Friday, February 13, 2009

People Watching at it's Finest

I am breaking my two-week silence on this blog for a very good reason. One, I KNOW you all miss me. You're all tired of hearing blah blah adoption, blah blah baby...get back to randomness and useless information! I know, I know.

I think I'll keep Here's to Hope going for a while so this doesn't turn into a dreaded mommy blog or something. Not that I read any (128) of those or anything. MmmmmK....

ANYWAY, last night John and I went to eat at Chili's because we had a gift card (SCORE) and we're poor. And it provided the best opportunity for people watching I've ever experienced. EVER.

We all SAY we love people watching. "Oh, I love the state fair to people watch" and "nothing is more fun than a mall on black Friday to people watch" and "Blog stalking is an acceptable, anonymous form of people watching". But truly, last night, I understood people watching.

A lady we will affectionately refer to as Crazy Psycho Hosebeast (CPH for short) came in and was seated at the table next to us. The best way I can describe her is that she looked EXACTLY like LaFawnDuh in "Napoleon Dynamite". No lie. She ordered two drinks including a margarita, John and I hardly noticed. We assumed she was waiting for someone.

I guess I really noticed her first when she began licking the salt off the margarita glass like a dog laps up a discarded hot dog. Full on tongue out, licking the glass and turning it like an ice cream cone as she went.

Then the laughter began. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her physically laughing (you know, leaning forward in a full belly laugh, sitting back and twirling her hair in a flirtatious giggle) and hear it. Then John kept watching her. She was talking. Carrying on a conversation is more like it.

I immediately assumed she had a blue tooth in. On more than one occasion I have pinpointed someone as a CPH and it turns out they're just talking on a blue tooth. I imagine Nathan looks like that as he drives home from work since the Versa has blue tooth built in. ANYWAY....

She then finally placed her order as the waitress came by for the third time to ask for it. "We'll have the tacos" she said. It was then that I began to think maybe she was seeing someone that I couldn't.

Not long after the waitress left, she began arguing with someone. Actually, she began arguing with air. It was a full on, wagging her finger, shaking her head, elevated volume of speech "oh no you didn't" argument.

There was no one there. She was talking to no one. Air. Air that had it's own drink and was apparently splitting tacos with CPH.

And then the second margarita arrived, which I thought was fitting because nothing takes the edge off a difficult conversation like a second round of alcoholic beverages.

I don't know how it ended up because we left. It seemed CPH and Air had made up briefly when we left, as she flirtatiously giggled.

It was, in a word, awesome. Totally awesome and John and I laughed about it all night.

You never know when people watching will really pay off. If you try to hard and look for it you can be sorely disappointed. It's little gems like this that take you by surprise that really make you realize: there ARE people out there crazier than you are.


VickieLynnHomies said...

It's so hard to believe there was no bluetooth in, but I trust you. I'm sure that was fascinating.

When I was a hostess at Applebee's (I was a teenager at the time) a man came in and went straight to the bar. No big deal right? No, this man had a wig on and a dress. It wasn't flashy like a drag queen though. No make up either. Just a wig and a dress. What made it worse is he was completely silent. Just let every stare at him. It was so weird. Maybe he lost a bet or something. Who knows!

LacyGee said...

That is hilarious! Oh my goodness! That made my night! Thanks!

Elizabeth said...

Dang it! Why weren't we there?! That would have been awesome.

C to the OURTNEY said...

That is so funny! Your descriptive words really helped me feel like I was there watching CPH. LOL!

Aubrey said...

Too funny!! I always hesitate to laugh when I see totally outrageous things like that, thinking I am surely on a hidden camera show! Sounds like a fun and memorable night!

momof2monsters said...

I think you have just made my month with that blog. It was so funny I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts. I would have been laughing so hard at her. I would have paid anything to see that!

Nate and Nicki Robnett said...

Laugh Out Loud funny...that is awesome...glad I wasn't there, it's hard to keep that kind of laugh in! Really makes you wonder about people!

jenny said...

OMG! that is so funny! You should have said hello to "them" lol!

McMommy said...

Love it!!! Kinda wishing I knew the outcome of that Thank you so much for this post...I really needed the laugh today!! Hope you, John and the munchkin are all doing well!! Can't wait to see more pictures!!


KLTTX said...

Too funny!