Monday, October 22, 2007

Bread and Water

I have decided what I am giving up in my weight-loss efforts: pre-meal bread. That means breadsticks, rolls, biscuits, croutons, anything of a carb nature that would come out before my meal.
This does not mean carbs as a whole, does not include potatoes. It does not include bread on sandwiches, though it does include the occasional hamburger bun. It doesn't mean pasta. But think of the calories I could save by skipping the pre-meal bread?! And, no, I can't just eat them during or after the meal. I will be avoiding all side dishes of bread.
But it still allows me sweets. I know, I know I'll have to give up my pre-meal brownies (more common than you might think) but it doesn't include post-meal brownies!
I've thought a lot about this, and some people may think "it can't be that big of an impact, she can't eat that much bread". Au contraire, my friend. It is a big deal, and it should have a big impact. Carbs are bad for you, very very bad. And while I can't go all out on Atkins (I'd waste away) I can cut back dramatically on my bread intake. So, now I will lament my decision through the always popular Top Ten list.

Top Ten Breads I will Miss the Most

10. Cheesecake Factory's variety of breads before the cheesecake...I mean dinner. But this one is ok, since there's always cheesecake waiting for me.

9. Hideaway Pizza's garlic cheese bread. If I could marry bread, this would be my third husband. After John and Cracker Barrel biscuits. I would consider polygamy if the bread would accept my proposal.

8. Johnny Carino's spicy Italian loaf of goodness. Is it MY fault that I'm not keeping count of the loaves? I mean, if they keep bringing me bread, is it a problem that I can't remember if I ate 3 or 4 entire loaves? Limit me, and I won't eat that much....but it's their own dang fault for indulging me.

7. Mackie McNear's (or Mickey McNasty's as we call it) entire bakery section. Except the cookies. And brownies. And I think there are strudels and cinnamon rolls that I could replace the Texas Toast, white, and wheat rolls with. If it has sugar on it, do I really have to count it as bread?

6. Ted's/Poblano's tortillas. Now, since tortilla's are flat, I don't normally count them as actual bread--I think you have to eat 4 or 5 or 12 of them to count for one slice of bread. So technically I should be able to eat up to 2 with no real effect. But I should probably cut them out all together, just in case.

5. Steak and Ale's pumpernickel bread, which also means I'm going to have to give up my pre-meal salad at Steak and Ale. You know, seeing as it is a salad with no lettuce--only croutons, cheese, and eggs. Croutons are under the bread category and I have to let them go.

4. Delta Cafe's rolls. I will especially not miss them when the butter is all melted and honey is dripping out all over the plate and then you can soak it up with the last bite of roll. Yeah, I hate that part.

3. Olive Garden breadsticks, ridiculous and terrible little whores of the bread community with their melty garlic salt on them and the way they soak up sauce in all the right ways.

2. Texas Roadhouse Rolls with creamy cinnamon butter and "awful" "greasy" melted butter on top that makes your fingers slippery and makes them literally melt in your mouth. Stupid rolls.

1. Cracker Barrel biscuits with their dirty, very bad flaky buttery goodness and their disgusting, sweet, cold apple butter. Very bad....very, very bad. I will not miss them the most. At all. Not in the least.

I feel very depressed now, and despite the Hideaway Pizza (not garlic cheese bread) I had for lunch I'm starting to drift into a bread coma. I love bread....but I can do this!

I will also continue to cut down on my French fry intake, which should help as well. When there are viable alternatives (i.e. something other than green) available I will choose them.

We'll see how it goes--wish me luck! And go eat some bread for know you want to!


Aubrey said...

That doesn't sound fun at all! The bread is the best part!!! I'd rather have that than my main dish. You're quite brave to hold out on the bread!

Melanie said...

Oh wow am I impressed with your will power! I don't think I could do the no pre-meal bread thing. THe worst part is that you are so hungry before your meal that it is so hard to resist. It doesn't help either when everyone else at the table is chowing down. Best of luck to you!

Emily said...

Well, you've lost your mind. You've just lost your complete mind. Who gives up the pre-meal brownie?

Pam said...

Can I just say you crack me up?!? What a way with words. I'll pray for John as I foresee major mood swings with no bread. Is there a 12 step program for carbaholics? If so, where do I sign up?

Elizabeth said...

Fabulous post. Wherever did you come up with such a great topic to write about?! hehe!

I would agree with most all of your choices except #6. What in all creation led you to the notion that tortillas are bread? Tortillas are one step away from the communion wafer. I would never give up communion, and I would NEVER give up tortillas. Just sayin'.

evawebdiva said...

Santa Fe Cattle Company was the best but they closed (not from the lack of roll buying on my part)Texas Roadhouse would be the hardest for me. Good Luck!