The Return to Work

Well, yesterday I returned from my 8-week maternity leave back to the grindstone at work. I had been dreading it since the day the leave started. Not because I hate my job or my work, but because I hate leaving my babies.

I wrote here about all the things I wanted to do differently on my maternity leave this time. It was a lot easier for many reasons: knowing what to expect (generally) and not fearing a phone call from our agency were among the top reasons. Once I was physically recovered it was much easier to convince myself to get out, even for the littlest thing. I also did a fairly good job (if I do say so myself) of keeping the house picked up and laundry done and our general household operating smoothly.

And while doing all these things, I also worried less about "THE SCHEDULE" and didn't Babycenter the heck out of every little cry. I ENJOYED every second of snuggling with Owen because I knew I would never, ever get these 8 weeks back nor would I have another opportunity for such consistent one-on-one time. Even if I didn't have to work, I would have had Big Brother at home and Owen and I would have had far less bonding time. I am so, so grateful for the time with my second baby...I know few second children get that and I will always look back fondly on this.

Dropping off at daycare was far less traumatic than with Colt. I already knew the teachers and the schedule and the care Owen would receive. They LOVE his brother, I knew they would fall madly in love with him, too. Especially after we switched formula (AGAIN) and got his fussing settled down and made him a happier baby. I still dreaded the end of our time together, I dreaded the morning, I cried like a baby when handing him over to our beloved Mrs. V. But my heart didn't break as it did with Colt because I knew what a blessing this center is to our family.

So here I am, back at work. Trying to get into a routine, trying to balance the few precious hours I get with my 3 boys with being a great employee. All the more mindful of how blessed I am to work for a company and a boss that are flexible with me and the technology of smartphones and Wi-Fi and laptops...but admittedly struggling with jealousy for my friends that get all day every day with their babies. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but today I will embrace those ugly and depressing emotions and feelings. And after I embrace those feelings, I'll dial in to my conference call and count down hours til I head home to sloppy toddler kisses and baby smiles.