Wednesday, August 13, 2008

So, it's one of those days when things catch up with me

Last year around this time my traveling season was well under way. One week in particular was extremely difficult...I believe I flew from OK to Pittsburgh to L.A. to Sacramento in a span of 5 days and I can vividly remember feeling like I could not even get on the plane to fly back home. It was just too much.

But, as always I made it through and went on to travel on many more trips that year, learning travel tips and seeing new cities all along the way. It is natural, with the way my client does annual planning, that the early part of the year is generally Oklahoma-based. But beginning in July of each year, it is certain that I will live in the airport and various hotels.

I wish now I'd kept track of where all I've been and how many hotels I've slept in. There are few major airlines that I have not flown on. I've mastered airport security, I pack a great carry-on suitcase and can even lift it myself in the overhead bin. I can read gate information faster than most, ride in a taxi like a pro. And I've learned a very valuable lesson the hard way about checking to make sure you get ALL your personal items off the plane (ahem, like an iPod).

But despite all this, I haven't figured out how to not feel completely, totally exhausted. For 8 weeks in a row I will be away from home at least one night a week. I'm in week 5 right now. 3 more to go, including a trip to West Virginia that will be three nights away from home guaranteed, and that's IF the flights are all on time. I will have 2 weeks of no travel (well, nothing planned YET) and then another 3 weeks of being gone at least two nights a week.

I am completely exhausted. I'm tired and the ironic thing about it all is that being gone so much and away from friends and family turns me into a hermit, a total homebody. The mere thought of being away from the house in the evenings makes me panicky. I hesitate to socialize, the thought of taking on extra responsibility terrifies me. I just want to curl up and sleep.

Today it has caught up with me. I have been in my current career position for over a year now (responsibility-wise, title-wise for a couple of months), so the work load is not unexpected. And it's not like I'm afraid I can't do it. I can do it. I'm just so tired. I wonder why waiting in an airport is so tiring?

So, I'm a little emotional today. Not in an airport, rather in the back of a car on my way back from Dallas. So, I just thought I'd whine a little bit here at my blog. Because I love to whine and feel sorry for myself.

It's at times like this that I think Jewel can be really helpful. Ok, so I'm being funny, but not really. I'm serious...I remember being 15 and thinking about how Jewel "got me". Like Claire Danes on "My So-Called Life" and Leonardo DiCaprio in everything. I felt like Jewel was someone I could sit and drink Clearly Canadian's with while wrapped in flannel and angst. She made sense to me.

In all seriousness, she sings a song called "My Hands" and the first verse goes like this:

If I could tell the world just one thing it would be: we're all ok.
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.
I won't be made useless, I won't be idle with despair.
I'll wrap myself around my faith, for the light the darkness most fears.

She totally gets me. No worries, just a little sleep (and maybe some time with my husband who I MISS) will bring me back!

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