Paparazzi

I have found the ultimate gift.

Imagine your favorite part of People magazine. And be honest...it's not the human interest stories. No, it's the Star Tracks. Your favorite part of US Weekly? The "stars, they're just like us" section. We all think it's sick, but we eat up paparazzi reporting.

I cannot think of anything better to do for myself than hire my own paparazzi!! And now I can!

For $250 I can get the "A-List Package" which would include 4 personal paparazzi following me for 30 minutes, shouting personal questions and snapping me getting in and out of my car.

But, really, I'm better than A-List. I would go for the "Megastar" package. Because for $1500 I can not only get 6 photographers following me around for 2 hours with personal questions, but I would also get my own personal publicist, limo service AND a bodyguard. Because that's what I really deserve.

So if you're going out with me anytime soon, don't be surprised to be bombarded by paparazzi. Maybe after a couple of hires, they'll realize I am a star and go all Lohan on me!