Dear John Letters: Volume 1

Dear John,

It's June 18th. I'm trying to remember what I was doing this time 4 years ago. I was in my third week of work at the new job, still intimidated and scared out of my mind. It was 4 days before our wedding. Looking back, I can't believe I made so many life changes at the same time, and I'm positive I wouldn't do it that way again. But I also think that's what kept me calm getting ready for the wedding. You were the one sure thing in my future....work and life after graduation was so unsure and scary. You weren't. I knew everything would be fine.

I'm not very good with dates, unless I have everything written down and backtracked in my Daytimer. So I'm not very good at remembering the date of our first (or second first) dates. I don't remember the date we got engaged (early May), or of our first kiss (though I remember it was our SEVENTH date and I thought it would never happen!). I don't remember the date of the first time we said "I love you", but I remember how it happened. So I'm sorry I can't celebrate these little pieces of memories each year as they happened. But know that they are fresh in my mind, and I remember every detail surrounding them.

I remember our first first date. After you called me out of the blue, and I felt like I had to say yes since I babysat your nephew and liked your family so much. And then we went to Spaghetti Warehouse and I rolled my eyes and thought you were incredibly dorky and judgemental, and you thought I was self-absorbed and stuck up. And we both fumbled for excuses as to why we couldn't go to a movie. I think getting up early for work was your excuse. I was so glad to be home and I dashed my mom's hopes and dreams when I told her it would be a cold day in hell before I would go back out with you.

And I remember a few weeks later when we were at VBS at Westwood, standing in the parking lot with all eyes on us as we exchanged pleasantries. And I don't know what made you ask me to go to dinner that night, or why I even agreed. But thank God I did. And we went to Interurban and laughed and talked like we were long-time best friends. Then, we walked to the movie theatre to see this little movie called "American Pie" that was supposed to be hilarious. And it was and it set the tone for this wonderful little relationship where we could laugh at anything, even awkward moments.

I remember how we went on a lot of dates that summer. And how it took you about a hundred years and SEVEN dates before you kissed me. And I remember we'd come back from Frontier City where you finally held my hand, and we were sitting in your Grand AM in the driveway saying goodnight and FINALLY you leaned over and kissed me. I still remember the butterflies in my stomach and I must have been beaming from ear to ear when I went inside.

I remember how you came to Norman so many nights after I moved into the dorms my freshman year. I was homesick, but excited. And I remember how you'd come down and we'd drive around town and talk about my roommates and suitemates and how it wouldn't take long for me to make friends. And I remember that night we hung out in my dorm room, and you finally left after Jenny got back and was ready for bed. And you left....then you called and we talked on the phone and finally you said "I want to tell you something, but not on the phone". And you drove ALL the way back to Norman, where I met you outside and sitting on the bench in front of Walker Center in the middle of the night you told me you loved me.

And of course, I remember that crazy night during finals week that you proposed. I knew it was coming....I even knew you'd asked my mom for permission. And we went to Chili's that night and you were nervous, but we had a horrible waitress and bad food and I think I was crying about my Political Research class final so you didn't do it. But you helped me study back at my apartment that night and I was getting ready for bed and I turned around and you were just standing there in the middle of my room staring at me. And you said you wanted to ask me something, got on your knee and asked me to marry you. And I remember thinking "I'm not even wearing make-up and I'm in my PJ's", which really should have made you think twice and remind you how self-absorbed and stuck-up I was!! Then I cried and said yes, and I ran into the living room to tell Laura, who was waiting up because you told her you were going to ask. And then I called everyone to tell them and I passed my final the next day with flying colors with that lucky diamond ring on my finger.

See--dates aren't important. It's the memories that count. I do however remember our anniversary date. The one I carefully selected and reviewed on a thousand invitations. And I know that it's Thursday. And every day this week, I'm going to remind you of special memories I have with you. Because I love you, and I love this journey we're on together. And I love every thing about what's gotten us here. And this week, I'm thinking of you.

Love,
Jess