Wednesday, July 01, 2009


I have to tell you, I'm so very fortunate to have all 4 of my grandparents still living. I try not to take that for granted, I think of them often.

I'm particularly close to my mom's parents, mostly because they live closer and were the ones we spent more time with growing up. But to lose any of the four of my grandparents would be devastating.

Today we found out that Colt's birthgrandmother passed away. This was an incredibly kind, sensitive, loving, caring woman whom we had the pleasure of meeting several times. She not only helped raise N, Colt's birthmom, but she supported her through her pregnancy. She sat in on every meeting with our adoption agency. She drove N to the hospital numerous times during labor alarms. She held her hand as she gave birth to our precious son.

She kissed and held that boy while we drove to the hospital to meet him. She embraced us with open arms when we walked in the room. She comforted N as she spent time with Colt in that cold hospital room. She picked out many baby outfits and blankets for us to take home for him. She made sure to tell us about all of N and N's father's great qualities, obviously proud of the children and grandchildren she'd raised.

She walked with N across the hall to hand Colt into our arms when she checked out. She hugged us and assured us he would be a good boy for us. She kissed him, she loved us, she cried with us. And then she escorted her beloved granddaughter out of that hospital empty-handed and held her crying for months after we brought Colt home.

She laughed as he kicked and giggled when we visited her house in April. She listened intently to every detail of his growth and development, wanted to hear every story we could tell. She dug through her scrapbooks to find pictures of N as a baby for us to see and compare Colt to. And once again she kissed his sweet head goodbye as we left that day.

And my heart breaks that it was the last time he will ever see her. I mean literally breaks my heart.

She was THE support N has in her life. She was the glue that held that family together and they need lots of prayers during such a tremendous loss. I'm so thankful I have pictures of Colt and Grandma A together, because boy did she love him.

This adoption process, this welcoming of another family into yours has such effects that you can't prepare for. No one prepares you for how you'll feel when someone in your child's birthfamily passes away. I never thought about it. I never imagined how much it would hurt, how sad it would make me. I hope she knew how much we loved and appreciated her.


Elizabeth said...

She does, Jess. She knew that you loved her just as much as she loved Colt, and his mommy and daddy. She knew you appreciated her for the gift of Colt just as much as she appreciated you for the gift of raising Colt. Our prayers are with all of you.

RB said...

This is such sad news. I'm glad that she was able to support N through her pregnancy and to also be able to spend time with Colt.

Melba said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can imagine that it is really hard for you - it sounds like she was a true rock, both for N. and for other people she loved.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!


Julia said...

She knows. And, perhaps more importantly (at least in her mind, I'd venture a guess), Colt will know. Which is something she would've wanted and will be eternally grateful for. Because N sure picked a wonderful family to raise her son, and it just seems to me that everyone in this situation - in both of these families - is nothing if not extremely lucky to have met, especially under these circumstances.

I know she is resting well knowing that Colt is loved more than imaginable by so many people, and that he is being cared for by the only other two people in the world who can and will do just as good a job as her own granddaughter would have, if the timing had been right for her. Colt forever has a wonderful, beautiful soul watching over him. Every day that passes just continues to show how very lucky this incredibly special little boy is and will always be.

I love you and am thinking of you and N and everyone touched and blessed by your eternal bond.

Infertility is Hard said...

She sounded like a remarkable woman, and I'm so sorry for the pain that N must be feeling, as well as all of you. My thoughts are with your family.