a better time to use and abuse parents than when they live in Hawaii. With a 3-bedroom condo.

As of yesterday, John and I are booked to go visit him the week of my birthday (Happy Birthday to me!) April 12- April 19th. A full week in sunny Hawaii! It's ok...you can be jealous of us.

Now...I know MOST of you have been to Hawaii, because John and I have a disturbingly high number of friends who call Hawaii their second home. My dad has been updating his blog with their Hawaiian adventures for a while, but now John and I need to narrow down what we want to do. He lives on Oahu, if that helps. And, yes, a daytrip to Maui is on our list of things to do.

Any suggestions?

Also....it is likely I will have further vacation news for you to be jealous of coming very soon.

Terrifying Fashion Discovery

I'm living a nightmare. I thought maybe it was a one-time thing when I saw it the first time. Just one random guy that thought it was cool.

But no...it's officially a problem.

Skinny jeans on guys.

Yes, that's right, almost as terrifying as leggings for men. Skinny jeans don't belong on women, let alone men.

It's terrifying. A sure sign the world is coming to an end. If you are a guy that still reads this blog, please don't wear skinny jeans. I'll have to block you from my life, as I don't want my future children to be exposed to such blasphemy.
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In other news, I'm learning more and more about Heath Ledger since his death. You know, since it's EVERYWHERE! Did anyone else know that Jake Gyllenhaal was his daughter's godfather? And that Busy Phillips, who played Audrey on Dawson's Creek and wrote Blades of Glory, is her godmother?

Learn something new every day...

And THAT, my friends, is your random trivia for the day.

What a Headache

Monday night I made a promise to myself to never, ever sin again. Because I now know, first-hand, what hell will be like for me.

What should have been a joyous day off work for a national holiday ended up becoming one of the most painful experiences of my life. It all started around 3:00 when a slight headache began to form at the base of my neck. In the last several years, I get at least one headache of magnitude per month and I can tell when one is coming on.

Normally, I'd pop a couple of Excedrin migraine pills and fight it off in the beginning. But, we were out of Excedrin and I decided I can't take them right now because MSNBC told me me not to...you know, just in case something crazy happens.

Anyway--the headache. I ended up taking Tylenol (what a joke!) that didn't work and it wasn't long before I started feeling nauseous. John even cooked dinner and I couldn't eat anything. By this time, my headache was a full-on migraine, aching at the base of my neck and shooting through my eye with every throb.

I couldn't even watch TV. I just had to lay down in bed in the dark with no sounds. Laying there with nothing to distract me from this unrelenting throbbing.

And then, for the first time in my migraine history, I threw up. I threw up everything I've eaten in the last 18 days, I'm pretty sure. And it didn't stop there. I continued to throw up for hours, even a sip of water meant violently heaving over the toilet.

Not keeping water down meant that I couldn't take any medicine for pain either.

So...I spent 12 hours trying every position in every room to get comfortable and fall asleep. To no avail. Counting up the 5 minutes I slept here and there, I was fully conscious and aware of this pain for all but 45 minutes of the night. Around 4:30 I started counting down the hours until 8:00 when I could call the doctor's office. I still believed that I had a stomach bug that caused the headache, not a migraine that caused the stomach bug.

Finally, I went in to see the doctor at 11:00 yesterday morning. By then my migraine was wavering on a pain management scale of 9-10. It took a lot to even get out of the house, and I'm glad my mom agreed to drive me. They walked through the symptoms, and agreed everything was migraine-related.

Since I couldn't keep anything down, they gave me a shot of pain reliever that was supposed to make me sleepy. I was loopy by the time I got home and fell into 4 hours of blissful sleep. When I woke up my headache was very dull and almost gone. I drank some water, and then finally felt brave enough to down Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I haven't thrown up since, so I guess it really was the headache.

I'm still at home today because the medicine is still making me very loopy and groggy. But at least now it's comfortable.

So, I decided around 2:30 on Monday night that this is what my hell would be. This headache that I was sure was an aneurysm with lots of vomiting nothing for no reason. Man, that Satan must be good at torture...

Speaking of connections...

Yesterday was a miserable and gloomy, wet day. It felt like my mood the last week and a half. And today, cheesy as it sounds, is bright and sunny and I finally feel better. It's cold, yes, but I could stand it to get a little sunshine. The doom and gloom, the fog has lifted.

I'm still frustrated, still sad, still fragile and it could probably all fall apart in a minute. But for right now, I'm happy.

So what have I been doing in all this time? Well, I've been researching sound-proof doors for the bedroom for one thing. NO, you dirty minds, not because of that! I'm searching for sound-proof doors because I CAN'T. STAND. THE. DRUMMING.

There is a lot of drumming going on at our house. John has a 10:00 cut-off time with the drums of Rock Band because I can hear it all over the house. I can close the bedroom door, close the bathroom door, run the shower, and lock myself in the toilet room at and still hear the drumming.

Mostly I'm just irritated because it's on-beat and he's not getting booed off the stage like I do.

Anyway, if you know of inexpensive sound proof bedroom doors please let me know.

Why inexpensive? Because John and I are back at Financial Peace University! We were repeat offenders and decided we needed a little motivation. Remember that New Year's Resolution I posted about getting out of debt? Well....we're both excited to recommit. This time we're not buying new cars or new houses and apparently no new video games or iPods or cell phones. We literally have everything we need.

Just one night at FPU and we're excited to go. We had some money saved beyond our emergency fund and already paid off a chunk of the credit card. It is a very real possibility that we will be out of credit card debt and working frantically on our car payments by April. What a relief that would be!

Speaking of FPU, it is a good group this time. Lots of young people, including Michael and Chandra who are in our class at church and (GUESS WHAT?) have a blog! John and I have been so bad about attending class lately so we haven't gotten to know them very well yet, but once you have a blog I can know everything about you. And we can catch up on Monday nights.

Blogs, blogs, blogs. I probably read too many, but it's all worth it for nights like tonight. Through my blog, I'm proud to say, many connections have been made. I've met people I didn't know who read my blog, and tonight I'll have the pleasure of bringing two of my worlds together because of blogs. Emily will be meeting Liz and Brooke officially, in person. These girls are all great friends of mine, so I have no doubt they'll hit it off.

That's how exciting my life is, people....blog dates!

Rock Band

So, John had been saving some of his Christmas money to purchase the new wave in home entertainment: Rock Band. For those of you who don't know, Rock Band is like Guitar Hero except you get to put together a band--guitar, drums, and a singer. You can play one at a time, or the whole band can play together.

We established that John is the best drummer, while Brooke is the best singer--angst-filled teen rocker suits her well!

Can't let it go

I've been spending the last few days digging deep and considering every one of you a culprit in this beyond-generous gift left anonymously on my front porch. And I still have no real idea who it could be. I'm really blown away and humbled by the gesture.

I'm humbled every time someone tells me they pray for us. I'm humbled every time someone encourages me through a hug or e-mail or smile or call. I'm serious, it's because of all of you that we haven't given up hope, that we've done just about everything except give up. It's seeing and feeling God in all of you that allows us to never be angry at Him. To truly embrace how blessed we are, deserving or not.

So thanks to ALL of you for every single encouraging, caring, loving thing you do. And I know that whoever blessed us this weekend doesn't want us to know who they are, so I'll drop it after this. But thank you from the bottom of our hearts! I'm listening to some great music as I type, and now every time I use it I will think about you.

Love you guys! And look forward to a sunnier disposition to come....but please keep the positive thoughts and prayers coming. It's what gets us through the day!

Gift from the Heart

Ok....I'm blown away. This morning after my poor, pitiful me blog about my iPod, the doorbell rang. By the time I answered it, all that was on my front porch was a gift bag. Inside was a new iPod with a note about how much someone loved us and how we shouldn't have to worry about anything but the important stuff.

I don't know who it is (I spent all day trying to figure it out) but whoever it is....thank you. I'm really blown away that someone would spend that kind of money and go to that much trouble just to make our week a little better. We don't deserve it, and if we knew who you were, we would give the gift back because it's too much. But in the meantime--thank you. From the bottom of our hearts.

One less thing to worry about. And you can bet I won't lose this one. Thank you!

It's like out of a book or something

As if my week could get any worse.

Realized with much dread last night that the beloved iPod I've been looking for over the last few days....yeah, left it on the plane Wednesday night. I feel like a part of my body is missing. The iPod is my favorite material item in the whole world.

They'll call me if they find anything. Yeah, right.

When the answer is No

I have the most amazing friends. My inbox has been flooded with e-mails and my phone has been ringing with inquiries. It’s been 14 days, and I can’t believe so many people were hoping and praying along with us for good news.

Which makes it that much harder to let everyone know that there is no good news. Not this time. John and I have known since Sunday, and we can’t even talk about it. We’ve hardly been able to talk about it with each other, let alone anyone else. The only thing we’ve been able to spit out is that we’re not sure we want to go back for a third time.

How many more months of disappointment can we subject ourselves to? Not much. Our hearts are tired. I don’t know how to describe it other than that.

Will we take a few months off? Will we try one more time, since we promised ourselves we would give it three attempts? Will we start researching adoption agencies? I don’t know. I really don’t. All I know right now is we are so very tired.

I’ve been strangely ambivalent this month toward the whole thing, I guess because I didn’t want to get obsessively wrapped up in like I did the first time. But I’m not obsessive, or ambivalent, or even sad. I’m angry.

I can’t be funny, I can’t be friendly, I can’t be interested in anything else but my own self-pity. Do you know what that’s like? It’s a horrible feeling to be completely wrapped up in your own devastation. I’m not a good daughter, I’m not a good sister, I’m not a good friend, and I’m certainly not a good wife right now.

I am being very hard on myself, feeling like this whole thing is my fault. And my wonderful husband assures me it’s not, but I still feel like I’m holding him back from realizing this dream. I don’t know how to stop that feeling, and I don’t know what to do next.

So, you might want to block this blog for a while. I’m in no mood to be funny or even fun. It’s dark outside for me and John. So it may be dark for a while here, too. My heart hurts.

Back on the Road: First trip of 2008

Last Friday I got the last-minute news that I was traveling to LA for a meeting this week. I got very excited, because despite missing my family and hating cab rides and layovers and crazy airports and hotels, I've been bitten by the travel bug.

This is not to say I want to be gone as much as I was last year, at least not consecutively. And it doesn't mean that I don't feel like I'm missing out on things back home. But professionally, I'm at my best when I travel. And after having some extended time without travel and a slow holiday season I was ready to pack a suitcase.

I'm in LA now, no plane or airport problems. And I will be here less than 24 hours total. But as excited as I was all weekend to leave, the second I got through security in OKC I was ready to come back home. Because when you travel all the time you realize: there is no better feeling than going home.

It's a Problem

Hi, I'm Jessica. And I'm a Bubble Breaker-a-holic. When I think back to my years living in the dorms, one picture stands out: sitting in front of the computer chatting on AOL Instant Messenger while downloading unlimited free songs on Napster and playing Click-O-Mania.

Now that I have my new T-Mobile Dash SmartPhone I can chat on two different e-mails while downloading 99-cent songs and playing Bubble Breaker. While driving. I mean riding in the passenger seat. It's almost the same.
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I received a very generous gift of an iPhone for Christmas. My very own iPhone that I could walk out of the Apple store with and not set off sensors. My very own iPhone I could tuck into bed next to me each night. My very own iPhone that I always dreamed of.

But it was going to cost $400 to get out of our contract with T-Mobile. So I reluctantly sold the iPhone without ever opening the box (it would be too hard). But I did deserve a nice new phone, so now I have one. And I can play Bubble Breaker all day.

I'd better go now so I can figure out how to put the phone into airplane mode. I'm not spending 4 hours on a plane to LA tomorrow and NOT beat my high score...

Releiving football stress

Luckily I did not make a resolution to have a better attitude and a cleaner mouth when it comes to OU football. Because I would have broken it all 10 times over last night. Sigh...I tried to think of something I could boycott from West Virginia (like I boycotted potatoes from Idaho last year) but all I could think of was coal. I don't think it would be very effective to boycott coal.

Then I thought maybe it's not the TEAM that's bad luck, maybe it's the state of Arizona where the Fiesta Bowl is played. But the only thing I could think of to boycott from there was cactus, and I pretty much already boycott them because they hurt.

So, I'll lick my crimson and cream wounds and go on and wait another 8 months for kick-off in Norman!
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Does anyone know of a place in Edmond or NW OKC that has pilates classes? There are a couple of stipulations: it has to be just classes, no joining a gym AND they have to be offered at an appropriate time for someone who has an 8-hour job away from home.

I am desperate to join pilates (fell in love last year when I went through my gym phase) but don't know of any place where I can just take just the class. If you don't know of any classes, anyone know a personal pilates instructor or something that I could meet with? Affordable, of course.

I'm so demanding!

Resolutions

1. Pictures: take more pictures, print more pictures, learn more about photography, put the new camera to use, take more interesting pictures for my blog friends

2. Pay off the credit cards racked with doctor bills and San Francisco fun

3. Eat at home more (for economic reasons, not health reasons)

4. Don't buy things I don't need (unless I have a gift card)

5. Support John in his resolution to stay away from sweets for an entire year. I think this is insane, but I know he can do it if puts his mind to it. Also, if you see him drinking Starbucks or diet sodas or eating fruit--don't fear. Non-fat and sugar substitutes for beverages and any natural sweets are accepted. If you see John, please don't tempt him with a brownie. Just give it to me and I will make sure it's disposed of. In my mouth.

That's it! I think it's pretty realistic. No crazy exercising resolutions or weight loss resolutions or even general "be healthier" resolutions. All about being better with money and paying down debt.

Should be a good year...

Aren't we cute?!

Last night John and I went to a New Year's party with several of our friends. We had a blast bringing in the new year and I took lots of pictures. My new camera is awesome!

One of my resolutions is to take more pictures. Every week. And to print more pictures. I'm starting out 2008 in a good way, so enjoy!

Stroke of Midnight

This was a champagne-happy group. Luckily, there was sparkling grape juice for me and the kids!

Pretty sure Nathan was trying to drink champagne straight out of the bottle. That must explain the hat...

Friends

Had to get pictures this year with the same people as last year. In fact, last year's New Year's blog had a picture of me, Brooke, and Van--he just wasn't born yet!

And, of course, my girls Liz and Brooke--they bring friendship to an all new level!

Funny Hats

I don't know which picture is funnier...but that is one hilarious hat!

What's a party without party games?

We played Win, Lose, or Draw: 2008 Version. No one was injured during the course of the game, which is all together unusual....

Chocolate Fingers

Liz got a little too excited about the chocolate fountain. It had nothing to do with me breaking it...she just really likes chocolate.

Our Friend Van

Also known as Superbaby...

Careful not to pack her up in the attic with the rest of the decorations!