Owen's Eyes

This boy's eyes are so crystal clear. They are sometimes pale blue, sometimes very gray. They are beautiful with his fair skin and fair hair.

I hope they stay this way!

Baby Colt?

Colt's new favorite thing is to try out all of Owen's baby stuff. Whether it's "night-night" in the Moses basket, bouncing in the bouncy seat, crawling in his infant car seat, getting stuck in the Bumbo, or getting stuck in the exersaucer he likes to pretend he's a baby.

But the last picture will show that, sadly, he is not. He's a big, giant, grown-up boy. More than his Mama's heart can handle sometimes!

Remembering the Call that changed our life

It was a normal day, in fact I remember it being busy and harried and a little stressful. I'd renewed my driver's license that morning, and got a GREAT picture. I remember leaving the Tag Agency and thinking "the next picture on my license will be after I'm a mom". So weird the things you think of on days that change your life.

The client I work with had decided to sponsor a Regatta, a rowing event, and the first event of a long weekend of rowing was that evening. It was a Thursday, and at the office we were getting ready for everything. I was looking forward to the evening, my mom and her friend were joining me to watch the rowers and enjoy a beautiful cool, clear evening on the river.

It was a little after 4:00 that I was in my boss' office, talking about the evening events and my phone buzzed with a text message. 2 years later and one of the biggest regrets of getting an iPhone is that I had to give up the phone that had that text message. Anyway, the text came from a number I didn't recognize. It said "This is T from (Agency). Please call XOX-XXOX". And my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't breathe as I called John, who was at that exact moment calling me. He'd just checked his voicemail and T had called him.

We knew this was it. It just was, we knew. Our agency made a point to not call unless it was THE call or something very important, because they knew seeing their numbers would get adoptive parents very nervous. So...this was it. We decided John would call. I think we decided because T had actually called him and had just left me a message but looking back I'm SO glad he did because I think it showed N from the beginning what an involved and excited Dad he would make.

It seemed like HOURS before John called back, but really it had been about 5 minutes. He asked me if I was sitting down. We were going to have a baby. We'd been CHOSEN! A baby boy, due in December.

I wanted to tell our families in person, so I didn't immediately call my mom. I knew I was going to see her that night but I still wanted to be able to tell her, my stepdad and sister all together. So we went to the rowing event, my lips not uttering a word. I did tell them we should all meet up for dinner after the event, and everyone was available.

During the event, T finally called me back for more info that she couldn't share while N was on the phone. I stepped away from my mom and her friend for a really long time, and they eventually came to my car where I was still on the phone. I told them to wait, I was on the phone with my boss. My stomach was churning, my heart racing as all I wanted to do was scream "we've been CHOSEN" to all around.

A little while later we all met at Cracker Barrel and I could barely get through ordering before I finally said "well...we got a call today". And tears started streaming and my mom said "the call?", and I could only shake my head yes. Yes, we'd received THE CALL. The call that would change everything.

We headed to John's parents next, where his mom was already asleep and as his dad told her the baby was due on December 7th she sleepily asked "Pearl Harbor Day"? And it was later that everything would sink in for her. Then we headed to his sister's house, called my dad, and his other sister. Then headed home to lay in bed and dream. Really dream.

There's no way we could even dream of what was to come. The joy and the work and the overwhelming love that would follow that call. It was beyond our wildest imaginations.

October 2nd will always be the day I celebrate my life as a mom. We love you, Colton!

Testing from the road

Well since I'm on the road so much I figured I would try to be a better blogger and download an app. Let's see if it works! Headed to Panama City, FL today. Will write more once I arrive!
Testing, testing, 123...

Gotcha Day

My Dearest, Darling Colt,

One year ago today we stood in front of a very kind judge, and Daddy and I made a commitment (formally) to love you forever. We'd actually decided long before you were born to love you forever, but this day - it was official.

What a year it has been. You're walking, talking, learning, and growing. You welcomed a baby brother with open arms. You fill our ears with laughter and smother our lips in kisses. You teach us new things every day.

Our love for you is overwhelming. Sometimes it's so big I feel like I could burst. My never ending commitment to you is to love you, unconditionally, for as long as I live. To do my very best by you. To never forget the sacrifices made to bring me to you. To be at your games, your concerts, and ceremonies; to relearn algebra alongside you; to practice locker combinations and fight over cell phones; to take you to movies and stuff our faces with popcorn; to cut your crusts off; to dive for foul balls at baseball games; to take you to your first Sooner football game; to take college tours at any college you want (except U of Texas). I just commit to being your mom through good times and bad, and never ever taking for granted each day you're with me.

We love you, and we celebrate this day as yet another milestone in our journey as a family. You made us parents - thank you for being such an amazing son.

Love, Mommy

A healthier ME

I won't spend much time on this, I promise not to bore you. But I joined Weight Watchers this weekend (paid a month in advance and everything) and I am EXCITED!! The main reason? The Weigh Watcher iPhone app. Holy Cow, it's awesome. Recipes, easy points tracker, motivational tools....I'm addicted.

I'm also truly ready to make a change. I spent the month of August refraining from eating sweets (except for when I visited my great-grandparents because bonding over dessert is their thing, and who am I to say no to that?! I hadn't seen them in several years). And it showed me the willpower I am capable of possessing. I haven't seen a lot of change in the way my clothes fit or the my body (which means I'm not as addicted to sweets as I thought) but I do feel good about just saying no.

I have never even imagined the weight I'm at now. I keep thinking I don't look as big as pictures of me suggest I am. But I'm ready to fit into my clothes and feel good about it, I'm ready to exercise, and I'm ready to not be controlled by food.

Wish me luck. I really am serious about it this time, I have an exercise plan in place as well. I WANT to be successful and I have several friends in this with me so that helps. I'll be posting occasionally, but it's taking over my extra brainpower right now so I had to get it out there.

A healthier ME is coming!

Work-Life Balance?

I've been on 5 business trips since mid-July, with three major ones to come before October. The next three are big ones: to Cabo San Lucas, Panama City Beach, and Lake Tahoe. Excited to travel places I've never been...but it's never easy. And I'm already really tired and worn out.

I don't talk a lot about work here. I'm open with my identity, so I am careful about saying good or bad things about work. I work in public relations, I imagine most of you know the client I represent at my agency. But still I don't say much because I never know.

I LOVE my job and especially recently it's been a welcome challenge. Lots of responsibility and leadership has been awarded to me over the last several years and lately it seems to have exploded. It's interesting because after Colt was born I felt distant and unmotivated to work. Days were long and I struggled with finally having my son and not being able to be at home with him. I realize now a lot of that came from being pregnant, too. It did a number on my body!

Anyway, strangely enough since I came back to work from Owen's birth I've been full of energy and excitement. I've had multiple people comment on my energy and say how impressed they were. I miss my children terribly during the day AND especially when I travel, but I'm sure thankful for a job that challenges me, excites me, invests in me, is flexible with me.

What I've found is that, for the most part, the energy I get at work translates to energy with my kids. And it means I rarely want to have girls nights or date nights or weekends away if it means being away from those boys. I cherish every.single.second. So for right now, things are good. No, they are great. And I love my work, I love my relationships at home, I love the chaos. I'm happy.

I've pondered something for several months now, a little tiff I got in with a friend on Facebook. A tiff I, admittedly, invited myself into. I'm so glad now that I didn't write about it immediately, when my emotions were raw and my tempers were flaring. I've had a lot of time to consider her words and luckily I feel exactly the same as I did when they were fresh: but I'm much calmer and have found so much peace since then.

I long-ago promised myself I would not engage in Mommy-war style dialogue. I find it doesn't help anyone, and what I did was take a statement too personally and stepped right into the war I swore I would void. So I accept responsibility for the hurtful opinion she expressed. And I've learned my lesson: just like politics, stay away from mommy-war issues (even if they are mean and hurtful to me personally) especially on Facebook. It's a forum to report lunches or ask for prayers or share pictures of the kids. It's not place for bickering.

I am still FB friends with this person, no reason not to be. To not be would mean I found her words so painful or truthful that I couldn't face her; to not be would mean I didn't respect her and all she's done for me; to not be meant that it bothered me. And while I disagree with what she said, it does not bother me. I'm confident in myself, my relationships, my choices, and I'm confident my life is God-driven and he is answering prayer.

So...there it is. I am "one of those people" who loves her job, loves her husband, loves her kids, loves her family, and loves her friends. So it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, I Love my life.

And I realized, through all that pain an anger I was experiencing, that I don't need to be a perfect mom. I just need to be Colt and Owen's perfect mom. Their opinion is all that matters to me!

Three new posts below!!

Brothers

Well, despite these boys being together all the time, we don't get a lot of pictures of the two of them and when we do, they're not the best. Curse of a busy toddler, I suppose!

Colt is a-ma-zing with Owen. When Owen cries, he's right there to find his paci or give him a toy. He got new toys this weekend with Grandma, came home, and immediately took them to show Owen. He wakes up in the morning asking for him, and gives him goodnight kisses every night as he heads to bed.

Owen, for his part, is really starting to notice Colt and watch him. He laughs when he laughs or squeals or sings. Colt is such a show-off, I think Owen will be happy to let him steal the spotlight but he will be his favorite performer.

This whole brother thing has gone so much better than I ever expected. I was scared, worried, anxious of having two so close together and CONFESSION: I now wouldn't have it any other way. It is a BLAST!

Owen

What can I say about my littlest man? He is JOYFUL! So full of light and joy. Very laid-back. Definitely going to let his older brother hog the spotlight. He is mellow and snuggly. He just loves to make eye-contact and laugh. Likes being sung to, his Aunt Renee babysat him the other day and sang him to sleep.

He's quite a little eater. Slurping down baby food like it's going out of style. His favorite is carrots, which is funny since that's the ONLY kind Colt NEVER liked. He is going to figure out that crawling thing in no time, he's a master of rolling and sitting up. He blows raspberries all the time, especially when he gets excited right after eating. He has outgrown the swing, about to outgrow the Bumbo and the carseat. He's a GIANT.

I don't know how I ever lived life without him. When I'm away from him, I literally crave his chubby cheeks to bury my face in and give kisses. He's our happy, mellow, cuddly youngest baby!

Colt

I have vowed never to go two months without downloading pictures again! So much has happened. Colt is big on saying "cheese" now. He's missing one of his bottom front eye teeth, and I LOVE the little gap he has in his smile! There is a tiny glimmer of a tooth, it just hasn't made it's way in yet.

I have a few pics from DC on here. He was SUCH a great traveler and I loved every minute of traveling with him. No complaints here!

Below you'll see reading with friends, first time at a McD's PlayPlace, goofing around at home and building blocks with Dad.

This boy is SUCH a trip! We love his personality and the words that are flowing out of his mouth right now, his love of books and "Phinneas and Ferb", his hugs and kisses, his absolute adoration of his brother and sharing his toys and taking care of him...and even the every-so-often signs of sibling rivalry. He's just a joy every second!

Life is Happening

Life is happening. I can't stop it, it just happens and moves so quickly.

Owen...
Rolling over both ways
Getting very good at sitting up
Laughing like there's not tomorrow
Eating baby food
Teething (stink)
Growing out of clothes before the chance to wear them - safely in 9-12 month clothing now!
Sleeping in his crib, not his bouncy seat...'tis blissful
Drifting off at night around the same time as Colt
Outgrown his swing and CAR SEAT but we still keep trying
The most joyful, easy-going baby I've ever been around

Colt...
Talking up a storm
Learned "mine" and "no" in the same weekend
Can work an iPhone on his own
Has an iPhone (now an iPod) because we're SUCKERS
Picky about his cartoons
Back into singing all the time (love. it. Especially "Let's Go Fly a Kite")
Took his first plane ride last week
Loves reading Goodnight Moon
Saw the White House
Gives hugs without abandon

These boys light up my world. I've been so emotional lately for some reason, because I LOVE the ages they are right now. It is the most fun I've ever had, the most peaceful I've ever felt, and the love in my live threatens to overwhelm me.

I take time every day to reflect on these blessings. I wish I could capture every moment in a video or a photo. But instead, I just bask in the moment. Soak it in, knowing one day those memories will flood back into my mind and they will be all mine.

I have pictures from Colt's Big Trip with Mommy. I shall post soon, I promise. It was WONDERFUL to get him all to myself for a few days, he was more perfect than you'd probably believe.

More to come. I've been reminded by several people lately that I haven't been good at blogging. I will be. More on that to come.

Phone snapshots!

Colt has been "sick" the last two days and got Tuesday all day with mommy, and Wednesday all day with daddy. He went shopping and got frozen yogurt with mom. Daddy kept him busy with a social schedule: breakfast at McDonald's, visiting Mimi, Aunt Robin at their works, lunch with Papa, and then visiting Mommy at work. As you can see from the photos, he was working very hard at work, typing away and turning my computer mouse into a cell phone. Shouting demands and pounding away on the keyboard! Check out my little multi-tasker!

And just for fun. a couple of pictures from the past few weeks - Owen sitting up and Colt driving a tractor on 4th of July. And, yes, he drove it!

The What Ifs

One night a couple of months ago, I had just finished giving Colt a bath and had moved on to changing Owen's diaper and getting him into pajamas. Colt was with me in Owen's room while I changed Owen, pulling clothes and diapers out of the drawer for me. We laughed, he was being curious and silly.

When I'd taken him out of the bath that evening, I hadn't drained the water. I dried him off, escorted him to his room to get dressed, and he was by my side when we went to get Owen. It slipped my mind to go back in and drain the water.

He left Owen's room to start bringing me toys from the playroom. And I remember clearly hearing the bathroom door close. I laughed for a minute, knowing it would be mere second before his whining would start and he'd want out. And then I remembered. The water. The bathtub.

The bathroom is literally 3 feet from Owen's room so from the time the door shut to the time I opened the door it was no more than 7 seconds. But when I opened the door, he'd already fallen in, reaching for a toy, and was head down in the water.

My heart stopped. I grabbed him up and he shook with fear but had barely been in the water long enough to get wet. We changed him and he snuggled all night while I cried going over the "what ifs" in my head. It haunted me for weeks.

What if I hadn't been changing Owen's diaper and hadn't heard the bathroom door close? What if I'd played along and waited until I heard him knocking on the door to open it? What if I hadn't remembered in that moment that I'd forgotten to drain the water. What if I was 1 minute late?

You can bet I drain the water before he even gets out of the bathtub now. And eventually I had to stop torturing myself because I know that the what ifs don't matter, it's the what happened and what happened was he was fine.
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There was this freak accident with Owen this weekend and I've been throwing around what ifs ever since. I'll try to tell you about it, but it's hard to accurately describe it.

On Sunday Owen fussed ALL DAY. He cried and whined and fussed and never seemed to be content. He pulled his legs up and arched his back and cried like he was in pain all day. Eventually I realized I'd forgotten his morning dose of Zantac and I assumed it was reflux-related. But even after that, he still cried unless we were holding him on our shoulder and standing.

As I prepared him for bed and changed him into jammies, I happened to look down at his feet. To my horror, his "index" toe was dark purple and swollen to the size of his big toe. Upon further inspection, I realized something was wrapped around it.

Owen has small toes, and he scrunches them up very tight. It's gross, but I'm constantly picking fuzz and such out from between his toes all the time. Somehow a fuzz ball had gotten stuck between his toes (I assume from a sock that picked it up in the laundry?) and it had a long hair in the fuzz ball. That hair was wrapped so tightly around his tiny toe that it was slicing through and cutting off the circulation.

I yelled for John and it was an agonizing 5 minutes that we tried to unravel and eventually cut through the hair. Owen was screaming and I was crying as the what ifs started in. What if it's too late and he loses his toe? What if we cut him while getting it off?

As soon as his toe was free, he stopped fussing. It didn't take long for the color to turn pink and the swelling to recede. As he fell asleep in my arms I cried and cried thinking about how he'd been trying to tell me all day that he hurt. And WHAT IF I hadn't looked at his feet? He would have lost his toe. And a toe is pretty important.
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Both boys are fine, and what both taught me is that you can prepare and prepare to protect your kids and sometimes things just happen. You do have to be hyper-vigilant to keep the worst from happening but you can't always keep accidents from happening. And Owen...well, that taught me that you can't always prepare for what might happen. I have covers on our outlets, sterilize bottles, tighten and re-tighten car seats every time...but nothing ever prepared me to watch out for a stray hair cutting off circulation in a 4-month-old's toe.

The what ifs can extend a scary moment for a long time in parents. I'm grateful both boys are ok, and just praying I continue to have God guiding me in being their mom.