Monday, May 11, 2009

THAT Day....and a new normal

So, there is this cake that my mom has made before. It's called a Better than Sex Cake. It's delicious and I believe it's even been served a time or two at church functions. Anyway, my grandma also makes this cake...except she refuses to say the name and calls it THAT cake. Ever since I found this out many years ago, I always laugh a little when I think about it and when things come across my path that I don't like to name I always call them "THAT (whatever)".

Mother's Day the last several years has been THAT Day for me. I am happy to report that no longer is it THAT day for me. It is Mother's Day. And yesterday was a fabulous first Mother's Day for me.

The last several years I've skipped Mother's Day service at church. They have all the mothers stand up during the sermon and clap for them, each mother gets a flower, there is Muffins for Moms gathering before Bible class, etc. For someone wanting to be a mom, it's incredibly difficult. I imagine for those who have lost a child, lost a mother, or have a bad relationship with their mother it's a difficult time as well and our ministers always do a great job of recognizing the pain in THAT Day for some in the congregation. But I have flat out skipped to avoid it the last few years.

Yesterday I was on the verge of tears all day, and not just because I woke up with a headache! But it was a great day, and fun to snuggle with Colt while standing to receive my flower. And then they sang both "Faithful Love" and "How Deep the Father's Love" and that just pushed me right over the edge.

And the gifts I received were great, too. Plaster molds of his handprints...priceless. I can't wait for yarn necklaces and fingerpainted cards as he gets older!

I've seen a lot of blogs that are recognizing those still waiting and those who had a hard day yesterday. I think you all know that I recognize that, remember, and hurt for you. And there's nothing I can say to make it better other than I did think about you all the entire day, and I promise when YOUR Mother's Day does come, it's better than you can even imagine. Hugs...

In other news, we received word today from Colt's birthmother, N, that her grandmother is in the hospital in OKC and very ill. She asked if we would be willing to take Colt up to see her, give her a chance to say goodbye.

It was funny how quickly I said yes and called John to arrange a time. And as I was driving, I thought about how abnormal that might seem to some people. But this is normal for us. We will rush to her side like we would any other family member. We care for her and hope she comes out of this illness (not contagious, it's more her body starting to shut down). N, her grandmother, her dad, her sister...they are an extension of our family. I can't think of anything more honorable or humbling than to be able to take our precious little boy to see them when they are hurting.

It's a new normal, OUR normal. Who knows where the relationship will go and how it will develop over the years...all I know is that right now I long for these kinds of opportunities. Maybe it's because I like showing Colt off, I like watching him make people smile. But mostly because they are forever a part of our history and our life, and every day includes them in some way or another. So, we'll see if the opportunity pans out and if she is well enough for visitors.

Great weekend all around. See below for pictures of our big FIRST this weekend: first haircut!


Anonymous said...

Love the haircut! He turned into such a little boy all of a sudden! B totally has a rattail too. :)

I wrote a post last Mother's Day called That Day too. I totally know what you mean.

Have a safe trip to see N. You're such a blessing to their family. And I know you feel blessed by them as well.

Lori said...

I completely understand what you mean about yesterday. It was the first time I made church on THAT day ( kinda like that, hehe) in three years.

I'm glad yours was better this year :-)

Infertility is Hard said...

Congrats on your first Mother's Day. I'm sure it was a wonderful day celebrating being Colt's Mom.

Thank you for thinking of us still waiting to be Mother's. As you know, it's such a HARD day. . . But it makes it easier knowing people are thinking of us and praying that we'll someday be mothers too. Your little boy is adorable. :-D

RB said...

I'm glad you had such a wonderful time on your first Mother's Day :) Thatnks for recognizing those of us who are still waiting. That really means a lot.

Have a safe trip visiting N. It's too bad it is under those circumstances though.

evawebdiva said...

Just wanted to share a little story with you. The CEO's secretary send out an email last week saying that there would be a Mother's Day drawing and if you are a mother, or step mother or a mother to be, you could email your name to get into the drawing. This was like a knife through my heart. I still can't believe they would be so insensitve. The email even specified all mothers "except mothers of pets." Aw...just kills me.

Promoting OK adoption said...

What a great post! I am so glad it was such a wonderful day for you and a day of thanks to God for what he's done in your family.

I love what you wrote about N and how you feel about her and her family. We are much like you in that we know other probably will never understand, but it's our priviledge to have a relationship with thier birth families.