So, John and I have been thinking back to the year 2005 and what a thin year that was for us. When we were happy to go swimming in bathing suits around other people, when I bought a pair of size 2 pants, when we could walk the mall without being out of breath. That was the year we went on Weight Watchers with the family and saw such drastic, noticeable, and quick results. I remember buying a very cute bikini at Target and spending every second I could in the pool at my mom's house.
And then....we stopped. Got busy, I guess. Lost the motivation. And we haven't been the same since.
There is no way, in any sense, I could be called overweight. But I am not healthy. I feel tired and squishy and I'm pretty sure that yesterday my thighs started rubbing together. I can't fit into my favorite clothes and even if I can they don't feel right.
We've been saying for so long "we've got to get back on Weight Watchers" and we finally agreed with Robin on a date. September 10th, which is the Monday after John's 30th birthday. It still seems very far away because I can almost hear my arteries clogging with every chicken finger I stick in my mouth. And today may have been a low point when I ate more than one french fry at the airport even though the smell of them (they were garlic onion fries) made me sick to my stomach and they tasted horrible. Anyway....we will start our lifestyle change on September 10th, and on September 11th we will mark the very sad day in U.S. history with a very sad day of our own: weigh-in. Our first WW meeting in probably a year. And I'm pretty sure both of us will be at the heaviest we've ever been and there may be some tears and frustrations and probably disbelief.
I'm not going to WW to lose a bunch of weight because I'm fat. And I don't think I should get as thin as I was before, because that wasn't necessarily healthy either. But I've got to feel better about myself, and I've got to feel good about my body. I feel more confident, better at work, more energized, more social when I am at a healthy weight with a fit body. And it's never easy since my diet is based on plain cheeseburgers and maybe some fried fish.
Then, today I saw this amazing, inspiring post by my very good friend Liz about her battle against obesity and her absolute dedication to not letting it win. And I cried a little. I am so, so, so proud of her and her work at Weight Watchers lately, and I know between Liz and Brooke and Pam and Robin and Derek and John I will have a great support to stick to Weight Watchers.
So check back with me in about 6 weeks, when I hope to be 10 pounds lighter and much happier. And if you see me or John, encourage us...maybe tell us we look like we've lost a little weight. That always makes a dieter feel good!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The...Two Seasons?
Well, now I sit in a sad little room in a sad little hotel right off the highway in Sacramento. The view is completely obstructed by trees and it sits almost underneath the highway so it's dark and noisy. And it feels awfully institutional, even with the flat screen plasma.
I'm in a Hilton Garden Inn, which is altogether pretty nice but it's no Four Season's. Gosh I feel stifled...I think this room may only be a couple hundred square feet. I'm SO used to 1,000 square feet. And it's hard to go to the bathroom without cable TV in there.
Just kidding! The Four Seasons was WONDERFUL, but I haven't had the best time on this trip. It's so sad that I get to stay at these places and go to such exciting locales and not do anything. I have decided that John and I will be taking our next vacation in San Francisco. Though I REALLY want to go to Malibu and celeb watch. I'm pretty sure I would see Matthew McConaughey shirtless, because he's in People every week without a shirt and it says it's in Malibu.
Anyway....I was really disappointed I didn't get to go to San Francisco a few weeks ago, so John and I will be going there for a trip sometime. Soon. Very soon. I need to get away from work, not just get away. Plus...I miss John!
Want to know what something very disappointing? The Four Seasons had HUGE bottles of complimentary bath stuff. Well, 2.5 ounces in each but it was great, quality stuff. And I didn't take any of them. Because they wouldn't fit in my stupid 1-quart ziploc bag to get through airport security. And I'm doing my best not to check bags anymore. So I left it all behind....with my memories, I suppose.
Hey, did I mention my room service breakfast this morning was $30 for a muffin and bowl of berries? No coffee, no juice, no eggs....just berries and bread. It was delicious!
I'm in a Hilton Garden Inn, which is altogether pretty nice but it's no Four Season's. Gosh I feel stifled...I think this room may only be a couple hundred square feet. I'm SO used to 1,000 square feet. And it's hard to go to the bathroom without cable TV in there.
Just kidding! The Four Seasons was WONDERFUL, but I haven't had the best time on this trip. It's so sad that I get to stay at these places and go to such exciting locales and not do anything. I have decided that John and I will be taking our next vacation in San Francisco. Though I REALLY want to go to Malibu and celeb watch. I'm pretty sure I would see Matthew McConaughey shirtless, because he's in People every week without a shirt and it says it's in Malibu.
Anyway....I was really disappointed I didn't get to go to San Francisco a few weeks ago, so John and I will be going there for a trip sometime. Soon. Very soon. I need to get away from work, not just get away. Plus...I miss John!
Want to know what something very disappointing? The Four Seasons had HUGE bottles of complimentary bath stuff. Well, 2.5 ounces in each but it was great, quality stuff. And I didn't take any of them. Because they wouldn't fit in my stupid 1-quart ziploc bag to get through airport security. And I'm doing my best not to check bags anymore. So I left it all behind....with my memories, I suppose.
Hey, did I mention my room service breakfast this morning was $30 for a muffin and bowl of berries? No coffee, no juice, no eggs....just berries and bread. It was delicious!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Miss Teen USA - Questions (and Answers)
As my mother-in-law said, please don't tell me this girl wins!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Out of Place
Holy Crap. Just call me Angelina Jolie or something because I am living it up in high style.
Last Monday a colleague in California called me and asked if I could make a last-minute trip to L.A. this week to present at a meeting. And seeing as there was nothing holding me back (I'd left the week open in case there were doctor's trips planned) I said sure.
The meeting is at the Four Seasons in Westlake Village, CA. Because it was so last minute, they only had a few rooms left and none at the corporate rate everyone else had. So, I booked the cheapest room they had available, a Premier Room. It's expensive....you can look it up.
But, after I checked in and the room was FINALLY ready, I walked in and (I am not even exaggerating) I got lost. Got lost in my own guest room. Guys....there are TWO bathrooms in here. Two!! For little ol' me!
In addition, there are three closets, 3 hallways, 3 plasma screen TV's (including one in the bathroom), hardwood floors, crystal chandeliers, a remote control to open and close the drapes, a marble bathtub bigger than my whole master bathroom at home, and floor to ceiling windows in every room with views of the mountains. I'm telling you, it's out of control.
Turns out they upgraded me. How do I know? Because I was so lost in the room, I went back downstairs to make sure they didn't get me confused with another guest. I truly did not believe this was my room. They had upgraded me to a Deluxe One-Bedroom Suite (check out the floorplan). The ONLY other room that is bigger in this hotel is the Presidential Suite. My room is over 1,000 square feet. It is almost $1,000 per night, and I'm here for two nights.
WOW! Guess it was worth my time for a last-minute trip, even though it meant a week away from John. They even have slippers here!
Seriously, check out the floor plan. I'm signing off for now, so I can go watch TV while soaking in the marble bathtub. There's a phone in both bathrooms, right next to the toilet so if I call you tonight.....well, you know where I'll be!
Last Monday a colleague in California called me and asked if I could make a last-minute trip to L.A. this week to present at a meeting. And seeing as there was nothing holding me back (I'd left the week open in case there were doctor's trips planned) I said sure.
The meeting is at the Four Seasons in Westlake Village, CA. Because it was so last minute, they only had a few rooms left and none at the corporate rate everyone else had. So, I booked the cheapest room they had available, a Premier Room. It's expensive....you can look it up.
But, after I checked in and the room was FINALLY ready, I walked in and (I am not even exaggerating) I got lost. Got lost in my own guest room. Guys....there are TWO bathrooms in here. Two!! For little ol' me!
In addition, there are three closets, 3 hallways, 3 plasma screen TV's (including one in the bathroom), hardwood floors, crystal chandeliers, a remote control to open and close the drapes, a marble bathtub bigger than my whole master bathroom at home, and floor to ceiling windows in every room with views of the mountains. I'm telling you, it's out of control.
Turns out they upgraded me. How do I know? Because I was so lost in the room, I went back downstairs to make sure they didn't get me confused with another guest. I truly did not believe this was my room. They had upgraded me to a Deluxe One-Bedroom Suite (check out the floorplan). The ONLY other room that is bigger in this hotel is the Presidential Suite. My room is over 1,000 square feet. It is almost $1,000 per night, and I'm here for two nights.
WOW! Guess it was worth my time for a last-minute trip, even though it meant a week away from John. They even have slippers here!
Seriously, check out the floor plan. I'm signing off for now, so I can go watch TV while soaking in the marble bathtub. There's a phone in both bathrooms, right next to the toilet so if I call you tonight.....well, you know where I'll be!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
FOOOOOOOOOTBALL!!!!!!! I love DEFENSE!
In my travels, I often prepare myself for questions people have about Oklahoma. Usually it's something about "have you ever seen a REAL tornado?" or "do you ever see Barry Switzer?" or "are you afraid of ALL the tornadoes?". This week everyone I meet is asking me if my house flooded, like all of OKC flooded or something.
Everyone makes fun of awkward weather conversation. You know, like how elevators are always filled with people talking about the heat or the cold or the wind or the rain. Every. Single. Time. The doors open and close with weather. But I seriously don't think it's just awkward small talk. When you're from Oklahoma, weather is a bonding issue. My husband and I have serious conversations about the weather. My dad and I have long conversations about thunderstorms. And who can forget crazy Nathan and Liz who know all the Weather Channel anchor's names?! Weather is not small talk....it's serious talk.
Tonight, after about the thirteenth person to ask me if my house was flooded (no, it's not, but we did get 6 inches of rain in half an hour on Saturday) finally someone asked me if I was a Sooner. Yes! Born and bred and when I die I will be Sooner dead! That's me....let's talk football.
Ok, so he asked me what I thought of Eddie Sutton as a coach, so I politely said I respected him and he has a great reputation and we would kill for him to coach our school, but he's at the rival school up the creek. Then the conversation turned to football, and Bob Stoops, and the quarterback, and Adrian Peterson, and how it would be awesome to play Ohio State (he was a Buckeye), and we talked stats and history, and I blew him away at all my Sooner knowledge. By the time the conversation was over I was flushed and my heart was pounding and I couldn't believe there are only 8 more days to kickoff!
AAAHHH!!! Sooner football is upon us! All my depression and stress at work and my excitement of this most glorious time of year had gotten away from me. It's time to sing the chant, sing Boomer Sooner, wear crimson and cream, get my touchdown arms toned up for action, secure the HD signal on ESPNU. It's time to read up on my players, recognize their numbers, scream for some broken legs (the other team, of course). It's time for DE-FENSE, DE-FENSE and BLOCK THAT KICK. It's time for TEXAS SUCKS and Miami sucks and Nebraska sucks and oh yeah TEXAS SUCKS! Guys....it's football time!
Check out the video....I could post a hundred more that have me FIRED UP!
Everyone makes fun of awkward weather conversation. You know, like how elevators are always filled with people talking about the heat or the cold or the wind or the rain. Every. Single. Time. The doors open and close with weather. But I seriously don't think it's just awkward small talk. When you're from Oklahoma, weather is a bonding issue. My husband and I have serious conversations about the weather. My dad and I have long conversations about thunderstorms. And who can forget crazy Nathan and Liz who know all the Weather Channel anchor's names?! Weather is not small talk....it's serious talk.
Tonight, after about the thirteenth person to ask me if my house was flooded (no, it's not, but we did get 6 inches of rain in half an hour on Saturday) finally someone asked me if I was a Sooner. Yes! Born and bred and when I die I will be Sooner dead! That's me....let's talk football.
Ok, so he asked me what I thought of Eddie Sutton as a coach, so I politely said I respected him and he has a great reputation and we would kill for him to coach our school, but he's at the rival school up the creek. Then the conversation turned to football, and Bob Stoops, and the quarterback, and Adrian Peterson, and how it would be awesome to play Ohio State (he was a Buckeye), and we talked stats and history, and I blew him away at all my Sooner knowledge. By the time the conversation was over I was flushed and my heart was pounding and I couldn't believe there are only 8 more days to kickoff!
AAAHHH!!! Sooner football is upon us! All my depression and stress at work and my excitement of this most glorious time of year had gotten away from me. It's time to sing the chant, sing Boomer Sooner, wear crimson and cream, get my touchdown arms toned up for action, secure the HD signal on ESPNU. It's time to read up on my players, recognize their numbers, scream for some broken legs (the other team, of course). It's time for DE-FENSE, DE-FENSE and BLOCK THAT KICK. It's time for TEXAS SUCKS and Miami sucks and Nebraska sucks and oh yeah TEXAS SUCKS! Guys....it's football time!
Check out the video....I could post a hundred more that have me FIRED UP!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM OKLAHOMA IF
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store".
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your pickup...for your OWN pickup.
8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. You know whether another okie is from, north or south as soon as they open their mouth.
14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin"
15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
16. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop.
17. It's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?" "Dr Pepper"
18. You know all 5 directions...north, south, east, west, and yonder
19. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
I knew I was an okie at #15....this should be the list I talk about when people ask about Oklahoma!
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store".
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your pickup...for your OWN pickup.
8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. You know whether another okie is from, north or south as soon as they open their mouth.
14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin"
15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
16. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop.
17. It's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?" "Dr Pepper"
18. You know all 5 directions...north, south, east, west, and yonder
19. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
I knew I was an okie at #15....this should be the list I talk about when people ask about Oklahoma!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Chocolate
Thank you guys, again, for your comments and e-mails. I keep updating everyone because, well, people ask. I figure some of you are interested. And because it's all I think about. And, I'll be honest--I need your encouragement. You don't have to know what to say....it's nice just hearing people are thinking about us.
I have the absolute best sister in the world. This is a basket she brought me last night, with a card that would make any grown man cry. You'll notice the individually wrapped bags of candy. There are 60 there. One for every day over the next two months while I wait for a happy trip to the doctor. Because everyone needs a little chocolate each day, especially during hard times. I love you so much, Julia. You're the best. You're so thoughtful and sensitive...and you spent so much time just to make me feel better. Thank you!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Sadness (Yet another entry into my world of babies....or lack thereof)
Wow, I feel very.......deflated.....yes, that's a good word. Deflated. Other words to describe me today? Discouraged, disappointed, frustrated, angry, depressed. The D-words are really floating to the top right now.
I don't know what to say. After all the things that go wrong in the world, I'm afraid my infertility problems will come across as insignificant and even a little selfish. Who cares that I can't have a baby when people are dying and living in poverty?
But, then again, this is my world. And while I have been frustrated and impatient with this whole process I have yet to feel this emotion of SAD. I am sad today. Very sad and it's the worst feeling of all. Maybe it's because I allowed myself to believe that this month was going to be good. I allowed my "instincts" to run positive. So positive I even broke out the baby name book last night for the first time in a year. And I haven't been avoiding baby sections at stores. Maybe not seeking them out, but allowing myself to pass by without holding my breath and maybe even stopping for a peek at the pacifiers. I'm so afraid this is going to turn into jealous rage and sadness and I'll start avoiding baby showers or some insaneness like that. I hope this is just a passing feeling for today.
I have known I don't have control over my body for a long time. Over 4 years now I have been battling rheumatoid arthritis, and I have to say I often feel like I am losing. My joints ache, I'm stiff, the fatigue is uncontrollable and debilitating. The pain is exhausting.There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to control that, other than take the medications they prescribe. No control, no changes in lifestyle, nothing. It just runs its course.
Infertility has been similar to that experience, though it seems like much more is at stake. RA is just me, just my body. Infertility affects John, affects my family, affects my future. And, guys, there is NOTHING I can do. Nothing. Nothing can make time go faster. Nothing can make my body cooperate. Nothing can keep me from going out of my mind. I have been overwhelmingly hopeful and positive about the whole experience but today was a crushing blow.
The follicles from last month did not go away. They are gigantic and will probably take another 1-2 months to subside. To top that off, they found a polyp on my uterus which they had not been able to see before now. Polyp's in your uterus often act like an IUD (implanted birth control device). That could be a problem....my body thinks I have birth control in my system. Not even insemination or IVF could fix that. The polyp will likely have to be removed.....next month.
Yes, we are looking at another month before we can fix these things, and then another month after that before we can start trying again if everything is fixed. For those that are counting, that's TWO more months before we can even fathom getting pregnant which will bring the grand total to 22 months! Just shy of the two-year mark. We will not be having a party to celebrate that milestone, by the way.
So to celebrate all this news, I will stress myself out at work and fly on a few more planes. Pittsburgh this Thursday and Friday, Sacramento Sunday through Tuesday, Dallas next Thursday. At least I'll get through some good books and frequent flyer miles. And, hey, who knows? Since I won't be getting pregnant maybe I'll spice things up and drown myself in a few Mai-Tai's. I don't even like Mai-Tai's. But I bet they taste better than a dysfunctional uterus.
I don't know what to say. After all the things that go wrong in the world, I'm afraid my infertility problems will come across as insignificant and even a little selfish. Who cares that I can't have a baby when people are dying and living in poverty?
But, then again, this is my world. And while I have been frustrated and impatient with this whole process I have yet to feel this emotion of SAD. I am sad today. Very sad and it's the worst feeling of all. Maybe it's because I allowed myself to believe that this month was going to be good. I allowed my "instincts" to run positive. So positive I even broke out the baby name book last night for the first time in a year. And I haven't been avoiding baby sections at stores. Maybe not seeking them out, but allowing myself to pass by without holding my breath and maybe even stopping for a peek at the pacifiers. I'm so afraid this is going to turn into jealous rage and sadness and I'll start avoiding baby showers or some insaneness like that. I hope this is just a passing feeling for today.
I have known I don't have control over my body for a long time. Over 4 years now I have been battling rheumatoid arthritis, and I have to say I often feel like I am losing. My joints ache, I'm stiff, the fatigue is uncontrollable and debilitating. The pain is exhausting.There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to control that, other than take the medications they prescribe. No control, no changes in lifestyle, nothing. It just runs its course.
Infertility has been similar to that experience, though it seems like much more is at stake. RA is just me, just my body. Infertility affects John, affects my family, affects my future. And, guys, there is NOTHING I can do. Nothing. Nothing can make time go faster. Nothing can make my body cooperate. Nothing can keep me from going out of my mind. I have been overwhelmingly hopeful and positive about the whole experience but today was a crushing blow.
The follicles from last month did not go away. They are gigantic and will probably take another 1-2 months to subside. To top that off, they found a polyp on my uterus which they had not been able to see before now. Polyp's in your uterus often act like an IUD (implanted birth control device). That could be a problem....my body thinks I have birth control in my system. Not even insemination or IVF could fix that. The polyp will likely have to be removed.....next month.
Yes, we are looking at another month before we can fix these things, and then another month after that before we can start trying again if everything is fixed. For those that are counting, that's TWO more months before we can even fathom getting pregnant which will bring the grand total to 22 months! Just shy of the two-year mark. We will not be having a party to celebrate that milestone, by the way.
So to celebrate all this news, I will stress myself out at work and fly on a few more planes. Pittsburgh this Thursday and Friday, Sacramento Sunday through Tuesday, Dallas next Thursday. At least I'll get through some good books and frequent flyer miles. And, hey, who knows? Since I won't be getting pregnant maybe I'll spice things up and drown myself in a few Mai-Tai's. I don't even like Mai-Tai's. But I bet they taste better than a dysfunctional uterus.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Just something I was thinking about...
Sometimes things just move you, shake your to the core, cause you to reevaluate, cause you to ache for someone you don't even know...
Not long ago, I talked about the amazing church group I found 8 years ago at the Alameda Church of Christ in Norman. How after graduation I moved back to Edmond, but my friendships did not fade. That, in fact, over the last year my friendships from that congregation have grown...and I've even made new ones. The love and support the women of this congregation show each other is nothing short of inspiring, and I feel blessed to have just a piece of that.
When I went to Alameda, I knew of Mark and Melinda Evans. They were supporters of the campus ministry there, and a dynamic couple that everyone knew of. I didn't get to know them more than just in passing, but how was I to know I missed a true opportunity? It was only a few short years later that Melinda's name began to come up in my conversations with my Norman friends. Melinda had been diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer.
The group at Alameda did more than just mention Melinda. There was an active prayer program. Active support while Melinda was in treatment. Hours of babysitting, tons of food, research by many members to understand the disease, countless conversation to keep spirits up, and so many other things that makes having a church family one of the greatest investments you can make. And then there was the group that began walking for Melinda. Walking at the Oklahoma City Race for the Cure, walking in Texas walks, walking around the neighborhood to get ready for the Races. That was something they could do--walk for awareness.
Melinda fought the cancer, and ironically it wasn't what killed her. She was 31 years old, and fought back to be a cancer survivor, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter. She died Friday after complications from a reconstructive surgery. I don't know the whole story, and I don't pretend to know Melinda very well. I don't pretend to think I will miss her like any other of her close friends will. I don't pretend to comprehend what her husband and three beautiful children will face.
But this I can say--find a church family. Make the investment. The love and hope that I have experienced through Melinda's battle has come from her friends. I'm inspired, and I feel like I know this woman because of their commitment to her. I am so sad, and I feel like I knew her. It's a testament to the legacy she's leaving behind with those she touched.
Pam, Jenny, Amy, Michelle, Cary have all written beautiful posts about Melinda. Each describes her a different way, and Amy's is particularly telling. You can also find out more about her battle and her beautiful family. Sometimes, it's important for us to pray for people we don't know...and I think everyone touched by Melinda Evans needs prayers right now.
And thank you to my church family in Edmond....because I know if I were to face these same challenges, I would have that same support.
Just something I was thinking about....
Not long ago, I talked about the amazing church group I found 8 years ago at the Alameda Church of Christ in Norman. How after graduation I moved back to Edmond, but my friendships did not fade. That, in fact, over the last year my friendships from that congregation have grown...and I've even made new ones. The love and support the women of this congregation show each other is nothing short of inspiring, and I feel blessed to have just a piece of that.
When I went to Alameda, I knew of Mark and Melinda Evans. They were supporters of the campus ministry there, and a dynamic couple that everyone knew of. I didn't get to know them more than just in passing, but how was I to know I missed a true opportunity? It was only a few short years later that Melinda's name began to come up in my conversations with my Norman friends. Melinda had been diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer.
The group at Alameda did more than just mention Melinda. There was an active prayer program. Active support while Melinda was in treatment. Hours of babysitting, tons of food, research by many members to understand the disease, countless conversation to keep spirits up, and so many other things that makes having a church family one of the greatest investments you can make. And then there was the group that began walking for Melinda. Walking at the Oklahoma City Race for the Cure, walking in Texas walks, walking around the neighborhood to get ready for the Races. That was something they could do--walk for awareness.
Melinda fought the cancer, and ironically it wasn't what killed her. She was 31 years old, and fought back to be a cancer survivor, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter. She died Friday after complications from a reconstructive surgery. I don't know the whole story, and I don't pretend to know Melinda very well. I don't pretend to think I will miss her like any other of her close friends will. I don't pretend to comprehend what her husband and three beautiful children will face.
But this I can say--find a church family. Make the investment. The love and hope that I have experienced through Melinda's battle has come from her friends. I'm inspired, and I feel like I know this woman because of their commitment to her. I am so sad, and I feel like I knew her. It's a testament to the legacy she's leaving behind with those she touched.
Pam, Jenny, Amy, Michelle, Cary have all written beautiful posts about Melinda. Each describes her a different way, and Amy's is particularly telling. You can also find out more about her battle and her beautiful family. Sometimes, it's important for us to pray for people we don't know...and I think everyone touched by Melinda Evans needs prayers right now.
And thank you to my church family in Edmond....because I know if I were to face these same challenges, I would have that same support.
Just something I was thinking about....
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Walnut Creek
No San Francisco. I made it here at a decent hour, but it just didn't work out. On the bright side I had dinner in the exciting downtown Walnut Creek, California. This town reminds me of something out of "Father of the Bride". Lots of tree-lined, pedestrian-friendly streets.
And my meeting today ended early...yay. Get to sit in the hotel room all night. I could, theoretically, take the shuttle to downtown Walnut Creek and go shopping or browsing or eat. But I'm too lazy and I hate doing that stuff on my own. So instead I'll sit here and read blogs, work, and wait on room service (my usual--cheeseburger).
I do love this hotel. I'm staying at the Embassy Suites in Walnut Creek, and while it's not the fanciest hotel I've ever stayed in the people here are SO nice, and lots of cable channels.
I do have to get to bed early tonight since my cab is picking me up at 4:15 tomorrow morning. My flight (pleasepleaseplease) leaves at 6:00 a.m. Seriously, I'm not trying to jinx it...I really, really want it to leave on time and just get me home.
Remember a few weeks ago when I posted my List? Well tonight on a particularly funny episode of "King of Queens" they talked about that ONE person they were allowed. She said Mel Gibson, he said her nail girl. I thought that was funny!
And my meeting today ended early...yay. Get to sit in the hotel room all night. I could, theoretically, take the shuttle to downtown Walnut Creek and go shopping or browsing or eat. But I'm too lazy and I hate doing that stuff on my own. So instead I'll sit here and read blogs, work, and wait on room service (my usual--cheeseburger).
I do love this hotel. I'm staying at the Embassy Suites in Walnut Creek, and while it's not the fanciest hotel I've ever stayed in the people here are SO nice, and lots of cable channels.
I do have to get to bed early tonight since my cab is picking me up at 4:15 tomorrow morning. My flight (pleasepleaseplease) leaves at 6:00 a.m. Seriously, I'm not trying to jinx it...I really, really want it to leave on time and just get me home.
Remember a few weeks ago when I posted my List? Well tonight on a particularly funny episode of "King of Queens" they talked about that ONE person they were allowed. She said Mel Gibson, he said her nail girl. I thought that was funny!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Delayed Reaction
Guess what guys? I hadn't even received my boarding pass this morning in OKC before my flight was delayed! What a great way to start my day! I am an OPTIMIST, little gets me down so I have been smiling ear-to-ear all morning!! Notice the overuse of exclamation points?!!!
Then, I arrive in Denver (with still an hour to spare for a hopeful on-time departure) and guess what?
Come on, guess!!!
Oh, you know what's coming....
A SECOND DELAYED FLIGHT!!!!
I was worried after the Chicago trip that I might be losing my curse. No worries now!
I have a sinking feeling that my plans are ruined. I was coming in early today, so that I could go out with some colleagues into San Francisco tonight. You know, something FUN on a business trip instead of being stuck in a stuffy hotel room with a room service cheeseburger once again. At this rate, it will be evening before I arrive, and I won't even feel up to going out on the town.
But here I am.....smiling!!! I sure hope there won't be much SMILING to do on Friday. I hope my flights home are so on-time it makes me depressed and no smiling will occur.
Then, I arrive in Denver (with still an hour to spare for a hopeful on-time departure) and guess what?
Come on, guess!!!
Oh, you know what's coming....
A SECOND DELAYED FLIGHT!!!!
I was worried after the Chicago trip that I might be losing my curse. No worries now!
I have a sinking feeling that my plans are ruined. I was coming in early today, so that I could go out with some colleagues into San Francisco tonight. You know, something FUN on a business trip instead of being stuck in a stuffy hotel room with a room service cheeseburger once again. At this rate, it will be evening before I arrive, and I won't even feel up to going out on the town.
But here I am.....smiling!!! I sure hope there won't be much SMILING to do on Friday. I hope my flights home are so on-time it makes me depressed and no smiling will occur.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Mud on the Tires
After all my thoughts yesterday, I finally had some redemption last night when I arranged for a good friend to get a call from the man of her dreams. You can read about her experience here (get ready for some major belly laughs) and it made me feel at least like a good friend!
I also love that this blog introduces me to new people, and strangely makes connections in the most personal way. Thanks, Shelly, for commenting! You gave me a lot of encouragement.
-------------------------------------
I spent last night downloading some new songs on iTunes for my trip tomorrow. One of my favorite feel-good artists is Brad Paisley. He always has funny and heartwarming songs. One of my favorites is called "Mud on the Tires".
It reminds me of time with my dad when I was little. At one point in my life, he and my mom went in with some friends to lease a little piece of land and a pond (lake?) for someplace to escape to. We called it "the lease" (real original, I know). Because I was pretty young, details on it are fuzzy, but the memories aren't.
My dad has always been a pretty big outdoor buff. We did A LOT of camping with my Girl Scout troops, and my dad has always been an amateur meteorologist and amateur astronomer. Many a stormy Oklahoma day we spent on the roof looking for tornadoes, and many a clear night we spent in the front yard with a telescope.
Dad also used to take me fishing quite a bit. I remember I had a kid's fishing pole that was orange and white with Snoopy on the reel, and I remember collecting fishing lewers in my own tackle box. I always went for the pink and purple sparkly ones, and never wanted to actually use them!
When they got The Lease, it was the perfect excuse for fishing time. He'd load me up in the '79 yellow pickup (that later would serve as the bain of my existence when I drove it in high school) and we'd head out for some fishing time.
I don't remember if I lasted very long. I was probably more of a hassle than a good fishing partner. But I couldn't have been too bad because he kept taking me. And I don't remember him taking my sister as much so that tells me I was at least quieter than she was! I remember being "shushed" so the fish would bite, and I remember we ALWAYS threw them back in the water so they could go home to their families. I can still remember what the shore at The Lease looked like from the middle of the pond.
We'd often have cookouts with friends and got a chance to run around and explore the high grass and trees and get covered in mosquito bites. I'm sure my dad is very disappointed with me now, since I do everything I can to avoid the outdoors! But when I hear "Mud on the Tires" it makes me wish I still had that place to go and just get away from technology and stress and adulthood for a while. I think Brad Paisley wrote it with a girlfriend in mind....but for me it always reminds me of trips with my dad.
Mud on the Tires
Well I've got some big news, the bank finally came through
And I'm holding the keys to the brand new Chevrolet
Have you been outside? Sure it a nice night
How 'bout a little test drive, down by the lake
There's a place I know about, where the dirt road runs out
We can try out the four-wheel drive
Come on now what you say? I can hardly wait
To get a little mud on the tires.
'Cause it's a good night to be out there soakin' up the moonlight
Stake out a little piece of shoreline and I've for the perfect place in mind
It's in the middle of nowhere, only one way to get there
You gotta get a little mud on the tires
Moonlight on a duck blind, catfish on a trot line
Sun sets about nine, this time of year
Oh we can throw a blanket down, crickets singing in the background
And more stars than you can count on a night this clear
I tell ya what we need to do is grab a sleepin' bag or two
And build us a little campfire
And then with a little luck, we might just get stuck
Let's get a little mud on the tires
'Cause it's a good night to be out there soakin' up the moonlight
Stake out a little piece of shoreline and I've for the perfect place in mind
It's in the middle of nowhere, only one way to get there
You gotta get a little mud on the tires
I also love that this blog introduces me to new people, and strangely makes connections in the most personal way. Thanks, Shelly, for commenting! You gave me a lot of encouragement.
-------------------------------------
I spent last night downloading some new songs on iTunes for my trip tomorrow. One of my favorite feel-good artists is Brad Paisley. He always has funny and heartwarming songs. One of my favorites is called "Mud on the Tires".
It reminds me of time with my dad when I was little. At one point in my life, he and my mom went in with some friends to lease a little piece of land and a pond (lake?) for someplace to escape to. We called it "the lease" (real original, I know). Because I was pretty young, details on it are fuzzy, but the memories aren't.
My dad has always been a pretty big outdoor buff. We did A LOT of camping with my Girl Scout troops, and my dad has always been an amateur meteorologist and amateur astronomer. Many a stormy Oklahoma day we spent on the roof looking for tornadoes, and many a clear night we spent in the front yard with a telescope.
Dad also used to take me fishing quite a bit. I remember I had a kid's fishing pole that was orange and white with Snoopy on the reel, and I remember collecting fishing lewers in my own tackle box. I always went for the pink and purple sparkly ones, and never wanted to actually use them!
When they got The Lease, it was the perfect excuse for fishing time. He'd load me up in the '79 yellow pickup (that later would serve as the bain of my existence when I drove it in high school) and we'd head out for some fishing time.
I don't remember if I lasted very long. I was probably more of a hassle than a good fishing partner. But I couldn't have been too bad because he kept taking me. And I don't remember him taking my sister as much so that tells me I was at least quieter than she was! I remember being "shushed" so the fish would bite, and I remember we ALWAYS threw them back in the water so they could go home to their families. I can still remember what the shore at The Lease looked like from the middle of the pond.
We'd often have cookouts with friends and got a chance to run around and explore the high grass and trees and get covered in mosquito bites. I'm sure my dad is very disappointed with me now, since I do everything I can to avoid the outdoors! But when I hear "Mud on the Tires" it makes me wish I still had that place to go and just get away from technology and stress and adulthood for a while. I think Brad Paisley wrote it with a girlfriend in mind....but for me it always reminds me of trips with my dad.
Mud on the Tires
Well I've got some big news, the bank finally came through
And I'm holding the keys to the brand new Chevrolet
Have you been outside? Sure it a nice night
How 'bout a little test drive, down by the lake
There's a place I know about, where the dirt road runs out
We can try out the four-wheel drive
Come on now what you say? I can hardly wait
To get a little mud on the tires.
'Cause it's a good night to be out there soakin' up the moonlight
Stake out a little piece of shoreline and I've for the perfect place in mind
It's in the middle of nowhere, only one way to get there
You gotta get a little mud on the tires
Moonlight on a duck blind, catfish on a trot line
Sun sets about nine, this time of year
Oh we can throw a blanket down, crickets singing in the background
And more stars than you can count on a night this clear
I tell ya what we need to do is grab a sleepin' bag or two
And build us a little campfire
And then with a little luck, we might just get stuck
Let's get a little mud on the tires
'Cause it's a good night to be out there soakin' up the moonlight
Stake out a little piece of shoreline and I've for the perfect place in mind
It's in the middle of nowhere, only one way to get there
You gotta get a little mud on the tires
Monday, August 13, 2007
Service
This morning I got up and turned to the "Today Show". I don't know why, since my weekday mornings are always filled with 2-3 episodes of "Saved By the Bell" and the first 15 minutes of "Dawson's Creek". But, I turned it over. Maybe because I feel completely out of the loop on world happenings.
Which I'm OK with, since there is nothing good going on in the world today.
What did I see on "Today"? Well, I saw a bit about the lost miners in Utah. Then I saw a bit about the rescue and recovery effort at the Minnesota bridge collapse. There was a piece on the soldiers in Iraq. And there were several other things that brought me to the conclusion that sometimes my life is so futile. My job is so futile. I mean, those miners in Utah risk their lives every single day to find energy sources for people they don't even know. Those rescuers risk their lives every day to save people or at least find answers for people they don't even know. And don't get me started on the military and the people who are sent overseas to fight in places like Iraq so that the hardest decision I have to make is which two shows to DVR on Thursdays when Scrubs, Grey's, and CSI are all on at the same time.
I've been stressing so much about work and doing a great job, and finding time for family and friends and rest and myself. But at the end of the day, my job doesn't affect anyone. I really do offer a great service to my clients and I help them get through rough times and help manage their image (because they are great people). But I'm not rescuing people from a muddy river, or hiking deep into a dark mountain for electricity, or seeking out terrorists in far-away cities. I just get overwhelmed with e-mail.
I don't know where all this is going. I just wonder why I didn't choose to follow a career path that helped people. Why I didn't become a teacher, or a nurse, or at least choose a PR career in the non-profit world. Why I gave up being on the board of an important local non-profit organization because of my lack of time. Why I feel little drive to volunteer anywhere. Why am I not service-led? Is that why sometimes I feel so busy, yet so bored at the same time? Because I'm only thinking of myself? Is that why I want to be a parent so bad? Because I want to lead somebody, I want my life to have meaning, because I want to leave a legacy?
Nah....it's mostly because I've always known I want to be a mom. I have a great role model for that, and my dream is to have the kind of relationship with my daughter (or son) that I have with her.
Totally other subject, though. I am feeling very strange today. Like maybe I need to suck it up and do something for someone other than myself. As rewarding as book club, and game night, and TV day, and sleep-in day, and shopping because I "deserve it" might seem, I find the most reward I get is when I'm surrounded with people. When I'm making a connection. When I'm helping friends through rough moments. When I'm doing things for people I don't even know because it will help their day go easier.
I need to stop stressing myself out over things that won't matter at the end of the day. My job matters, it really does. To me, my coworkers, my clients. And it matters to our family because it allows us to function in this lifestyle we've built. But I also need to remember that it's not all about me. And I don't have the kind of job that reminds me of that everyday, so I need to make sure and seek out opportunities to remind me.
Which I'm OK with, since there is nothing good going on in the world today.
What did I see on "Today"? Well, I saw a bit about the lost miners in Utah. Then I saw a bit about the rescue and recovery effort at the Minnesota bridge collapse. There was a piece on the soldiers in Iraq. And there were several other things that brought me to the conclusion that sometimes my life is so futile. My job is so futile. I mean, those miners in Utah risk their lives every single day to find energy sources for people they don't even know. Those rescuers risk their lives every day to save people or at least find answers for people they don't even know. And don't get me started on the military and the people who are sent overseas to fight in places like Iraq so that the hardest decision I have to make is which two shows to DVR on Thursdays when Scrubs, Grey's, and CSI are all on at the same time.
I've been stressing so much about work and doing a great job, and finding time for family and friends and rest and myself. But at the end of the day, my job doesn't affect anyone. I really do offer a great service to my clients and I help them get through rough times and help manage their image (because they are great people). But I'm not rescuing people from a muddy river, or hiking deep into a dark mountain for electricity, or seeking out terrorists in far-away cities. I just get overwhelmed with e-mail.
I don't know where all this is going. I just wonder why I didn't choose to follow a career path that helped people. Why I didn't become a teacher, or a nurse, or at least choose a PR career in the non-profit world. Why I gave up being on the board of an important local non-profit organization because of my lack of time. Why I feel little drive to volunteer anywhere. Why am I not service-led? Is that why sometimes I feel so busy, yet so bored at the same time? Because I'm only thinking of myself? Is that why I want to be a parent so bad? Because I want to lead somebody, I want my life to have meaning, because I want to leave a legacy?
Nah....it's mostly because I've always known I want to be a mom. I have a great role model for that, and my dream is to have the kind of relationship with my daughter (or son) that I have with her.
Totally other subject, though. I am feeling very strange today. Like maybe I need to suck it up and do something for someone other than myself. As rewarding as book club, and game night, and TV day, and sleep-in day, and shopping because I "deserve it" might seem, I find the most reward I get is when I'm surrounded with people. When I'm making a connection. When I'm helping friends through rough moments. When I'm doing things for people I don't even know because it will help their day go easier.
I need to stop stressing myself out over things that won't matter at the end of the day. My job matters, it really does. To me, my coworkers, my clients. And it matters to our family because it allows us to function in this lifestyle we've built. But I also need to remember that it's not all about me. And I don't have the kind of job that reminds me of that everyday, so I need to make sure and seek out opportunities to remind me.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
I'm so boring, I am falling asleep writing this
Yes! I did post about limos and great meals Thursday night. And no, it wasn't a dream. Just took off some of the details. I'd write more, but we'll just say we had an awesome night just the two of us in a limo and at Boulevard Steakhouse. Want to know more? E-mail me....I'll explain!
In the meantime....hello blogging world! It's been a while since I posted anything of any interest. I feel like I've been having an out of body experience for the past few weeks. Maybe it has something to do with about a thousand things at work, several days of very early mornings, and a lot of car time. And it doesn't look like it's going to get any better. California next week, Pittsburgh the week after that.
I feel like all I do is complain about this awesome job I have. I really, really do love my job. I just think sometimes I have so much to do, and I add too much without delegating then I expect myself to do everything 120%. But it's impossible...and then I end up snapping at people who don't deserve to be snapped at. Like my boss....and my husband...and my best friend....and, well, everyone around me. It gets like this every August and September. It's just that time of year. I hope to be back to blogging with much more interesting and insightful thoughts soon.
Went to a wedding in Ada last night. It was one of my client's daughters, but she also interned for me and became a pretty good friend as well. It was a beautiful wedding, and lots of GREAT food. It made the long drive worth it.
Other than that, this weekend has been about getting some rest. Seems like that's all I want to do anymore is to lay around and sleep on the weekends. I know John is getting pretty tired of me. One of these days I'm going to be fun again!
Ok....I'm signing off for now. Sorry so boring, and I'll try to update more often this week. Hopefully I'll actually have some FUN in California this week, instead of just business so no promises you'll hear from me during that time. We'll see....
In the meantime....hello blogging world! It's been a while since I posted anything of any interest. I feel like I've been having an out of body experience for the past few weeks. Maybe it has something to do with about a thousand things at work, several days of very early mornings, and a lot of car time. And it doesn't look like it's going to get any better. California next week, Pittsburgh the week after that.
I feel like all I do is complain about this awesome job I have. I really, really do love my job. I just think sometimes I have so much to do, and I add too much without delegating then I expect myself to do everything 120%. But it's impossible...and then I end up snapping at people who don't deserve to be snapped at. Like my boss....and my husband...and my best friend....and, well, everyone around me. It gets like this every August and September. It's just that time of year. I hope to be back to blogging with much more interesting and insightful thoughts soon.
Went to a wedding in Ada last night. It was one of my client's daughters, but she also interned for me and became a pretty good friend as well. It was a beautiful wedding, and lots of GREAT food. It made the long drive worth it.
Other than that, this weekend has been about getting some rest. Seems like that's all I want to do anymore is to lay around and sleep on the weekends. I know John is getting pretty tired of me. One of these days I'm going to be fun again!
Ok....I'm signing off for now. Sorry so boring, and I'll try to update more often this week. Hopefully I'll actually have some FUN in California this week, instead of just business so no promises you'll hear from me during that time. We'll see....
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Two thumbs up
I fell in love with a movie today called "Little Miss Sunshine". If you haven't seen it, you should. It's funny, in a dysfunctional family kind of way. It's heartfelt. There were times you could have been sad, but I walked away feeling really refreshed. The end, where the little girl performs her talent routine in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant, was worth every single second of the movie.
It's really wonderful.
I also finally got around to watching "Capote" which was more wonderful that what I expected. Dark and dramatic, it was also compelling and I couldn't stop watching it. It was like a book you can't put down. I'm re-reading (for at least the tenth time) "To Kill a Mockingbird" for book club, so I'm into learning about Truman Capote and Harper Lee and that whole time period.
Luckily I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" after "Capote", otherwise I might have spent the day depressed!
It's really wonderful.
I also finally got around to watching "Capote" which was more wonderful that what I expected. Dark and dramatic, it was also compelling and I couldn't stop watching it. It was like a book you can't put down. I'm re-reading (for at least the tenth time) "To Kill a Mockingbird" for book club, so I'm into learning about Truman Capote and Harper Lee and that whole time period.
Luckily I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" after "Capote", otherwise I might have spent the day depressed!
Friday, August 03, 2007
On-time Arrival
It's amazing. My plane ticket said I would arrive back in Oklahoma City at 8:15 pm. And I did.
Even after delays on both flights (including one "maintenance issue") I still arrived on time. I wasn't quite sure what to do, being that it's the first time in months I've flown into OKC before midnight.
I had a GREAT trip to Chicago. The meetings were meetings, kind of boring. But this is the first time since I began my career that I felt comfortable while networking/mingling. I knew so many people that I never get to see both on company side and client side. I was a master schmoozer....you would all have been proud.
I'm "on vacation" today, even though I spent 3 hours on the phone for work this morning. Tonight we're having our class from church over for some Wii time. I'm so excited. Plus, we're babysitting Laura's little girl, Riley. I can't wait to have her here to kiss and squeeze all night!
Other than that, things are pretty mellow. And for those of you who read the Quad's website, they are here and pics are posted! Check out the blog of the Steece's, a really neat family.
Even after delays on both flights (including one "maintenance issue") I still arrived on time. I wasn't quite sure what to do, being that it's the first time in months I've flown into OKC before midnight.
I had a GREAT trip to Chicago. The meetings were meetings, kind of boring. But this is the first time since I began my career that I felt comfortable while networking/mingling. I knew so many people that I never get to see both on company side and client side. I was a master schmoozer....you would all have been proud.
I'm "on vacation" today, even though I spent 3 hours on the phone for work this morning. Tonight we're having our class from church over for some Wii time. I'm so excited. Plus, we're babysitting Laura's little girl, Riley. I can't wait to have her here to kiss and squeeze all night!
Other than that, things are pretty mellow. And for those of you who read the Quad's website, they are here and pics are posted! Check out the blog of the Steece's, a really neat family.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Chic-AH-go
One of the things I hate the most about business travel is that often I fly in, head to the hotel, sit in meetings in the hotel, and fly back out. There's never any time to explore the cities I go to, and rarely anyone that would go with me anyway.
Tonight my boss and I headed to downtown Chicago to meet an acquaintance and have dinner in the Windy City. Sounds like fun, right? I was hopeful. But, we're staying at the O'Hare Hyatt, which is about 45-minute ride on the L (train) on a good night. For us it took over an hour to get there, and an hour and 15 minutes to get home. But, it was good to see an old friend and eat sweet potato fries so I guess it wasn't a total bust. But makes for a long night. Not to mention some of the crazies on the train. And, as we were getting off the L and heading back to the hotel, I ran into my OLD boss, the guy who hired me! So it was fun catching up.
Anyway, my trip to Chicago has been great so far, though a little overwhelming. There's about a thousand people I know and every time I turn around I'm schmoozing with someone else I've met twice and haven't seen in 3 years or something. I guess it's good that I have so many people to talk to, there will likely be no uncomfortable moments.
Tomorrow is a day of meetings from 8:30 until around 11 p.m. Heaven help me....
Tonight my boss and I headed to downtown Chicago to meet an acquaintance and have dinner in the Windy City. Sounds like fun, right? I was hopeful. But, we're staying at the O'Hare Hyatt, which is about 45-minute ride on the L (train) on a good night. For us it took over an hour to get there, and an hour and 15 minutes to get home. But, it was good to see an old friend and eat sweet potato fries so I guess it wasn't a total bust. But makes for a long night. Not to mention some of the crazies on the train. And, as we were getting off the L and heading back to the hotel, I ran into my OLD boss, the guy who hired me! So it was fun catching up.
Anyway, my trip to Chicago has been great so far, though a little overwhelming. There's about a thousand people I know and every time I turn around I'm schmoozing with someone else I've met twice and haven't seen in 3 years or something. I guess it's good that I have so many people to talk to, there will likely be no uncomfortable moments.
Tomorrow is a day of meetings from 8:30 until around 11 p.m. Heaven help me....
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