Monday, November 09, 2009

The strange things blogland can do to you

I feel compelled to write this morning, even though I only have a few moments.

In the last few months I've really started following and reading MckMama's blog, and more specifically her tweets. I have found her so refreshing and uplifting, honest and open...I just feel like she's so genuine and like I KNOW her. Everything I've heard from others that have met her would lead me to believe this is not just a feeling I get from her writing, but actually what she is like in real life.

Her son, Stellan, is only about 2 months older than Colt. And he is so, so sick. And today is an especially bad day and his heart has already stopped once this morning. A few weeks ago he also came very close to leaving with God, but pulled through and went home for a few days. During that hospital stay, MckMama posted photos of Stellan asleep in his hospital bed, cuddled in their arms, and talked about the things she and her husband were doing to stay calm and focus on their time with Stellan. I've been haunted ever since, and even thinking about the post brings tears to my eyes.

For the first time, I truly put myself and my baby in that situation. What if Stellan was Colt? What if those pictures were of Colt and we were in the hospital snuggling him through IV cords and wires and ventilators? What if we never knew whether or not each breath would be his last? I've been thinking about this and it's weighing heavily on my heart more and more.

I know I don't KNOW MckMama. I know that I can't play the "what if" game because when I go home tonight, other than a cough from allergies my son is perfectly healthy, happy, and safe. But it has caused me to hold him a little tighter (when he'll let me), kiss him more and more, tickle him for fits of giggles when I'm in a rush, let him crawl where he wants, play more peek-a-boo, and in general cherish the snores and sighs and even midnight cries over the monitor as I get my jealously guarded sleep at night.

Whatever happens to Stellan, I know that eventually it won't weigh so heavily on my heart. There will be times where I'm stressed and busy and Colt is grumpy and I won't think of Stellan as we're dealing with life. But right now, I think of him all the time. This baby I don't know, his mom I don't know...they're changing the way I view time and schedules and the way I love. So he has done more than he'll ever know to bless my family.

PLEASE keep them in your prayers, check in on her blog and tweets and follow their story, especially today since they need him to be stable for a life-saving, very risky surgery that he can't wait for. Please pray for his doctors, his parents, his 3 older siblings, and for that little 1-year-old to stay strong and hold on a little longer.

Then hug your kids.


Dara said...

I read her blog and always think the same thing too. It's the same way I thought about Abby on the Biggest Loser this season. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about what she went through and how I would ever live through it.

birthmothertalks said...

I read her blog often. I really hope her little boy pulls through this. It's so sad.

Audrey said...

I'm praying too! Unimaginable!