Monday, June 02, 2008

WARNING! The Hotel in Seattle

Well, normally I would wrap this up within the Day 1 - Seattle post. However, it deserves it's own post.
WARNING: this is not appropriate for work. Not appropriate at all, actually. I should call this hotel the hotel we're too midwestern/southern/Bible-totin' to stay at.
We knew it was pretty swanky, but we got a great deal on it with our flight. We decided to fly in the day before the ship left and stay the night in Seattle. More on that later. However, I should have known that the hotel was a little much for us when we walked in and saw "the painting". Sorry, I didn't catch the name of the painting or the artist because I was rather distracted by the nipples and the man's head in her lap.

That was the FIRST thing we saw. Matt and John were in hog heaven...they literally couldn't spit out inappropriate comments and frat boy snickers fast enough. I was just glad they had someone to share it with...Robin and I were not impressed.

Once we arrived in our (very nice) room, we noticed a few things. Number one, there was no Bible on the side table. Instead there was a "Spiritual Menu". You could order such items as the Torah, the Koran, the Bible, the Book of Morman, the Buddhist Bible, and the Book on Scientology. And even some others I hadn't heard of. Your choice, they would deliver it to your room. We didn't order any, but looking back we should have asked for the Torah as the cruise ship was looking for a passenger to conduct Sabbath Eve services and John was interested in hosting.

Kidding, people, chuckle chuckle.
Anyway, we kept looking around for other things we'd never heard of in a hotel before, like a pillow menu (awesome). Then we hit the motherload. Under the TV was a tray of everything you needed for an intimate evening. Bottle of wine, two wine glasses, a flashlight, a bottle opener, an intimacy kit and the Mini-Max (your pleasure is our pleasure).

The disturbing thing was that the box for the Mini-Max had been opened several times and there were several seals stuck on top of each other. I didn't want to know if people had just been curious and taken a looksie or had used and passed on....didn't want to know. Anyway I hear that someone (not us, honestly) opened it to see and it apparently was a hot pink....personal assistant if you get what I'm saying. Of COURSE I took pictures, but they didn't come out very well.
There was also an intimacy kit with 2 condoms, 2 obstetrical towels, and a package of lubricant (I warned you at the beginning...I'm just reporting facts here). Oh, the laughs just kept on the rest of the evening!
I think all there really is to say is that it was just a little too much for us!

1 comment:

Nathan said...

My head is spinning with so many off-color jokes right now that I can't think straight.

Welcome home!