Saturday, March 08, 2008

Things I don't "get"

Emily, this one is for you.

Things I don't "get":

1) People who run: I don't "get" people who run for fun. The only situations in which I would "run" is if I were escaping an attacker, or the Girl Scouts were packing up their cookie sales in front of Wal-Mart and I needed more Thin Mints. That's it. Running is not fun, people. Quit pretending.

2) Soccer: I don't get soccer. Oh, I mean, I get the game. You run back and forth across the field and the goalies pick clovers until the ball comes to them. What I don't get is people who enjoy it so much they want their kids to play. And then they let their kids play and get stuck spending 5 days a week at practice and all day Saturday starting at 6 a.m. I don't "get" that. And don't tell me "you'll put your kids in soccer, it's an Edmond thing to do". Because I won', basketball, gymnastics, lacrosse, even baseball. But mark my words: no soccer.

3) People who enjoy exercise in general: I am obviously not a fit person, but from time to time I will do a walking program or join a gym or try some pilates. I've considered joining a local class-only gym and taking some pole dancing classes. So, hey, I know there are times out there that people like to feel fit. Like 6 weeks before they go to Hawaii. However, how in the H people enjoy exercise is beyond me. People, it's not fun. Really, it's not. And for those of you who enjoy spin class or step class? May God have mercy on your soul for participating in what can only be described as pure, satanic torture.

4) Reality TV: You could argue and say I partake in reality TV, like The Hills and Laguna Beach and The Real World (old seasons, I can't watch the newer stuff anymore). But let's be honest...that's not reality. And, ok, I'll give you Jon and Kate but it's like watching a freakshow you can't take your eyes off of (I love you, Jon and Kate!). But other than that, I don't get reality TV. I don't get Dancing with the Stars, and I really don't get Big Brother. Or Survivor. I can honestly say I've never watched Survivor. I don't get it.

Fine--I'll give you ANTM marathons, but it's more about the marathon format than it is the actual show. Give me anything in marathon form and I'll watch it, really.

5) Golf: I do not understand what in the world is great about golf, what it interesting or relaxing. John often comes home more stressed after playing than he was before he left, griping about a bad hole or poor putting. I can't think of anything more boring than golf.

6) Oh WAIT! Yes, I can! NASCAR. What is the appeal of NASCAR? They are cars that drive in a circle for HOURS. That's it, y'all...driving in a circle. And considering a large number of their fans are the type of people who decorate their wedding with beer can centerpieces...well, I don't get that type either.

7) Skinny jeans on guys: I'll say it again. Because I'm seeing it more and more, and I do NOT "get" why guys would want to wear skinny jeans.

8) Fruity desserts: Why would you spend $5 at a restaurant for an apple crisp or berry parfait, when you could spend that $5 on the double fudge cake. Or a big ol' brownie? I like fruit as much as the next person, but DESSERT = chocolate. It's as simple an equation as that.

9) Jessica Alba: I think I've made my feelings quite clear on this subject. I don't get the appeal. She is in EVERY. SINGLE. ISSUE. of my People magazine. Every one. She's famous for being pregnant, I guess. But I don't get it.

10) Tanning: probably because I, well, don't. Tan that is. I don't tan (literally, my skin doesn't tan). Therefore, I don't "get" tanning. Especially those who tan in the middle of winter. It's been snowing and 24-degrees for 3 weeks and Suzy Tansalot is walking around Target looking like she got lost at sea for 3 months with no sunscreen. I don't get why you'd want to be tan in the winter. I guess I can understand summertime....but I also am looking forward to having no wrinkles or skin cancer later in life. Being pale HAS to pay off sometime.

And that's all I have for you today, though my list goes on. Please understand any views reflected in this post are my own. It does not mean I don't like you for partaking in something I don't "get" just letting you know my own thoughts. Please don't take offense, as I probably would enjoy your reasoning for "getting" it. That is my disclaimer. Have a nice day!


Emily said...

1)You know my rule: If it makes me sweat, I don't do it.
2)Colin, too, hates soccer and always says our kids will not play. Ever. I say they can play if they want to.
3)I won't tell you how much time I've spent in the tanning bed (in the college years). My theory has always been fat looks better tan.
4) If you can count it as a serving of fruit, it is not dessert. Period, end of sentence. That even goes for strawberry cheesecake. Come on people.

Dana said...

Okay, Jessica, I can't believe THIS is the post that has taken me from lurker to commenter, but somehow I must defend soccer!

Soccer is a great 1st sport for your kid because it doesn't have a lot of tough rules. And once you see how much your kid loves it, and if he/she has ANY manner of success at it, you become the psycho soccer mom! You actually sit around on freezing mornings such as today just hoping it warms up enough that they don't cancel your son's 12:00 game.

But I do have to agree with you on fruity desserts. Mary is fruity, I am chocolatey. I don't get her.

Julia said...

Oh, let your kids play baseball! They'll make Aunt Julia proud!

I can't even comment on Jessica Alba. I'll just make myself angry.

Aubrey said...

I knew I liked you...I actually agree with 100% of the things on this post!! I really don't get any of those things!