Things have been going on. Things big enough to take my energy, my thoughts, my emotions for weeks now. It's various things relating to both our jobs. So unfortunately I can't really go into it here like I'd like to. Writing is so therapeutic to me, it's hard to not be able to type things out and even harder not to get your thoughts and suggestions on the situations. But I guess I'll continue to bore and drive my family and friends crazy.
The other thing sucking any other life out of me is infant sleep habits. Or the lack thereof. Owen is...not sleeping well. At least not consistently. I am actually a very tolerant, rational, patient person (it's all relative), but Sunday I hit my breaking point. By Monday morning I was in tears dropping him off at school and his teacher was rubbing my shoulder telling me we'd figure it out.
We've made small changes to his routine: putting him in bed earlier rather than letting him swing in the living room until John goes to bed, we swaddle his tummy and legs but leave his arms out, and daycare is working on making sure he gets good naps. Last couple of nights have been better and I hope it stays that way. He's still sleeping in the bouncy seat, still having two feedings between 8:30pm and 7:00am but we're getting there.
This weekend we're looking forward to swimming and fireworks and running around with fireflies. But for now, I'm signing off because "Toddlers and Tiaras" is on and it's my weekly dose of feeling better about myself by watching crazy people. Night!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Life is messy
After Colt was born, John and I would shake our heads in amazement at the adoption experience we'd gone through. So few bumps and bruises. I can remember this night very clearly. My heart races even re-reading that post. And I can also remember this day that happened at the peak of my exhaustion with a newborn. I know it was nothing compared to what his birthmother was going through, but it was terrifying and scary for us and it's all we knew at the time.
Then this day happened, then this day, and finally this amazing day! And our journey was complete. And John and I have a wonderful feeling about adoption, it's warm and fuzzy and we couldn't be happier with our experience. But I DO remember those days when Colt wasn't ours. I DO remember hoping he was our son, but knowing he wasn't yet.
When Owen was born, I noticed so many differences in the way I felt right away. Not in how I felt about Owen versus how I felt about Colt in those early hours and days. But how much more relaxed I was. How I could laugh and sleep and enjoy every second. With Colt, those first few weeks were a dream and he was wonderful...but every time the phone rang my heart would stop. I would stop breathing until I saw the caller ID of who was calling. As each court day came up, my stomach would churn. I loved him long before I met him, and I just had to pray that he would stay with us.
The past several months, I've been thinking of and praying for two families that are so dear to us. They are parents to beautiful, amazing children through adoption. Both families have very open adoptions, and are so close with their children's birthparents. I look to them as examples. Both families have again become waiting families with our agency. And both families have recently lost a placement.
My heart aches for them. They are strong and faithful and know that what truly matters is that those babies they lost are happy and healthy and with the RIGHT parents. Neither of these families have animosity or bitterness about their experience. They ache, oh how they ache, but they also know that the sunshine will come after the rain. And both are still in contact with the families that decided to raise their children. I am in awe of their attitude, in awe of their spirits, and in awe of what God is doing in their lives.
I highly encourage you to visit the Shockley's blog and the Satterfield's blog. They are families that have experienced the ups AND downs of adoption. They have a heart for children, and a heart for the first families out there that make such a difficult decision. I appreciate that they are so open about their experiences...it's important to know that adoption is NEVER easy. It's just not. It's an amazing process, but one filled with pain. Whether birth families or adoptive families...it can be messy. But isn't life messy? No matter how our children come into our lives, things are never how we plan. Life is always messy. These amazing families just find the strength and pray for the knowledge to get through it with grace.
We love you, Shockley's and Satterfield's. We're praying for you, your children, and the children you are blessed to know that stayed with their first families. God has big plans for your families!
Then this day happened, then this day, and finally this amazing day! And our journey was complete. And John and I have a wonderful feeling about adoption, it's warm and fuzzy and we couldn't be happier with our experience. But I DO remember those days when Colt wasn't ours. I DO remember hoping he was our son, but knowing he wasn't yet.
When Owen was born, I noticed so many differences in the way I felt right away. Not in how I felt about Owen versus how I felt about Colt in those early hours and days. But how much more relaxed I was. How I could laugh and sleep and enjoy every second. With Colt, those first few weeks were a dream and he was wonderful...but every time the phone rang my heart would stop. I would stop breathing until I saw the caller ID of who was calling. As each court day came up, my stomach would churn. I loved him long before I met him, and I just had to pray that he would stay with us.
The past several months, I've been thinking of and praying for two families that are so dear to us. They are parents to beautiful, amazing children through adoption. Both families have very open adoptions, and are so close with their children's birthparents. I look to them as examples. Both families have again become waiting families with our agency. And both families have recently lost a placement.
My heart aches for them. They are strong and faithful and know that what truly matters is that those babies they lost are happy and healthy and with the RIGHT parents. Neither of these families have animosity or bitterness about their experience. They ache, oh how they ache, but they also know that the sunshine will come after the rain. And both are still in contact with the families that decided to raise their children. I am in awe of their attitude, in awe of their spirits, and in awe of what God is doing in their lives.
I highly encourage you to visit the Shockley's blog and the Satterfield's blog. They are families that have experienced the ups AND downs of adoption. They have a heart for children, and a heart for the first families out there that make such a difficult decision. I appreciate that they are so open about their experiences...it's important to know that adoption is NEVER easy. It's just not. It's an amazing process, but one filled with pain. Whether birth families or adoptive families...it can be messy. But isn't life messy? No matter how our children come into our lives, things are never how we plan. Life is always messy. These amazing families just find the strength and pray for the knowledge to get through it with grace.
We love you, Shockley's and Satterfield's. We're praying for you, your children, and the children you are blessed to know that stayed with their first families. God has big plans for your families!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Marriage (the reflective anniversary edition)
Today is our 7th wedding anniversary. 7 years is so close to 10...and people who have been married for 10 years are just OLD, ya know?!
John is a great husband. He is a provider, he is responsible with our money, he carefully considers next steps for our family. He has given me two beautiful, amazing children. He parents them in a way that is full of love and strength. We have a cozy home, awesome friends, and a pretty good life. He cooks when there is cooking to be done. He fixes things around the house and cars.
Last week was a tough week for us for some personal reasons (not relating to marriage). It made me realize how often we get bogged down by little, everyday frustrations. In fact, when I look back over our married years and name the "biggest" fights we've had, almost all of them have been over small things. When it comes to money, jobs, children, we come out pretty strong. Those are not the things we fight over. Last week was a rotten week, but I was really proud of how we pulled together and supported each other 100%. We spent hours breaking down the issues and how we were going to face it. We encouraged each other. We didn't fight.
Each year I think about how I WANT to be a better wife, I WANT to try and curb my impatience and frustration. I want to build up, not tear down. Just like marriage, those desires are a daily decision. I will struggle for those goals every single day for the rest of my life. But there's no one I'd rather be fighting for than John.
A few years ago I saw the movie "Fireproof". And while it didn't win any Academy Awards, it sure holds a special place in my heart. It was an eye-opener. All those little, every day frustrations that we fight about - those are what add up to the BIG things. If we're not careful and determined, we could easily fall into a pattern of resentment. We could easily get caught up in miscommunication (or no communication) and lose this marriage. Lose US.
I have become more and more aware and concerned about the state of marriage in this country today. It's not political. It's simply looking at how easily we allow ourselves in and out of marriage. And the long-lasting effects that this attitude has on children born in those marriages. Whether or not you are religious, it is clear that marriage was designed as a COMMITMENT. It's a commitment to work through things when it's hard, to respect the person you choose, to be loyal to the person you choose, to carefully and prayerfully consider who this person will be. It's a commitment that should last the rest of your life. And, yes, there are times when this just can't happen...there are always exceptions, there always have been. But I live in a state that's in the Bible belt where marriages have a 50% failure rate...that is WAY more than just the exceptions, way more than the marriages that are toxic and unhealthy to all parties involved.
That, my friends, is a result of people taking marriage far too lightly.
So what do I do about it? I'm not sure. Still thinking and praying about what I can do. However, I know that I have to make a daily effort to keep my marriage alive and flourishing. Every exhausting day of my life spent working away from home for 8 hours, parenting 2 tiny children, keeping friendships alive, supporting our family, cleaning the house, managing insurance, paying bills, e-mail, praying...every exhausting day still requires me to put marriage first. It's a humbling realization, one that I often fail to do but refuse to give up.
I attended a funeral this weekend of a man I so greatly respect, admire, and love. He was like a grandparent to me. He was married for over 60 years to his bride, they are one of the classiest and most loving couples I've ever met. I am nowhere near having that kind of marriage! I hope to have all those years to get there. But among all the things this man imprinted on my heart, the greatest would have to be love of his family and of his bride. There is wisdom, peace, comfort in that.
Below is a song from the "Fireproof" soundtrack that I fell in love with the moment I heard it. It's really beautiful. Truly. I love the idea of praying for my marriage, praying that if either of us EVER wants out, that God will send angels to guard the door. Praying that He won't let us out. And I love the idea of praying that same prayer for my friends and family.
John, I love you. And I'm IN this. For good. Forever. I may not be the best at expressing it, I may be quick to anger at the worst times. I may complain, and I am more often selfish than not. But what you've given me, what we have together is my everything. You'll always be worth fighting for. Happy Anniversary!
John is a great husband. He is a provider, he is responsible with our money, he carefully considers next steps for our family. He has given me two beautiful, amazing children. He parents them in a way that is full of love and strength. We have a cozy home, awesome friends, and a pretty good life. He cooks when there is cooking to be done. He fixes things around the house and cars.
Last week was a tough week for us for some personal reasons (not relating to marriage). It made me realize how often we get bogged down by little, everyday frustrations. In fact, when I look back over our married years and name the "biggest" fights we've had, almost all of them have been over small things. When it comes to money, jobs, children, we come out pretty strong. Those are not the things we fight over. Last week was a rotten week, but I was really proud of how we pulled together and supported each other 100%. We spent hours breaking down the issues and how we were going to face it. We encouraged each other. We didn't fight.
Each year I think about how I WANT to be a better wife, I WANT to try and curb my impatience and frustration. I want to build up, not tear down. Just like marriage, those desires are a daily decision. I will struggle for those goals every single day for the rest of my life. But there's no one I'd rather be fighting for than John.
A few years ago I saw the movie "Fireproof". And while it didn't win any Academy Awards, it sure holds a special place in my heart. It was an eye-opener. All those little, every day frustrations that we fight about - those are what add up to the BIG things. If we're not careful and determined, we could easily fall into a pattern of resentment. We could easily get caught up in miscommunication (or no communication) and lose this marriage. Lose US.
I have become more and more aware and concerned about the state of marriage in this country today. It's not political. It's simply looking at how easily we allow ourselves in and out of marriage. And the long-lasting effects that this attitude has on children born in those marriages. Whether or not you are religious, it is clear that marriage was designed as a COMMITMENT. It's a commitment to work through things when it's hard, to respect the person you choose, to be loyal to the person you choose, to carefully and prayerfully consider who this person will be. It's a commitment that should last the rest of your life. And, yes, there are times when this just can't happen...there are always exceptions, there always have been. But I live in a state that's in the Bible belt where marriages have a 50% failure rate...that is WAY more than just the exceptions, way more than the marriages that are toxic and unhealthy to all parties involved.
That, my friends, is a result of people taking marriage far too lightly.
So what do I do about it? I'm not sure. Still thinking and praying about what I can do. However, I know that I have to make a daily effort to keep my marriage alive and flourishing. Every exhausting day of my life spent working away from home for 8 hours, parenting 2 tiny children, keeping friendships alive, supporting our family, cleaning the house, managing insurance, paying bills, e-mail, praying...every exhausting day still requires me to put marriage first. It's a humbling realization, one that I often fail to do but refuse to give up.
I attended a funeral this weekend of a man I so greatly respect, admire, and love. He was like a grandparent to me. He was married for over 60 years to his bride, they are one of the classiest and most loving couples I've ever met. I am nowhere near having that kind of marriage! I hope to have all those years to get there. But among all the things this man imprinted on my heart, the greatest would have to be love of his family and of his bride. There is wisdom, peace, comfort in that.
Below is a song from the "Fireproof" soundtrack that I fell in love with the moment I heard it. It's really beautiful. Truly. I love the idea of praying for my marriage, praying that if either of us EVER wants out, that God will send angels to guard the door. Praying that He won't let us out. And I love the idea of praying that same prayer for my friends and family.
John, I love you. And I'm IN this. For good. Forever. I may not be the best at expressing it, I may be quick to anger at the worst times. I may complain, and I am more often selfish than not. But what you've given me, what we have together is my everything. You'll always be worth fighting for. Happy Anniversary!
Friday, June 11, 2010
A Cardinals fan and the many faces of his brother
Owen is a smiling machine these days. A giggler, too. So fun! What makes him laugh? Pretty much ME! Smiling, kissing, talking, looking at him. He also likes the star friend on his play gym...just like his big brother did. He is a CHUB-BO!!
Notice Colt's shoes in the photos below. They also have STL on them...he was a full head-to-toe Cardinals fan that day!
Notice Colt's shoes in the photos below. They also have STL on them...he was a full head-to-toe Cardinals fan that day!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Brain Fried
My kids. Sick. A lot.
Owen on his third antibiotic to treat his third ear infection in 3 weeks. 333. It's the new 666.
Will typing 666 bring a lot of crazies to my blog? Here goes nothing.
Colt just got done with his second bout of strep in the last 2 months. He was sick as a dog last weekend, all weekend. Which meant a second weekend in a row of NONSTOP PHINEAS AND FERB. Do your kids watch "Phineas and Ferb"? It is skewed a little older (in fact it's shown in the evenings on Disney near Hannah Montana). But John likes it. Yes, John likes the theme song and it technically is a pretty funny show so HE started watching it. And then Colt got into it. And so we traveled for Memorial Day weekend and he watched lots of episodes in the car. And then he was so sick and just wanted to cuddle and veg so we let him watch all the DVR'd versions we had. Over and over. And I'm so SICK of Phineas and Ferb and their annoying sister Candace's voice. Where's my sweet Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?!
This has also turned my darling 17-month-old into a total TV head. He now walks in the door and hands us the TV remote and smiles very big and says "peas peas" while signing please in sign language. My exhaustion from 3 urgent care trips, 2 pediatrician trips, and 5 trips to the pharmacy in 3 weeks leave me vulnerable. Vulnerable as a complete and total pushover.
"Aw...you asked nicely and used your manners. Please zone out for 30 minutes and fry your brain sweet boy!"
So...soon we're staging a toddler intervention. But maybe tomorrow. I'm too tired tonight. But I get a date night alone with my husband, unlimited rolls with cinnamon butter, and steak tonight. Heaven.
Sometime soon I'll tell the tale of my tailbone. It's a tale that needs to be told. If anyone has suggestions other then chiropractors for how to fix a painful tailbone after childbirth please share.
Checking out.
Owen on his third antibiotic to treat his third ear infection in 3 weeks. 333. It's the new 666.
Will typing 666 bring a lot of crazies to my blog? Here goes nothing.
Colt just got done with his second bout of strep in the last 2 months. He was sick as a dog last weekend, all weekend. Which meant a second weekend in a row of NONSTOP PHINEAS AND FERB. Do your kids watch "Phineas and Ferb"? It is skewed a little older (in fact it's shown in the evenings on Disney near Hannah Montana). But John likes it. Yes, John likes the theme song and it technically is a pretty funny show so HE started watching it. And then Colt got into it. And so we traveled for Memorial Day weekend and he watched lots of episodes in the car. And then he was so sick and just wanted to cuddle and veg so we let him watch all the DVR'd versions we had. Over and over. And I'm so SICK of Phineas and Ferb and their annoying sister Candace's voice. Where's my sweet Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?!
This has also turned my darling 17-month-old into a total TV head. He now walks in the door and hands us the TV remote and smiles very big and says "peas peas" while signing please in sign language. My exhaustion from 3 urgent care trips, 2 pediatrician trips, and 5 trips to the pharmacy in 3 weeks leave me vulnerable. Vulnerable as a complete and total pushover.
"Aw...you asked nicely and used your manners. Please zone out for 30 minutes and fry your brain sweet boy!"
So...soon we're staging a toddler intervention. But maybe tomorrow. I'm too tired tonight. But I get a date night alone with my husband, unlimited rolls with cinnamon butter, and steak tonight. Heaven.
Sometime soon I'll tell the tale of my tailbone. It's a tale that needs to be told. If anyone has suggestions other then chiropractors for how to fix a painful tailbone after childbirth please share.
Checking out.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Rewind!
So, um, yeah...it's been almost a month and that halfway boring/depressing post has been up! I promise I'm not THAT upset about ever being pregnant again! Ok, maybe I would be, but I just haven't posted for many other reasons.
Busy, busy, busy. So let me bring you back up to speed (hello bullet points!)...
Busy, busy, busy. So let me bring you back up to speed (hello bullet points!)...
- My dad was finally able to visit from Virginia and meet Owen. His trip was cut short by travel delays, but he spent some good time just hanging at the house with us. I appreciated him being willing to just hang out...he's kind of a go-getter and likes to be out doing things. Well, as you can imagine toddlers and infants make it hard to do too much! So we hung out, went to the neighborhood park, went out to lunch, and he did a lot of playing with Colt and holding Owen. Hopefully he can come again sooner rather than later.
- Mother's Day week was pretty awesome. John went above and beyond by making it all about me for a whole week. Each day he surprised me with a small gift: one day it was flowers, another was lunch t my favorite restaurant that he doesn't love, another day a gift card to my usual breakfast stop, cards every day from him and the boys. Loved it. Which was a pretty good thing considering the actual Mother's Day was pretty hectic and left little time for celebrating!
- I traveled to my first overnight business trip since Owen's birth. I really did ok, it was a busy couple of days and I didn't feel like I was missing too much. It was in Chicago so I had to fly to O'Hare which was really the worst part of the two days. Also, I texted back and forth to the traveling Ms. J as well and that helped a lot!
- We went to see Conan O'Brien's show when he came to Tulsa. This was by far the best night I've had in a LONG time. We went with our very best friends, and we took a girl's car and a boy's car for the 90-minute ride there and back. Do you know how much I needed that? We ate at a fabulous local restaurant I'd never been there that had amazing mac n cheese. We laughed so hard my stomach and cheeks hurt after the show (seriously, SO FUNNY). And on the way home we stopped at our favorite convenience store Quick Trip and got donuts. Then, the girl's car jammed to N*Sync the rest of the way home. I can assure you it was one of the best night's ever. (Sigh...I'm such an old lady mom now!)
- We had family pictures taken. It went about as well as taking pictures in 90% humidity in a park covered in red dirt with a toddler, infant, and hot-natured and annoyed husband could possible go! Actually, everyone was fine and we ended up with some great shots. I color-coordinated everyone to my necklace. So when I post the shots, make sure to notice, ok?
- With mixed emotions I watched the final episode of "LOST" a couple of weeks ago. To protect the not-so-innocent, I won't go into the disastrous night of the actual viewing. But I did have a wonderful time obsessing over the episode for the entire week after. Reading theories, bouncing off ideas with other people, watching interviews with the cast. Loved that show and the way it made me think about it and after almost 2 weeks since the airing I can declare I loved the ending and feel closure. Yes, I took it that seriously.
- Spent the weekend in Missouri with my grandparents and favorite aunt. The kids were PHENOMENAL. I mean, really, I have no complaints about them. They were just divine for being away from their home and toys and bed. Colt was as ornery as the day is long, but all in a good way. Owen ended up with a raging ear infection and very high fever so we spent our last morning in Missouri at Urgent Care...but he is much better now. The real highlight of the trip was the shopping. I decided to embrace the size I am now (as Clinton and Stacy on "What Not To Wear" would advise) instead of longing for pre-pregnancy size. That's a whole other post, but I will say I got quite a few jeans, shirts, underthings, and a bathing suit and my whole attitude this week has been changed. I feel SO much better about myself, which I'm hoping is translating to my family.
Friday, May 07, 2010
On the top of the list of "things I don't want to hear"
Yesterday afforded me several bizarre situations, and brought back some pretty strange feelings.
For reasons I won't go into here, I called my OBGYN yesterday with a question. And I chatted with the nurse about a few things and we came to the conclusion that I need to take some medication.
That's when it happened. She said THE THING that is top of my list of things I never want to hear on a sunny Thursday afternoon. She said:
"I need you to take a pregnancy test."
Now, logically I know this is because the meds she would be prescribing for me would not be good for a pregnancy so she had to make sure I wasn't pregnant. But for a few seconds, my life flashed before my eyes and my chest tightened.
What a telling few seconds that was. My good friend told me later that at least now I knew FOR SURE that I didn't want any more kids. Which made me sad. Not sad enough that I want more kids one day, but sad that after all we've been through, after all we've been blessed with, and after the pure joy of experiencing motherhood with my two precious boys...my heart told me I was done.
It's been SUCH a strange journey, getting to this point. I remember very clearly how it felt just a few years ago to hear women complain about surprise pregnancies or talk about how they didn't want more children than they already have. And how, as an infertile woman, that stung. Because at that point I would take any and as many children as I could. I couldn't fathom NOT wanting kids.
Then we had Colt and my heart was so content. Content with the blessing God had given us, never even thinking of asking for more. And yet, God had a plan to make sure Colt was a big brother. And even though it wasn't my plan, and I struggled with a long time coming to terms with it, He knew SO MUCH BETTER than me. And then my sweet Owen was born.
Most of you know how I feel about the Duggar family on the show 18 Kids and Counting. And part of me really admires their faith in God and his plan, but a bigger part of me feels like God expects us to be responsible for the future of our families. I have to believe that trusting God also means honoring him with forethought and planning and not getting in over our heads. To understand that we could never see the future to know what's coming so we must make plans to take care of who we've got. And that is why I believe in family planning, in birth control. I believe and have faith that if I'm supposed to have another child, NOTHING I do will stop me. But in the mean time, it would be irresponsible to plan for another child when I know it's not the best thing for our family.
And so there I was, stinging after she told me to take a pregnancy test. I quickly laughed it off and assured her I would be calling her back with a negative result. I took the test, it was negative as I suspected. And I feel 100% fine about it. It makes me sad that I'm 100% fine with it, but it also makes me grateful that my life as a mom is in such a place. I've come so far from those deep, dark days of infertility and I have two sons more perfect than I could have ever imagined.
---------------------
Last night after all this, John and I attended our nephew's band concert. It was his final one ever (he's not playing next year). We enjoyed the music and as we headed out shortly after it was over a woman stopped me. She looked vaguely familiar and over the crowd I heard her say our adoption agency's name. I looked at her son and at her, and the crowd noise washed away and we began talking.
She has an adorable 9-month-old son that came to them through our agency. She asked about Colt, and I told her about Owen. And while we were talking she mentioned they'd just found out her son's birthmother was pregnant again and due in July. I mentioned what a coincidence that was, and told her about N having her little girl about two weeks after Owen was born. I asked how she felt about his birthmother being pregnant, and what a strange feeling it is.
She asked me what it was like having two kids 14 months apart. I laughed and said it's gone much smoother than I imagined, and I was actually enjoying it but that I have A LOT of help. Then I asked if she thought they'd be adopting again. She looked at me confusingly and slowly said "well, we got the call last week about his birthmother...so we'll be adopting again in July".
OH!! Ok, that's why you even brought it up, I said. She wants you to adopt her new baby. Her eyes smiled and looked fearful at the same time...yes, she said, we certainly weren't expecting it but the baby will be a full sibling, how could we say no?! The birthmother and birthfather already have three kids, and don't feel they can parent another. The birthmother wanted this baby with it's brother if possible. They'll be right at 1 year apart.
My words about my experience parenting two at 14 months apart became all the more important. I assured her she could do it, I assured her it would be better than she could imagine. And growing up together, they would be SO close. She clearly has a lot of help (her son was being passed from cousin-to-cousin while we were talking), and I told her how important it would be in the early months.
I felt SO close to her in that moment for so many reasons. We shared the experience of infertility and being blessed by adoption. We shared the experience of open adoption and our children's birthmother's being pregnant so soon after their birth. We shared the experience of utter fear and wonderment at the thought of parenting two kids so close together. And it made me realize that you never know. You never know what God has in store for your family. You could be "done" having children, or "not ready" to have more but it's not always what you plan. This was her crazy version of a surprise pregnancy, and what a blessing it will be.
God was speaking to me through her, I know. After all the thoughts that had gone through my head earlier that day...this was His way of reminding me that He's in control. "Don't go off announcing you are done, Jessica, because YOU don't know. Only I know."
So at the end of the day, I am set on being content (overjoyed) with my TWO precious boys. I don't want to have more children, we don't NEED to have more children. Our family is complete. But somewhere, deep down, I know that God's plans for OUR family have always turned out far greater than we could plan for. So I'll keep my heart open. I'll plan as a family of four, but my heart will always be open to whatever life may have in store.
For reasons I won't go into here, I called my OBGYN yesterday with a question. And I chatted with the nurse about a few things and we came to the conclusion that I need to take some medication.
That's when it happened. She said THE THING that is top of my list of things I never want to hear on a sunny Thursday afternoon. She said:
"I need you to take a pregnancy test."
Now, logically I know this is because the meds she would be prescribing for me would not be good for a pregnancy so she had to make sure I wasn't pregnant. But for a few seconds, my life flashed before my eyes and my chest tightened.
What a telling few seconds that was. My good friend told me later that at least now I knew FOR SURE that I didn't want any more kids. Which made me sad. Not sad enough that I want more kids one day, but sad that after all we've been through, after all we've been blessed with, and after the pure joy of experiencing motherhood with my two precious boys...my heart told me I was done.
It's been SUCH a strange journey, getting to this point. I remember very clearly how it felt just a few years ago to hear women complain about surprise pregnancies or talk about how they didn't want more children than they already have. And how, as an infertile woman, that stung. Because at that point I would take any and as many children as I could. I couldn't fathom NOT wanting kids.
Then we had Colt and my heart was so content. Content with the blessing God had given us, never even thinking of asking for more. And yet, God had a plan to make sure Colt was a big brother. And even though it wasn't my plan, and I struggled with a long time coming to terms with it, He knew SO MUCH BETTER than me. And then my sweet Owen was born.
Most of you know how I feel about the Duggar family on the show 18 Kids and Counting. And part of me really admires their faith in God and his plan, but a bigger part of me feels like God expects us to be responsible for the future of our families. I have to believe that trusting God also means honoring him with forethought and planning and not getting in over our heads. To understand that we could never see the future to know what's coming so we must make plans to take care of who we've got. And that is why I believe in family planning, in birth control. I believe and have faith that if I'm supposed to have another child, NOTHING I do will stop me. But in the mean time, it would be irresponsible to plan for another child when I know it's not the best thing for our family.
And so there I was, stinging after she told me to take a pregnancy test. I quickly laughed it off and assured her I would be calling her back with a negative result. I took the test, it was negative as I suspected. And I feel 100% fine about it. It makes me sad that I'm 100% fine with it, but it also makes me grateful that my life as a mom is in such a place. I've come so far from those deep, dark days of infertility and I have two sons more perfect than I could have ever imagined.
---------------------
Last night after all this, John and I attended our nephew's band concert. It was his final one ever (he's not playing next year). We enjoyed the music and as we headed out shortly after it was over a woman stopped me. She looked vaguely familiar and over the crowd I heard her say our adoption agency's name. I looked at her son and at her, and the crowd noise washed away and we began talking.
She has an adorable 9-month-old son that came to them through our agency. She asked about Colt, and I told her about Owen. And while we were talking she mentioned they'd just found out her son's birthmother was pregnant again and due in July. I mentioned what a coincidence that was, and told her about N having her little girl about two weeks after Owen was born. I asked how she felt about his birthmother being pregnant, and what a strange feeling it is.
She asked me what it was like having two kids 14 months apart. I laughed and said it's gone much smoother than I imagined, and I was actually enjoying it but that I have A LOT of help. Then I asked if she thought they'd be adopting again. She looked at me confusingly and slowly said "well, we got the call last week about his birthmother...so we'll be adopting again in July".
OH!! Ok, that's why you even brought it up, I said. She wants you to adopt her new baby. Her eyes smiled and looked fearful at the same time...yes, she said, we certainly weren't expecting it but the baby will be a full sibling, how could we say no?! The birthmother and birthfather already have three kids, and don't feel they can parent another. The birthmother wanted this baby with it's brother if possible. They'll be right at 1 year apart.
My words about my experience parenting two at 14 months apart became all the more important. I assured her she could do it, I assured her it would be better than she could imagine. And growing up together, they would be SO close. She clearly has a lot of help (her son was being passed from cousin-to-cousin while we were talking), and I told her how important it would be in the early months.
I felt SO close to her in that moment for so many reasons. We shared the experience of infertility and being blessed by adoption. We shared the experience of open adoption and our children's birthmother's being pregnant so soon after their birth. We shared the experience of utter fear and wonderment at the thought of parenting two kids so close together. And it made me realize that you never know. You never know what God has in store for your family. You could be "done" having children, or "not ready" to have more but it's not always what you plan. This was her crazy version of a surprise pregnancy, and what a blessing it will be.
God was speaking to me through her, I know. After all the thoughts that had gone through my head earlier that day...this was His way of reminding me that He's in control. "Don't go off announcing you are done, Jessica, because YOU don't know. Only I know."
So at the end of the day, I am set on being content (overjoyed) with my TWO precious boys. I don't want to have more children, we don't NEED to have more children. Our family is complete. But somewhere, deep down, I know that God's plans for OUR family have always turned out far greater than we could plan for. So I'll keep my heart open. I'll plan as a family of four, but my heart will always be open to whatever life may have in store.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Reflux
So this is not an exciting post, but I'm posting it anyway because it's pretty much my whole life right now.
Owen has horrible, horrible infant reflux issues. All the classic signs: lots of spit-up, a raspy cough, a hoarse cry, constant discomfort, eating small meals more often, not sleeping through the night even though at his weight and age he should be close, and screaming when laying flat. He has a hard time eating because as he's trying to swallow, it's coming back up.
We have done A LOT to try and help. Pretty much anything suggested we try. Including:
- We have been through 3 formulas including Enfamil AR (for acid reflux). We eventually went to Enfamil Gentlese because the AR built up in his tummy and caused HORRIBLE constipation.
- He is now on the max dose each day of baby Zantac.
- Mylecon drops because the reflux often causes gas to build up as he eats. He is gasping and taking in a lot of air as milk comes back up in the middle of a feeding.
- We switched bottles from Playtex Drop-Ins to Dr. Brown's.
- We're now warming up his bottles instead of room temperature water to ease the digestion and help him get sleepy at night.
- He's sleeping in his bouncy seat in his crib at night. Mattress on an incline just wasn't helping.
ALL this and we're STILL at a loss. He is actually a very content baby for all this mess. You'd think he'd be colicky or fussy but he's not. When he's uncomfortable or fussing, I know it's because he's truly in pain.
I am just so, so frustrated. There's no indication he's behind in development, but I worry. Tummy time is limited with all this stuff. Even laying in a play gym or on a blanket on his back is non-existent so I know he will be behind on rolling over. He smiles quite a bit now but it's just recently and it's definitely not as often as other babies his age. I wonder if it's the laid-back, observer personality I can already tell he has or if it's (gulp) that he's just so miserable. I ache to think he's in so much pain and discomfort that he's not happy.
We're going to keep at it, knowing he'll eventually grow out of it. He's definitely thriving and growing like crazy so I know there's not much more medically they will do.
This mama is frustrated and sad for her little one...any other suggestions are welcome!
Owen has horrible, horrible infant reflux issues. All the classic signs: lots of spit-up, a raspy cough, a hoarse cry, constant discomfort, eating small meals more often, not sleeping through the night even though at his weight and age he should be close, and screaming when laying flat. He has a hard time eating because as he's trying to swallow, it's coming back up.
We have done A LOT to try and help. Pretty much anything suggested we try. Including:
- We have been through 3 formulas including Enfamil AR (for acid reflux). We eventually went to Enfamil Gentlese because the AR built up in his tummy and caused HORRIBLE constipation.
- He is now on the max dose each day of baby Zantac.
- Mylecon drops because the reflux often causes gas to build up as he eats. He is gasping and taking in a lot of air as milk comes back up in the middle of a feeding.
- We switched bottles from Playtex Drop-Ins to Dr. Brown's.
- We're now warming up his bottles instead of room temperature water to ease the digestion and help him get sleepy at night.
- He's sleeping in his bouncy seat in his crib at night. Mattress on an incline just wasn't helping.
ALL this and we're STILL at a loss. He is actually a very content baby for all this mess. You'd think he'd be colicky or fussy but he's not. When he's uncomfortable or fussing, I know it's because he's truly in pain.
I am just so, so frustrated. There's no indication he's behind in development, but I worry. Tummy time is limited with all this stuff. Even laying in a play gym or on a blanket on his back is non-existent so I know he will be behind on rolling over. He smiles quite a bit now but it's just recently and it's definitely not as often as other babies his age. I wonder if it's the laid-back, observer personality I can already tell he has or if it's (gulp) that he's just so miserable. I ache to think he's in so much pain and discomfort that he's not happy.
We're going to keep at it, knowing he'll eventually grow out of it. He's definitely thriving and growing like crazy so I know there's not much more medically they will do.
This mama is frustrated and sad for her little one...any other suggestions are welcome!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Our life makes me smile
Don't the first two pictures melt your heart? Brothers sharing secrets, and Owen finally letting me get his smile on camera! Enjoy!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Land Run Day
As most of you know, I live in Oklahoma. Not The Pioneer Woman Oklahoma, but normal everyday city Oklahoma where we have a lot of things but a Crate and Barrel is not one of them. Love it, am very proud of it. And because many of you DON'T live here, I feel the need to tell you a memory that only a child born and raised in Oklahoma can share.
Today is Land Run Day. In case you didn't know, Oklahoma as a state began formally (albeit not officially) on April 22, 1889 with the Land Run. And we celebrate this as part of Oklahoma History. This is the day the lands of Oklahoma were opened up for pioneers to stake their claims in a massive run that established such great cities as Oklahoma City in a matter of hours.
'Round these parts, 4th grade is (was?) the year for Oklahoma History. Later in high school we had a semester of Oklahoma History as well, but in 4th grade you spent a year studying the vast amounts of Native American and land thief roots that brought this state to reality.
The pinnacle of 4th grade Oklahoma History was Land Run Day. This is what we spent all year working toward. 4th graders got to reenact the Land Run. We spent weeks with our assigned "families" building covered wagons after school out of Radio Flyers and chicken wire. Our moms made (or bought) bonnets and pioneer woman dresses. The boys wore their cowboy boots. And every single elementary school in Oklahoma roped off plots for claiming on their playgrounds each April 22nd morning.
Since every school did it, every child under 4th grade spent years waiting for their turn. And when it finally came, it was the BEST. DAY. EVER. We lined up, a whistle went off, and we took off for the best land plot. I remember getting close to what we wanted. Thought it wasn't fully shaded by the one shade tree on the playgound, it did have some shade and we enjoyed our day of snacking on our bagged lunches for the afternoon.
We built our covered wagon at my friend Amber's house. April 22nd is actually her birthday. All these years later and I can still remember her birth date because it's Land Run Day. And I remember wearing a blue pioneer dress that looked a lot like my American Girl doll, Kirsten's dress, with a pink bonnet just like her.
It was just a fun day. Maybe I'll find pictures. But now you can all be jealous that you did not grow up in Oklahoma during 4th grade. It was awesome, I assure you.
The Land Run also gave my great alma mater (University of Oklahoma) both it's mascot name (Sooners) AND it's fight song ("Boomer Sooner"). And if you just clicked on all those links, you really DO want to be an Okie like me!
Thanks for letting me remember this historic day!
Today is Land Run Day. In case you didn't know, Oklahoma as a state began formally (albeit not officially) on April 22, 1889 with the Land Run. And we celebrate this as part of Oklahoma History. This is the day the lands of Oklahoma were opened up for pioneers to stake their claims in a massive run that established such great cities as Oklahoma City in a matter of hours.
'Round these parts, 4th grade is (was?) the year for Oklahoma History. Later in high school we had a semester of Oklahoma History as well, but in 4th grade you spent a year studying the vast amounts of Native American and land thief roots that brought this state to reality.
The pinnacle of 4th grade Oklahoma History was Land Run Day. This is what we spent all year working toward. 4th graders got to reenact the Land Run. We spent weeks with our assigned "families" building covered wagons after school out of Radio Flyers and chicken wire. Our moms made (or bought) bonnets and pioneer woman dresses. The boys wore their cowboy boots. And every single elementary school in Oklahoma roped off plots for claiming on their playgrounds each April 22nd morning.
Since every school did it, every child under 4th grade spent years waiting for their turn. And when it finally came, it was the BEST. DAY. EVER. We lined up, a whistle went off, and we took off for the best land plot. I remember getting close to what we wanted. Thought it wasn't fully shaded by the one shade tree on the playgound, it did have some shade and we enjoyed our day of snacking on our bagged lunches for the afternoon.
We built our covered wagon at my friend Amber's house. April 22nd is actually her birthday. All these years later and I can still remember her birth date because it's Land Run Day. And I remember wearing a blue pioneer dress that looked a lot like my American Girl doll, Kirsten's dress, with a pink bonnet just like her.
It was just a fun day. Maybe I'll find pictures. But now you can all be jealous that you did not grow up in Oklahoma during 4th grade. It was awesome, I assure you.
The Land Run also gave my great alma mater (University of Oklahoma) both it's mascot name (Sooners) AND it's fight song ("Boomer Sooner"). And if you just clicked on all those links, you really DO want to be an Okie like me!
Thanks for letting me remember this historic day!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wow, like, a REAL blog post!
This week has gone surprisingly very well. One of the great benefits to having kids in daycare is that they have so much fun playing all day they sleep very well at night. Here I am after TWO nights in a row of both children sleeping soundly through the night. I'm not saying I'm getting used to it, rather just enjoying it when it happens.
Although, the downside is that when I wake up in the morning after uninterrupted sleep I immediately jump out of bed, run to Owen's room and check his breathing. I'll be glad when that panic goes away at about 9 months!
Another thing I've discovered: caffeine has a much larger effect on me than I ever realized. Or maybe ever wanted to admit. This week, kind of by accident, I stopped drinking caffeine after lunch. And, whaddya know, I feel asleep faster and slept REALLY good sleep each night. Now, maybe it has to do with going back to work but I like to think it's because I'm making healthier choices.
Speaking of healthier choices, I promise one day I'm going to start the 30-Day Shred. Promise. I just haven't found the time. Which is so not an excuse because I need to make the time. I have yet to fit into any of my pre-pregnancy clothes. So instead of buckling down and eating right and exercising, I just went and bought "transition clothes" to get me through. Sigh...what a waste of money when I have a closet full of adorable clothes in a size I'm proud to wear and wish I could wear again. I'll work on my stomach and butt, but if someone could please encourage my boobs to shrink back to their normal size (which is still too large for my taste) I would REALLY appreciate it.
I am pretty happy with how this week has gone. I've managed to keep up with laundry, keep the house picked up, given John some golf time, AND I'm only 2 shows behind on my DVR. Success, if I do say so myself.
Today I officially have a 2-month-old and a 16-month-old, and I absolutely love it. Owen had shots yesterday at his 2-month checkup and it was quite traumatizing. At Colt's 2-month appointment John went with me so I could avoid feeling so guilty. This time it's all me. Good news is that Owen is growing like a week, 12.8 pounds and 23 1/4 inches. He's grabbing, smiling a little, making eye contact, and has great neck control...other than that there's not much I can ask from him!
Word of warning: make sure you understand ALL the ins and outs of maternity leave and vacation with your company. Or you, too, could be out a paycheck. I did not truly grasp the situation at hand and ended up losing a chunk of my normal paycheck. We'll be fine (thanks Dave Ramsey and Emergency Fund), but still...starting a second child in daycare is NOT the time to be out any money!
Speaking of Dave Ramsey, we haven't been full-on Debt Snowballing yet, but we did use our tax money to pay off one of our cars, all the remaining medical bills, and stock our emergency fund. We still have a long way to go (another car, credit card with adoption expenses, and the house) but, you know, we're in a much better place now than a month ago! Gotta love it.
And you know my ongoing hatred for all things medical bills...well, we got one in the mail the other day that I had no problem paying. Writing a check to pay for my epidural was easily the happiest I've ever been giving my hard-earned money away. It also made me all the more grateful for my health insurance as it only cost me $160. Worth every. stinking. penny.
I've gone on long enough...have a great weekend! I'll be busy celebrating my first year of being 29, as my birthday is tomorrow!
Although, the downside is that when I wake up in the morning after uninterrupted sleep I immediately jump out of bed, run to Owen's room and check his breathing. I'll be glad when that panic goes away at about 9 months!
Another thing I've discovered: caffeine has a much larger effect on me than I ever realized. Or maybe ever wanted to admit. This week, kind of by accident, I stopped drinking caffeine after lunch. And, whaddya know, I feel asleep faster and slept REALLY good sleep each night. Now, maybe it has to do with going back to work but I like to think it's because I'm making healthier choices.
Speaking of healthier choices, I promise one day I'm going to start the 30-Day Shred. Promise. I just haven't found the time. Which is so not an excuse because I need to make the time. I have yet to fit into any of my pre-pregnancy clothes. So instead of buckling down and eating right and exercising, I just went and bought "transition clothes" to get me through. Sigh...what a waste of money when I have a closet full of adorable clothes in a size I'm proud to wear and wish I could wear again. I'll work on my stomach and butt, but if someone could please encourage my boobs to shrink back to their normal size (which is still too large for my taste) I would REALLY appreciate it.
I am pretty happy with how this week has gone. I've managed to keep up with laundry, keep the house picked up, given John some golf time, AND I'm only 2 shows behind on my DVR. Success, if I do say so myself.
Today I officially have a 2-month-old and a 16-month-old, and I absolutely love it. Owen had shots yesterday at his 2-month checkup and it was quite traumatizing. At Colt's 2-month appointment John went with me so I could avoid feeling so guilty. This time it's all me. Good news is that Owen is growing like a week, 12.8 pounds and 23 1/4 inches. He's grabbing, smiling a little, making eye contact, and has great neck control...other than that there's not much I can ask from him!
Word of warning: make sure you understand ALL the ins and outs of maternity leave and vacation with your company. Or you, too, could be out a paycheck. I did not truly grasp the situation at hand and ended up losing a chunk of my normal paycheck. We'll be fine (thanks Dave Ramsey and Emergency Fund), but still...starting a second child in daycare is NOT the time to be out any money!
Speaking of Dave Ramsey, we haven't been full-on Debt Snowballing yet, but we did use our tax money to pay off one of our cars, all the remaining medical bills, and stock our emergency fund. We still have a long way to go (another car, credit card with adoption expenses, and the house) but, you know, we're in a much better place now than a month ago! Gotta love it.
And you know my ongoing hatred for all things medical bills...well, we got one in the mail the other day that I had no problem paying. Writing a check to pay for my epidural was easily the happiest I've ever been giving my hard-earned money away. It also made me all the more grateful for my health insurance as it only cost me $160. Worth every. stinking. penny.
I've gone on long enough...have a great weekend! I'll be busy celebrating my first year of being 29, as my birthday is tomorrow!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Return to Work
Well, yesterday I returned from my 8-week maternity leave back to the grindstone at work. I had been dreading it since the day the leave started. Not because I hate my job or my work, but because I hate leaving my babies.
I wrote here about all the things I wanted to do differently on my maternity leave this time. It was a lot easier for many reasons: knowing what to expect (generally) and not fearing a phone call from our agency were among the top reasons. Once I was physically recovered it was much easier to convince myself to get out, even for the littlest thing. I also did a fairly good job (if I do say so myself) of keeping the house picked up and laundry done and our general household operating smoothly.
And while doing all these things, I also worried less about "THE SCHEDULE" and didn't Babycenter the heck out of every little cry. I ENJOYED every second of snuggling with Owen because I knew I would never, ever get these 8 weeks back nor would I have another opportunity for such consistent one-on-one time. Even if I didn't have to work, I would have had Big Brother at home and Owen and I would have had far less bonding time. I am so, so grateful for the time with my second baby...I know few second children get that and I will always look back fondly on this.
Dropping off at daycare was far less traumatic than with Colt. I already knew the teachers and the schedule and the care Owen would receive. They LOVE his brother, I knew they would fall madly in love with him, too. Especially after we switched formula (AGAIN) and got his fussing settled down and made him a happier baby. I still dreaded the end of our time together, I dreaded the morning, I cried like a baby when handing him over to our beloved Mrs. V. But my heart didn't break as it did with Colt because I knew what a blessing this center is to our family.
So here I am, back at work. Trying to get into a routine, trying to balance the few precious hours I get with my 3 boys with being a great employee. All the more mindful of how blessed I am to work for a company and a boss that are flexible with me and the technology of smartphones and Wi-Fi and laptops...but admittedly struggling with jealousy for my friends that get all day every day with their babies. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but today I will embrace those ugly and depressing emotions and feelings. And after I embrace those feelings, I'll dial in to my conference call and count down hours til I head home to sloppy toddler kisses and baby smiles.
I wrote here about all the things I wanted to do differently on my maternity leave this time. It was a lot easier for many reasons: knowing what to expect (generally) and not fearing a phone call from our agency were among the top reasons. Once I was physically recovered it was much easier to convince myself to get out, even for the littlest thing. I also did a fairly good job (if I do say so myself) of keeping the house picked up and laundry done and our general household operating smoothly.
And while doing all these things, I also worried less about "THE SCHEDULE" and didn't Babycenter the heck out of every little cry. I ENJOYED every second of snuggling with Owen because I knew I would never, ever get these 8 weeks back nor would I have another opportunity for such consistent one-on-one time. Even if I didn't have to work, I would have had Big Brother at home and Owen and I would have had far less bonding time. I am so, so grateful for the time with my second baby...I know few second children get that and I will always look back fondly on this.
Dropping off at daycare was far less traumatic than with Colt. I already knew the teachers and the schedule and the care Owen would receive. They LOVE his brother, I knew they would fall madly in love with him, too. Especially after we switched formula (AGAIN) and got his fussing settled down and made him a happier baby. I still dreaded the end of our time together, I dreaded the morning, I cried like a baby when handing him over to our beloved Mrs. V. But my heart didn't break as it did with Colt because I knew what a blessing this center is to our family.
So here I am, back at work. Trying to get into a routine, trying to balance the few precious hours I get with my 3 boys with being a great employee. All the more mindful of how blessed I am to work for a company and a boss that are flexible with me and the technology of smartphones and Wi-Fi and laptops...but admittedly struggling with jealousy for my friends that get all day every day with their babies. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but today I will embrace those ugly and depressing emotions and feelings. And after I embrace those feelings, I'll dial in to my conference call and count down hours til I head home to sloppy toddler kisses and baby smiles.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Easter Sunday 2010
FINALLY got some good ones of the boys together. The Easter Bunny was good to us!
The last few weeks
We've had a fun few weeks, with my grandparents and aunt visiting. They had a blast seeing the boys. My grandma held Owen for about 2 1/2 days straight! This is the perfect time, because pretty soon he'll either be too big or too mobile for long periods of snuggling! Colt, even though battling a nasty case of strep, was still a show-off. He especially loved his aunt Linda who played and played with him and always brings good toys!
We also had an impromptu playdate at Anna's house, where we realized both needed baths and now is an OK time for girl/boy bath sharing. In a few years it will NOT be ok, so we relished the photo op while we could!
Owen is getting huge. Next Monday starts his first day at daycare...to say I'm sad and nervous and depressed about it would be a gigantic understatement. I KNOW it will be ok, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. But I'm going to cross that bridge when I get there.
We also had an impromptu playdate at Anna's house, where we realized both needed baths and now is an OK time for girl/boy bath sharing. In a few years it will NOT be ok, so we relished the photo op while we could!
Owen is getting huge. Next Monday starts his first day at daycare...to say I'm sad and nervous and depressed about it would be a gigantic understatement. I KNOW it will be ok, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. But I'm going to cross that bridge when I get there.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Strep sucks
Owen is snoring soundly in his bouncy chair, so I thought I'd hop on and try to update!
We had a wonderful weekend with my grandparents and aunt in town. They got to meet Owen and Colt was able to show off some of his new tricks...including how he can be in a great mood even while very, very sick.
I managed to shell out $60 in doctor co-pays by making THREE separate trips to the doctor between Wednesday and Saturday. First, I'd finally had enough of watching Owen writhe in discomfort and cry all day long, so Wednesday I took him to the doctor to see what we could do about obvious reflux issues. A new formula and Rx for baby Zantac later and he's like a new child! I'm SO glad we went.
Thursday I got a call from school that Colt was running a high temperature. When I picked him up he was pathetic, clearly aching and sleepy. They ran tests for RSV, flu, and strep and ALL came back negative. Just a virus...so we headed to my mom's to visit with the family.
By Saturday it wasn't any better. He wasn't sleeping, and when he woke up that morning (screaming) he had 102.5 temp and had the feverish chills. I'm here to tell you there is nothing sadder than a toddler that is shaking with chills, burning up, grabbing onto your neck and still crying uncontrollably. Broke my heart so we headed into the Saturday clinic at the doctor's office. Well, the throat culture had come back positive for strep! Good thing we took him in or he would have spent all weekend untreated! After a round of antibiotics and lots of fluids he was back to himself by Saturday night.
So we're back to having two healthy kiddos, and in the meantime spent some much-needed time with family. My grandma held Owen for about 2 1/2 straight days. She LOVES babies and had been looking forward to cuddling with Owen. She'd snuggle all day with Colt, too, if he'd let her but, alas, he is MUCH too busy to be held by anybody! I was glad for both Owen and my grandma that they had that time to bond. I also got a little time away to go shopping with my aunt, and even got a few early birthday presents!
I go back to work in 2 weeks, but I'm refusing to acknowledge that. While normally I'd think "I ONLY have two weeks left" instead I'm thinking "Wow, I have TWO weeks!!". Going to take it easy this week and just cuddle with Owen as much as possible.
I wish I had more exciting updates to provide you! But things are happy and as peaceful as they can be. I always think of blog posts when I'm lying in bed or away from the computer but then I forget them by the time I get here. Hopefully I'll do better soon!
Off to watch some movies on Netflix, which now streams through our Wii console and it's AWESOME. There, that's your excitement!
We had a wonderful weekend with my grandparents and aunt in town. They got to meet Owen and Colt was able to show off some of his new tricks...including how he can be in a great mood even while very, very sick.
I managed to shell out $60 in doctor co-pays by making THREE separate trips to the doctor between Wednesday and Saturday. First, I'd finally had enough of watching Owen writhe in discomfort and cry all day long, so Wednesday I took him to the doctor to see what we could do about obvious reflux issues. A new formula and Rx for baby Zantac later and he's like a new child! I'm SO glad we went.
Thursday I got a call from school that Colt was running a high temperature. When I picked him up he was pathetic, clearly aching and sleepy. They ran tests for RSV, flu, and strep and ALL came back negative. Just a virus...so we headed to my mom's to visit with the family.
By Saturday it wasn't any better. He wasn't sleeping, and when he woke up that morning (screaming) he had 102.5 temp and had the feverish chills. I'm here to tell you there is nothing sadder than a toddler that is shaking with chills, burning up, grabbing onto your neck and still crying uncontrollably. Broke my heart so we headed into the Saturday clinic at the doctor's office. Well, the throat culture had come back positive for strep! Good thing we took him in or he would have spent all weekend untreated! After a round of antibiotics and lots of fluids he was back to himself by Saturday night.
So we're back to having two healthy kiddos, and in the meantime spent some much-needed time with family. My grandma held Owen for about 2 1/2 straight days. She LOVES babies and had been looking forward to cuddling with Owen. She'd snuggle all day with Colt, too, if he'd let her but, alas, he is MUCH too busy to be held by anybody! I was glad for both Owen and my grandma that they had that time to bond. I also got a little time away to go shopping with my aunt, and even got a few early birthday presents!
I go back to work in 2 weeks, but I'm refusing to acknowledge that. While normally I'd think "I ONLY have two weeks left" instead I'm thinking "Wow, I have TWO weeks!!". Going to take it easy this week and just cuddle with Owen as much as possible.
I wish I had more exciting updates to provide you! But things are happy and as peaceful as they can be. I always think of blog posts when I'm lying in bed or away from the computer but then I forget them by the time I get here. Hopefully I'll do better soon!
Off to watch some movies on Netflix, which now streams through our Wii console and it's AWESOME. There, that's your excitement!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
New pictures!
A few developments over the last few weeks:
Colt:
- Now likes to carry his blue blanket around the house with him in the mornings, looking like Linus from Peanuts.
- We were having a hard time getting him to eat for the longest time. Finally, we moved him out of the high chair and into the booster seat, and started giving him all food on a plate or in a bowl. He feels like SUCH a big boy, he eats every bite. He's also practicing with spoon/fork though we've got a loooooong way to go.
- He LOVES brushing his teeth (after mom or dad brush first, of course!)
-He downed almost a whole bowl of Tomato Florentine soup the other night at Zio's...that kid eats weird stuff!
- He cannot get enough of playing outside. It's a sad, sad day if the weather is not nice enough to run around the backyard!
Owen:
- He's becoming more and more alert, staying awake for longer periods of time.
- Still not sleeping through the night, but is at least consistent.
- Still a total cuddlebug, he would sleep for hours on my shoulder. I'm taking advantage of this now!
- His hair is getting more and more red. The boy is officially a red head.
- Still not sure how much he wants to eat, back and forth between 4-5 oz.
- I've gotten a few smiles...not sure if they are "real" but I'm hoping so! They're awfully cute!
- Finally is digging the swing!
And that's what's going on with the Anderson's!
Colt:
- Now likes to carry his blue blanket around the house with him in the mornings, looking like Linus from Peanuts.
- We were having a hard time getting him to eat for the longest time. Finally, we moved him out of the high chair and into the booster seat, and started giving him all food on a plate or in a bowl. He feels like SUCH a big boy, he eats every bite. He's also practicing with spoon/fork though we've got a loooooong way to go.
- He LOVES brushing his teeth (after mom or dad brush first, of course!)
-He downed almost a whole bowl of Tomato Florentine soup the other night at Zio's...that kid eats weird stuff!
- He cannot get enough of playing outside. It's a sad, sad day if the weather is not nice enough to run around the backyard!
Owen:
- He's becoming more and more alert, staying awake for longer periods of time.
- Still not sleeping through the night, but is at least consistent.
- Still a total cuddlebug, he would sleep for hours on my shoulder. I'm taking advantage of this now!
- His hair is getting more and more red. The boy is officially a red head.
- Still not sure how much he wants to eat, back and forth between 4-5 oz.
- I've gotten a few smiles...not sure if they are "real" but I'm hoping so! They're awfully cute!
- Finally is digging the swing!
And that's what's going on with the Anderson's!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Just some things I was thinking...
In lieu of original thought, here are some random things coming your way:
- I have an unhealthy sadness about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. I feel lied to...the entire awards season he supported her and she raved on and on about their love and relationship. She's fighting for custody of his daughter with him. She deserves so much better. It makes me very sad. (this is my celebrity obsession speaking)
- We took Colt to his 15-month appointment yesterday. He weighed over 28 pounds and was 32.5 inches long! He is BIG and thriving and happy and right on track. Since we were all there we snuck Owen on to the scales. Already 10 pounds!! He is going to be a BIG boy too! I am so proud my boys are thriving.
- I have been wildly productive this week, to the point that all the goals I had for maternity leave are complete except for the baby books. But other than pictures and the last few months of Colt's first year, I have both filled out! I think I'll be done by the time I go back to work. I've organized our closet, sorted, organized, and packed away Colt's clothes from the past year and they are ready for Owen to grow into, I've done marathon laundry wash, dry, fold, and put away sessions, cleaned our bedroom, kept the rest of the house clean, wrote and mailed all thank you cards, wrote letters and sent pictures to Colt's birthmom, and spent MOST of my time cuddling with Owen and catching up on DVR and Netflix. It has been successful and I still have 3 weeks to go!
- I don't want to go back to work. Already. That's all.
- Owen's sleeping habits still have little regularity and are not getting any longer at night. This is a great source of frustration. But I know it will pass. It's just frustrating.
- I was cleared by my OB/GYN this week. He asked me what birth control I wanted to use. I laughed. I haven't thought about birth control in over 4 years! I didn't even know what to say so he just prescribed me some pill. Hope it works!
- My grandparents and favorite aunt are coming next week and I could not be more excited. I can't wait for them to see all of Colt's new tricks and meet Owen...they are beyond excited too.
- I love texting.
- I had a dream last night involving the Kardashians fighting at my spa day. I don't like dreaming about the Kardashians.
- My March Madness bracket is already screwed and the first day of games is not even over yet.
That's all for now. More randomness to come very soon!
- I have an unhealthy sadness about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. I feel lied to...the entire awards season he supported her and she raved on and on about their love and relationship. She's fighting for custody of his daughter with him. She deserves so much better. It makes me very sad. (this is my celebrity obsession speaking)
- We took Colt to his 15-month appointment yesterday. He weighed over 28 pounds and was 32.5 inches long! He is BIG and thriving and happy and right on track. Since we were all there we snuck Owen on to the scales. Already 10 pounds!! He is going to be a BIG boy too! I am so proud my boys are thriving.
- I have been wildly productive this week, to the point that all the goals I had for maternity leave are complete except for the baby books. But other than pictures and the last few months of Colt's first year, I have both filled out! I think I'll be done by the time I go back to work. I've organized our closet, sorted, organized, and packed away Colt's clothes from the past year and they are ready for Owen to grow into, I've done marathon laundry wash, dry, fold, and put away sessions, cleaned our bedroom, kept the rest of the house clean, wrote and mailed all thank you cards, wrote letters and sent pictures to Colt's birthmom, and spent MOST of my time cuddling with Owen and catching up on DVR and Netflix. It has been successful and I still have 3 weeks to go!
- I don't want to go back to work. Already. That's all.
- Owen's sleeping habits still have little regularity and are not getting any longer at night. This is a great source of frustration. But I know it will pass. It's just frustrating.
- I was cleared by my OB/GYN this week. He asked me what birth control I wanted to use. I laughed. I haven't thought about birth control in over 4 years! I didn't even know what to say so he just prescribed me some pill. Hope it works!
- My grandparents and favorite aunt are coming next week and I could not be more excited. I can't wait for them to see all of Colt's new tricks and meet Owen...they are beyond excited too.
- I love texting.
- I had a dream last night involving the Kardashians fighting at my spa day. I don't like dreaming about the Kardashians.
- My March Madness bracket is already screwed and the first day of games is not even over yet.
That's all for now. More randomness to come very soon!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Owen is 1 month old!
My Darling Owen,
I can't even believe it, but you are 1 month old today! It's gone by so fast, it seems like you've been a part of our lives for so long.
You are growing like crazy. Just two weeks ago you were already up to 8 pounds! Starting today we're even moving into the BIG bottles and trying 5 oz at a time...you clearly feel like you can handle it! You're finally able to fit into a few 0-3 month size clothes, however your Newborn size sleepers are still the best and fit perfectly. I will be so sad when you can no longer wear them!
You're SO laid back and easy going, a total cuddler. I feel like your brother really helped me get my fears and worries about newborns out of the way and I am able to enjoy this stage much, much more. During my maternity leave we've mostly just stayed home, on the couch, cuddling. I LOVE THIS. I love doing nothing but holding you, listening to your snores, smelling your sweet formula breath, touching your soft hair, kissing your beautiful cheeks. You're a dream come true.
You're starting to be awake more during the day. Your eyes are dark in color but bright with life and curiosity. They have a sparkle to them, and I love to see them. You stare deep into my face and my eyes and I feel like I could drown in your stare. To watch you studying me, to watch you find peace in my smile and in my voice and my touch is the greatest blessing I have as your mom. It's something I heard about but until you and Colt were in my life I just couldn't understand.
You are NOISY! In a really cute way. You make noise all the time. Snoring, sighing, eating, breathing, stretching...everything you do has it's own little noise and those noises are the soundtrack for my day. Everyone that holds you, and I mean everyone, asks if you "talk" like that all the time...the answer is a resounding YES! You're going to have a lot to say as you grow up!
You're a very messy eater, but even that is starting to clear up. You're changing every day, looking more and more like yourself instead of a mini-version of me. You're getting used to the swaddle and it helps calm you at night. You're even taking the paci a little more each day, though it's still not your favorite.
Owen, I honestly didn't know what to expect when I found out you'd be joining us. I was so scared. Scared what your birth would do to our family dynamic. But, oh, how I didn't need to be scared. You've added so much to our family in just one month! Your brother is fascinated with you and every day he's growing to understand you and help take care of you. I LOVE watching him with you, and I go to bed at night dreaming of what your relationship will be like as the two of you grow up.
Life is getting a little more routine. We're figuring out how to go places all 4 of us, and yesterday we took you to church for the first time. I know we'll have our ups and downs over the next few months and years, but I am so, so thankful to have YOU along for the ride. I just can't believe how full my heart is. I love you with every fiber of my being. You've completed us!
Love,
Mommy
I can't even believe it, but you are 1 month old today! It's gone by so fast, it seems like you've been a part of our lives for so long.
You are growing like crazy. Just two weeks ago you were already up to 8 pounds! Starting today we're even moving into the BIG bottles and trying 5 oz at a time...you clearly feel like you can handle it! You're finally able to fit into a few 0-3 month size clothes, however your Newborn size sleepers are still the best and fit perfectly. I will be so sad when you can no longer wear them!
You're SO laid back and easy going, a total cuddler. I feel like your brother really helped me get my fears and worries about newborns out of the way and I am able to enjoy this stage much, much more. During my maternity leave we've mostly just stayed home, on the couch, cuddling. I LOVE THIS. I love doing nothing but holding you, listening to your snores, smelling your sweet formula breath, touching your soft hair, kissing your beautiful cheeks. You're a dream come true.
You're starting to be awake more during the day. Your eyes are dark in color but bright with life and curiosity. They have a sparkle to them, and I love to see them. You stare deep into my face and my eyes and I feel like I could drown in your stare. To watch you studying me, to watch you find peace in my smile and in my voice and my touch is the greatest blessing I have as your mom. It's something I heard about but until you and Colt were in my life I just couldn't understand.
You are NOISY! In a really cute way. You make noise all the time. Snoring, sighing, eating, breathing, stretching...everything you do has it's own little noise and those noises are the soundtrack for my day. Everyone that holds you, and I mean everyone, asks if you "talk" like that all the time...the answer is a resounding YES! You're going to have a lot to say as you grow up!
You're a very messy eater, but even that is starting to clear up. You're changing every day, looking more and more like yourself instead of a mini-version of me. You're getting used to the swaddle and it helps calm you at night. You're even taking the paci a little more each day, though it's still not your favorite.
Owen, I honestly didn't know what to expect when I found out you'd be joining us. I was so scared. Scared what your birth would do to our family dynamic. But, oh, how I didn't need to be scared. You've added so much to our family in just one month! Your brother is fascinated with you and every day he's growing to understand you and help take care of you. I LOVE watching him with you, and I go to bed at night dreaming of what your relationship will be like as the two of you grow up.
Life is getting a little more routine. We're figuring out how to go places all 4 of us, and yesterday we took you to church for the first time. I know we'll have our ups and downs over the next few months and years, but I am so, so thankful to have YOU along for the ride. I just can't believe how full my heart is. I love you with every fiber of my being. You've completed us!
Love,
Mommy
Monday, March 08, 2010
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