Goals

I entered 2012 with a real feeling of clarity. For the first time in over 2 years, I feel like I can move past survival mode. The boys are growing up and older, and I no longer feel like life is dictated by their schedule. Well, I mean, we're still staunch sleep schedulers but I feel like I can see beyond diapers, bottles, naps, and meeting every need.

So, I thought this year would be all about the other parts of life I'd left behind. I joined a gym after thinking about it for a long time...truly committed in my mind. I pinned a ton of healthy recipes and snack ideas because this was the year we would stop eating so much fast food. I also took a trip to IKEA because I realized we wouldn't be moving anytime soon and it was time to put OUR stamp on this adorable house we live in. Not only did I purchase things for the top of my kitchen cabinets (long time unfinished project) but I bought enough frames for a gallery wall....which means I'm going to actually print and display some of the thousands of photos from the last three years! Finally, I purchased several accessories and cute clothes for the body I have now to feel better about myself as I work and eat for the body I want.

Guess what? I have a gym contract for 12 months and I've been 7 of the last 30 days. I've thrown out zucchini, broccoli, apples and several other things I bought for healthy eating because I didn't use them before they went bad. But the Magic Shell topping I bought for ice cream last week is already gone. My IKEA pile remains in a lovely pile in my bedroom. Pictures remain on the computer.

But, I'm caught up on my DVR...and I added "Downton Abbey" to my viewing list so I'm really making strides on adding MORE TV to my life .

What I'm realizing is that just because I'm not in survival mode, just because I feel like I have more energy and can appreciate beautiful things beyond just precious baby smiles and toddler milestones, doesn't mean I can do it all right away. I still have every intention of making this the year I find myself again, but I'm going to have to go in stages.

Last year the only thing I challenged myself to do was create a mom journal - a short daily planner where I wrote a few sentences each day about the "little things" I loved and wanted to remember. Not the big things...but our activities, the precious things the boys said as they discovered their vocabulary, even the rough times. Guess what? I completed that. 365 days of entries that I wrote each night. I didn't miss a day, and I loved it. I find myself thinking all day about what I'll write and remembering those little things. It's better than a blog, and I've kept it up all this year, too. Oh, the power of one small change...

Anyway, I'll keep you updated on when/if things change. I do know that I've got to do the gym thing because if nothing else, I'm paying for it. I also like it because it's MY thing. It's not something I do with a friend, or even with John. It's just my place. And I have convinced John to paint our room/bathroom at some point so house changes may take a while but there's a plan in place.

There's also the budgeting, saving money, and going to church/getting more involved thing that always weighs on my mind.

But I am a darn good mom, and I'm darn good at my job, and I keep a clean house. So I celebrate the things I'm good at...just seeing the potential for so much more!