Monday, May 04, 2009

What kind of mom am I?

The last 5 months have been so lifechanging for me, and sometimes I stand back and I take a look at my son, my home, my career, my LIFE and just shake my head at how it's all come together. How mature and responsible I feel. And how surprising that I feel mature and responsible...

There are many things about my life as a mom that don't surprise me at all. I'm not at all a germaphobe (some things get me, but in general I don't get bothered by much). I'm not easily rattled by cry fits or dirty diapers or even middle-of-the-night wake up calls. I'm accustomed to going out with Colt, because he's been doing that since his second day of life. In fact, my grandpa calls him "Greyhound" because he thinks Colt has more miles on him than a Greyhound Bus. Probably true. I've even pretty much accepted that my house is going to be messier, more cluttered, and laundry takes longer to do.

But one things that really surprises me about life as a mom is just how naturally it's coming to me. Oh, I don't mean I'm like the best mom ever and I'm an example all should follow. No, I mean that it truly feels like something I was born to do. I was afraid that I would get easily frustrated, have a short temper, get tired of a baby during my DVR time, be afraid to take him out, even have a rough time spending hours alone with him. I had prepared myself to ADOPT but I hadn't prepared myself to BE A PARENT.

But it turns out, I didn't need to worry. Oh, sure, everyone has their moments where it's just too much. But for the most part, I'm so much more patient than I ever realized. I am watching less and less TV and instead making faces or reading books or just laying down next to him to talk. I can read his cries (when there is crying, which is almost never). I have a running timeclock in my head for when he needs to eat or get medicine or change his diaper. I remember when we first brought him home I recorded a log of all those things and studied it religiously. Now, it's all in my head.

I FEEL like a mom. I even sometimes feel like a pretty good mom. No matter where he is or who has him, when he sees me it's an automatic smile. I guess that's the reward I look for, and I like to think that's his way of saying "we've got a good thing going - I love you".

I guess I'm just surprised how different I am, and how not-so-different I am at the same time. He's a part of my life, and it seems to be working.

That's all. I just love being Colt's mom.

4 comments:

Lori said...

just love this entry......

Mountain Girl said...

That is so sweet and it sounds like you are a GREAT mom to Colt! I love hearing about him and your experience as a mom.

Elizabeth said...

I think I'm germaphobe enough for both of our children.

Natalie said...

This is beautiful...

Touching...

Heartfelt...

It's amazing Jess - I can see your love for this little boy in your posts...

And you and John are doing a fab job!

xxx