I can't really describe my feelings tonight. It's not the excitement of the night before my wedding. It's not like the night before the first day of school. Maybe not even quite like the night before Christmas...but maybe like the night before a big vacation or something.
In any case, it's a night of anticipation, of excitement, of anxiousness. Because tomorrow morning we take our family in our Sunday best to stand before a judge and pledge our lifelong devotion to Colton Thomas Alan Anderson and make official what we've believed and lived for almost a year now.
I can't wait. I am anxious and excited to get there, to stand up there. I'm worried I'll cry, I'm worried I won't cry. I'm worried Colt will be sleepy and fussy but I know the judge understands. I'm overwhelmed that almost every member of our family will be in the seats behind us, supporting us and loving Colt and quietly pledging their lifelong devotion to him as well. I'm thankful our wonderful attorney will be there to walk us through it.
What a culmination this will be. I never doubted this day would come, but I'm still ready for it to be here! I DO feel like a kid before Christmas morning. Laying out clothes, packing bags, making plans, charging camera batteries, ready to wake up and start the next chapter in our life where we're legally and officially a forever family.
I hope N is celebrating with us, not hurting at this final development. I know deep down she is happy that it is happening, she is proud of herself and Colt and of us and glad to see her family come together in this way. I'll be glad to send her pictures so she can see...we never backed down, we never wanted out, we will remain true to our commitment to her forever.
So, anyway, I guess I better get some sleep. To some it may seem cheesy, it's just a formality. But we do know we have an understanding judge who wants us to take pictures because he believes this is a momentous occasion. He wants us to celebrate, he wants our family there to be a part of it. This is closing a chapter on Colt's birth story and opening the chapter on his life story.
Colt is our testimony to love. So testifying tomorrow should be an outpouring of emotion for us. I can't wait.
Tune in soon for pics and a recap of the ceremony as well as our Gotcha Day party that night. Tomorrow is family and friends day and it's all about Colt...the most special day I can imagine!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Photography
I'm always up for free, beautiful photography! Would love to win a free photo session by Lesley.
If you live in the OKC area do me a favor and don't enter...increases my chances.
Kidding! (not really)
http://proctorspics.blogspot.com/
If you live in the OKC area do me a favor and don't enter...increases my chances.
Kidding! (not really)
http://proctorspics.blogspot.com/
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Colt at 8 months
So I never intended to take such a long break from blogging! Work has been so crazy that I don't have a lunch break to post, and (no lie) I've been going to bed every night between 7:00 and 8:00. I'm just that tired and worn out.
Our house has been a hotbed for sickness, Colt battling both tonsillitis and hand, foot and mouth disease in is little as two weeks. This has made him the grumpiest we've ever seen him, though we still enjoy excessive laughs and kisses! Add my physical exhaustion and overall icky feeling and you can tell John has his hands full.
Colt is now 8 months and 1 week old. I was just staring at him yesterday and realizing how crazy big he is. Especially his hands and feet. He's just grown into a little boy, not a baby anymore!
He's not crawling yet, though he's THIS close. I'm not sure he'll ever do much more than scooting as those chubby thighs make it hard to get up on all fours! You'll notice in the "fire chief" picture below, he sits with his ankles crossed. All the time!
Just in the last few days he has started greeting us after sleep and naps by being on his tummy in the crib, his head poked up over the side when he hears the door. He's also grabbing on to the bumpers for support and we know it's just a matter of days before we will need to lower his crib!
Still no teeth! We've loved missing the teething grumpiness, but really want the kid to eat steak one day so we're hoping for a tooth here or there soon...the gummy smiles are awfully cute in the meantime!
He says "dada" now, though it's more like babbling than really identifying Dada. "Dada, baba, gaga" are his favorites and I could listen to it all day.
I've mentioned the open mouth, sloppy, magical kisses he gives when we pucker for him, right? They are heavenly.
He is LOVING watching Faith, our cat. Any chance he sees her and he stops, reaches and laughs and laughs. She doesn't come close enough for him to grab her, but she sure loves to parade in front of him! It's fun to see him recognize and want things across a room.
He definitely is reaching for us, lifts his hands when we go to pick him up and dives for us when he's in other's arms. We're finding a little interest in TV like Blue's Clues, but nothing major. He does love to turn pages in books and to touch colorful pictures.
He is a master at picking up pieces of food or puffs now, we just need to get better at giving him the opportunity. Any time he sees Anna, whether at school or out, they both hold each other's hand and squeal and try to pull each other over. Anna also steals his toys, but whatev.
We took a trip to Missouri to visit my aunt and grandparents. He did well, but we can tell that long car trips are not his favorite. Everyone loved seeing him and he got spoiled rotten! We've also been going to the neighborhood park with baby swings and he adores that. He's bathing in the big boy tub and loves diving for bubbles.
He's outgrowing his clothes left and right. Loves to bounce. Started to dance and sway to music, which is funny because I think it's innate in kids. We haven't really taught him dancing he seems to have just picked up on it! It's beyond adorable.
So, there's your update on Colt. He's more fun every day, growing like a weed. Must start taking video of his babbles, his dances, his laughs, etc. And I'll attempt to be a better blogger soon.
On the pregnancy front, everything looks good, we heard the heartbeat again last week and scheduled our BIG ultrasound for September 22nd. The doctor says in about 2 more weeks or so I will regain the energy I've lost and I pray that's the case!
Our house has been a hotbed for sickness, Colt battling both tonsillitis and hand, foot and mouth disease in is little as two weeks. This has made him the grumpiest we've ever seen him, though we still enjoy excessive laughs and kisses! Add my physical exhaustion and overall icky feeling and you can tell John has his hands full.
Colt is now 8 months and 1 week old. I was just staring at him yesterday and realizing how crazy big he is. Especially his hands and feet. He's just grown into a little boy, not a baby anymore!
He's not crawling yet, though he's THIS close. I'm not sure he'll ever do much more than scooting as those chubby thighs make it hard to get up on all fours! You'll notice in the "fire chief" picture below, he sits with his ankles crossed. All the time!
Just in the last few days he has started greeting us after sleep and naps by being on his tummy in the crib, his head poked up over the side when he hears the door. He's also grabbing on to the bumpers for support and we know it's just a matter of days before we will need to lower his crib!
Still no teeth! We've loved missing the teething grumpiness, but really want the kid to eat steak one day so we're hoping for a tooth here or there soon...the gummy smiles are awfully cute in the meantime!
He says "dada" now, though it's more like babbling than really identifying Dada. "Dada, baba, gaga" are his favorites and I could listen to it all day.
I've mentioned the open mouth, sloppy, magical kisses he gives when we pucker for him, right? They are heavenly.
He is LOVING watching Faith, our cat. Any chance he sees her and he stops, reaches and laughs and laughs. She doesn't come close enough for him to grab her, but she sure loves to parade in front of him! It's fun to see him recognize and want things across a room.
He definitely is reaching for us, lifts his hands when we go to pick him up and dives for us when he's in other's arms. We're finding a little interest in TV like Blue's Clues, but nothing major. He does love to turn pages in books and to touch colorful pictures.
He is a master at picking up pieces of food or puffs now, we just need to get better at giving him the opportunity. Any time he sees Anna, whether at school or out, they both hold each other's hand and squeal and try to pull each other over. Anna also steals his toys, but whatev.
We took a trip to Missouri to visit my aunt and grandparents. He did well, but we can tell that long car trips are not his favorite. Everyone loved seeing him and he got spoiled rotten! We've also been going to the neighborhood park with baby swings and he adores that. He's bathing in the big boy tub and loves diving for bubbles.
He's outgrowing his clothes left and right. Loves to bounce. Started to dance and sway to music, which is funny because I think it's innate in kids. We haven't really taught him dancing he seems to have just picked up on it! It's beyond adorable.
So, there's your update on Colt. He's more fun every day, growing like a weed. Must start taking video of his babbles, his dances, his laughs, etc. And I'll attempt to be a better blogger soon.
On the pregnancy front, everything looks good, we heard the heartbeat again last week and scheduled our BIG ultrasound for September 22nd. The doctor says in about 2 more weeks or so I will regain the energy I've lost and I pray that's the case!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Stuck with us!
It's been an emotional week on many levels. I won't go into it all, because what happened earlier in the week doesn't matter and it's water under the bridge after the news we got today:
We have a court date!!!!
As of September 1st at 10:00 a.m., Colt will be stuck with us as parents FOREVER. I mean, he's been stuck with us in every emotional and physical way since the first phone call we got on October 2nd, 2008. But this will mean LEGALLY he will be ours. I can't wait to have that weight off our shoulders...to know that nothing will ever take him away from us (even though, the possibility of anything taking him away was so minute...still, it's a relief).
That means that we will be his parents in every way you can slice it. So when he's 13 and grounded for texting too many people...too bad! We're your parents and you're stuck with us!
When he turns 16 and he's too grounded to get his driver's license because he stayed out past curfew...too bad! We're your parents and you're stuck with us!
When he's 18 and tells us he wants to go to some college like Oklahoma State or the University of Texas and we refuse to pay for it because it's not OU? Too bad! We're your parents and you're stuck with us!
And all those moments before the teen years when he's having a blast at his birthday parties, when he skins his knee and needs band-aids and kisses, when he is too sick to get out of bed and needs his mom and dad to crawl in with him, when he hits a home run in Little League, when he learns to sing "Boomer Sooner", when he teaches his little brother or sister how to walk, when he tortures our cat Faith with love, when he stays up too late at sleepovers, when he gets his new bike from Santa, when he straps on his backpack for the first day of kindergarten, when he says memory verses in Bible School, and as he keeps giving wet, sloppy, open mouth kisses like he's doing now....well, he's stuck with us then too.
What a blessing God has allowed us to raise. Hopefully he'll be glad to be stuck with us forever...because our life just isn't complete without him!
**I have to take just a moment and thank our fabulous attorney, Rachel Stoddard Morris. She stepped in very quickly to take over our case and got this secured. She's fabulous, and one of the things I'll do as long as I can is talk about her, spread the good news, and get her name out there! She's a fabulous family attorney if you need anything and a very fast worker...she got our case Monday night!! Thanks Rachel!**
We have a court date!!!!
As of September 1st at 10:00 a.m., Colt will be stuck with us as parents FOREVER. I mean, he's been stuck with us in every emotional and physical way since the first phone call we got on October 2nd, 2008. But this will mean LEGALLY he will be ours. I can't wait to have that weight off our shoulders...to know that nothing will ever take him away from us (even though, the possibility of anything taking him away was so minute...still, it's a relief).
That means that we will be his parents in every way you can slice it. So when he's 13 and grounded for texting too many people...too bad! We're your parents and you're stuck with us!
When he turns 16 and he's too grounded to get his driver's license because he stayed out past curfew...too bad! We're your parents and you're stuck with us!
When he's 18 and tells us he wants to go to some college like Oklahoma State or the University of Texas and we refuse to pay for it because it's not OU? Too bad! We're your parents and you're stuck with us!
And all those moments before the teen years when he's having a blast at his birthday parties, when he skins his knee and needs band-aids and kisses, when he is too sick to get out of bed and needs his mom and dad to crawl in with him, when he hits a home run in Little League, when he learns to sing "Boomer Sooner", when he teaches his little brother or sister how to walk, when he tortures our cat Faith with love, when he stays up too late at sleepovers, when he gets his new bike from Santa, when he straps on his backpack for the first day of kindergarten, when he says memory verses in Bible School, and as he keeps giving wet, sloppy, open mouth kisses like he's doing now....well, he's stuck with us then too.
What a blessing God has allowed us to raise. Hopefully he'll be glad to be stuck with us forever...because our life just isn't complete without him!
**I have to take just a moment and thank our fabulous attorney, Rachel Stoddard Morris. She stepped in very quickly to take over our case and got this secured. She's fabulous, and one of the things I'll do as long as I can is talk about her, spread the good news, and get her name out there! She's a fabulous family attorney if you need anything and a very fast worker...she got our case Monday night!! Thanks Rachel!**
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
In Defense of Daycare
I don't know why I feel compelled to say this: but I LOVE Colt's daycare.
You guys know daycare is one of those age-old things in mommy world we use to judge each other on, along with breastfeeding, working or staying at home, TV, organic food, cloth diapers, extracurricular activities, etc., etc., etc.
However, I think daycare gets a bad rap for the most part.
First of all, there's the whole piece to the argument that for some people, it's the ONLY option. Single parents or low-income families may not have a choice in the matter, they must work outside the home and have to put their children in daycare. So, if for no other reason than to support those who do not have a choice, I think everyone should open their eyes and realize what a blessing daycare can be.
But there's a whole other side of the argument that for some, it's simply a great option for their family. We LOVE Colt's daycare. We love the things he learns there, the kids he gets to play with. He has consistently exceeded developmental milestones up to this point. He has done so well in Bible class and anywhere in public that we take him because he's used to being around other kids. He is showered with love by his teachers.
As a first-time parent, I have personally felt a great deal of support from daycare to help me know what to do next, to help me with ideas of how to get him well when he's sick, even something as simple as when to move to the next diaper size. Would I have figured that out on my own? Yes. But I see it as a fantastic benefit to our situation and having the teachers and directors there support us has made parenting much easier.
I do know that not every daycare situation is like that. There are horror stories out there, I know. But we did research to find the perfect place, we found a place with family that came highly recommended, we have friends who trust their children to the center's care as well and that helps to keep us grounded, too. So I know it's all about finding the RIGHT daycare.
I just wanted to stick up for daycare. For a lot of families it's not just a necessity, it's a true blessing and if one of us were to lose our jobs, we would give up a lot of other things before even considering giving up Colt's daycare. The stability, love, support, and development they are giving to our family is a much greater need than providing us with a babysitting service. I dare say I'd give up cable before giving up daycare. And that, my friends, is saying a lot.
You guys know daycare is one of those age-old things in mommy world we use to judge each other on, along with breastfeeding, working or staying at home, TV, organic food, cloth diapers, extracurricular activities, etc., etc., etc.
However, I think daycare gets a bad rap for the most part.
First of all, there's the whole piece to the argument that for some people, it's the ONLY option. Single parents or low-income families may not have a choice in the matter, they must work outside the home and have to put their children in daycare. So, if for no other reason than to support those who do not have a choice, I think everyone should open their eyes and realize what a blessing daycare can be.
But there's a whole other side of the argument that for some, it's simply a great option for their family. We LOVE Colt's daycare. We love the things he learns there, the kids he gets to play with. He has consistently exceeded developmental milestones up to this point. He has done so well in Bible class and anywhere in public that we take him because he's used to being around other kids. He is showered with love by his teachers.
As a first-time parent, I have personally felt a great deal of support from daycare to help me know what to do next, to help me with ideas of how to get him well when he's sick, even something as simple as when to move to the next diaper size. Would I have figured that out on my own? Yes. But I see it as a fantastic benefit to our situation and having the teachers and directors there support us has made parenting much easier.
I do know that not every daycare situation is like that. There are horror stories out there, I know. But we did research to find the perfect place, we found a place with family that came highly recommended, we have friends who trust their children to the center's care as well and that helps to keep us grounded, too. So I know it's all about finding the RIGHT daycare.
I just wanted to stick up for daycare. For a lot of families it's not just a necessity, it's a true blessing and if one of us were to lose our jobs, we would give up a lot of other things before even considering giving up Colt's daycare. The stability, love, support, and development they are giving to our family is a much greater need than providing us with a babysitting service. I dare say I'd give up cable before giving up daycare. And that, my friends, is saying a lot.
Monday, August 03, 2009
28
Sometimes, after spending hours on the phone dealing with health insurance claims, paying medical bill after medical bill, talking to various attorneys, and preparing to see negative balances in our savings account it occurs to me...being 28 can really suck sometimes.
Today is a "glass-half-empty" kind of day so I won't go into all the things that really rock about being 28. Today I'm just going to dwell on how much it sucks to be 28; to be an adult. I think we all need those days every now and then.
Today is a "glass-half-empty" kind of day so I won't go into all the things that really rock about being 28. Today I'm just going to dwell on how much it sucks to be 28; to be an adult. I think we all need those days every now and then.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Belated Thanks!
I am overwhelmed with all the support and well-wishes from the last post and Facebook announcements. It's been awesome, you guys have almost convinced me that we can survive having two kids 14 months apart!
Kidding, kidding...really, all the encouragement has been awesome. Isn't that why we put ourselves out there in blogland? Because, really, we all want are virtual hugs and kisses. Our families are so excited, which is good since they will have to practically take turns living with us for a while to get us through the newborn stage. Because I'll be honest...newborn is NOT my favorite stage. Sure, they're all fuzzy and warm and snuggly and smell good. But they cry a lot and are delicate and don't sleep at night.
Colt is at a perfect age. But I've pretty much said that since 3 months. It seriously just gets better and better! He's so much fun right now. And I've already started a VERY bad habit, the ONE AND ONLY bad habit I SWORE I'd never let happen...sleeping in our bed. Oh, geez, I can't believe I just admitted it. That's the first step, right?
It's just naps right now. And mostly it's because I love it and I need lots of naps right now. We come home from daycare and he needs a little nap so I'll crawl in bed with him and he goes right to sleep and it's the best cuddle time. And Saturdays...well, for the past few that's how we spend EVERY nap. I start to count down the minutes to when we can take naps because I love it so much.
But then...then on Sunday night/Monday morning he woke up at 5 a.m. crying and wouldn't stop. And so we did the unthinkable. We brought him into bed with us and he calmed down right away and went back to sleep. And my mom kept him last night and said he woke up at 3 a.m. crying and she put him in bed with her and he calmed right down and went to sleep. HE'S TRICKED US. HE DID IT...sneaky little bugger, he tricked us before we even realized it.
So, this is me...admitting it openly and taking back control. It is the ONE thing I don't want to happen. I don't want to give up nap time, because really I do need a lot of naps so why not take them together? But we will NOT start the middle of the night thing. No way, no how.
Also, he does this thing where he looks for us. He follows us as we walk out of the room and he leans over and turns his head...it is SO cute. I will have to video this sometime because there is no describing the cuteness.
-----------------
In other news, in case you're not on Facebook you missed the drama of yesterday where I thought I was dying. I woke up and thought I was finally getting hit with morning sickness. But it was so severe and there were...other symptoms I quickly realized this was more than morning sickness.
After trying in vain to get ahold of my OBGYN all day (Ha! Right! Try getting ahold of your OBGYN on a Monday!) I decided I had to go to the hospital. Normally I would have waited it out, but I have a MAJOR business trip in Chicago this week. FOUR days that I cannot miss. Like, seriously cannot miss. So John and I headed to the ER and as we were getting checked in and dreading the 2+ hour wait, my OBGYN's office called and told me to head straight to labor and delivery and they would take care of me there. Which they did!
Normally you have to be around 20 weeks but it must have been a slow day on the floor because they already had a room ready for me. They got me hooked up to an IV (which, of course, caused me to throw up because I am a weenie...giving birth is going to be awesome) and I received 2 bags of fluids plus awesome drugs to help with nausea and other symptoms.
I ached by the time I got home, drank some chicken soup and passed out. I woke up in time to pack and get to the airport this morning. Somehow I managed a flight and a 90-minute train ride and a meet-and-greet before settling in. Now I'm signing off before a day of meetings tomorrow. Fun times. Missing my baby like crazy...I bet I'd sleep a lot better if he were cuddled up next to me.
So bad.
Kidding, kidding...really, all the encouragement has been awesome. Isn't that why we put ourselves out there in blogland? Because, really, we all want are virtual hugs and kisses. Our families are so excited, which is good since they will have to practically take turns living with us for a while to get us through the newborn stage. Because I'll be honest...newborn is NOT my favorite stage. Sure, they're all fuzzy and warm and snuggly and smell good. But they cry a lot and are delicate and don't sleep at night.
Colt is at a perfect age. But I've pretty much said that since 3 months. It seriously just gets better and better! He's so much fun right now. And I've already started a VERY bad habit, the ONE AND ONLY bad habit I SWORE I'd never let happen...sleeping in our bed. Oh, geez, I can't believe I just admitted it. That's the first step, right?
It's just naps right now. And mostly it's because I love it and I need lots of naps right now. We come home from daycare and he needs a little nap so I'll crawl in bed with him and he goes right to sleep and it's the best cuddle time. And Saturdays...well, for the past few that's how we spend EVERY nap. I start to count down the minutes to when we can take naps because I love it so much.
But then...then on Sunday night/Monday morning he woke up at 5 a.m. crying and wouldn't stop. And so we did the unthinkable. We brought him into bed with us and he calmed down right away and went back to sleep. And my mom kept him last night and said he woke up at 3 a.m. crying and she put him in bed with her and he calmed right down and went to sleep. HE'S TRICKED US. HE DID IT...sneaky little bugger, he tricked us before we even realized it.
So, this is me...admitting it openly and taking back control. It is the ONE thing I don't want to happen. I don't want to give up nap time, because really I do need a lot of naps so why not take them together? But we will NOT start the middle of the night thing. No way, no how.
Also, he does this thing where he looks for us. He follows us as we walk out of the room and he leans over and turns his head...it is SO cute. I will have to video this sometime because there is no describing the cuteness.
-----------------
In other news, in case you're not on Facebook you missed the drama of yesterday where I thought I was dying. I woke up and thought I was finally getting hit with morning sickness. But it was so severe and there were...other symptoms I quickly realized this was more than morning sickness.
After trying in vain to get ahold of my OBGYN all day (Ha! Right! Try getting ahold of your OBGYN on a Monday!) I decided I had to go to the hospital. Normally I would have waited it out, but I have a MAJOR business trip in Chicago this week. FOUR days that I cannot miss. Like, seriously cannot miss. So John and I headed to the ER and as we were getting checked in and dreading the 2+ hour wait, my OBGYN's office called and told me to head straight to labor and delivery and they would take care of me there. Which they did!
Normally you have to be around 20 weeks but it must have been a slow day on the floor because they already had a room ready for me. They got me hooked up to an IV (which, of course, caused me to throw up because I am a weenie...giving birth is going to be awesome) and I received 2 bags of fluids plus awesome drugs to help with nausea and other symptoms.
I ached by the time I got home, drank some chicken soup and passed out. I woke up in time to pack and get to the airport this morning. Somehow I managed a flight and a 90-minute train ride and a meet-and-greet before settling in. Now I'm signing off before a day of meetings tomorrow. Fun times. Missing my baby like crazy...I bet I'd sleep a lot better if he were cuddled up next to me.
So bad.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Unexpected
I will tell you there are two things that are annoying to me.
First, as "an infertile" I have always been annoyed with people who have these unexpected or accidental pregnancies. There is nothing worse than trying for year after heartbreaking year to have a baby and listen to people complain and be shocked at an unplanned pregnancy. "We weren't trying" and "we were taking precautions and they didn't work". How fair is life, really, that it happens that way?
I love you, all my friends who have unexpected children! But it's that part of me that tried and tried and wished and hoped and prayed that would get so annoyed (i.e.-jealous) at pregnancy announcements.
The second thing that can be pretty annoying comes to me through another experience, that of an adoptive parent. An adoptive parent after infertility will hear no less than 6,487 times "just you wait - you'll adopt and then you'll get pregnant". And these well-meaning comments come from very supportive, loving friends and family and it's never meant in a bad way. Usually there is a story to back it up, but I can tell you it doesn't do much to make the pain of infertility go away.
We infertiles are incredibly sensitive in case you didn't know.
The truth is that under 10% of couples who adopt after infertility go on to get pregnant. In fact, watch this news story where they say "it is so uncommon, it is newsworthy when it happens". Less than 10% ever become pregnant after adopting a baby. So essentially, by telling an infertile or adopting couple that they will get pregnant after bringing a baby home is doing exactly the opposite of what most are trying to do: it's giving false hope.
It just doesn't happen very often. Not as often as you may think.
----------------------------
So I guess all of this is really building up to a whole other announcement. One that I've been struggling with, that has brought many tears, several near-panic attacks and a tremendous amount of guilt.
I'm pregnant.
As annoying as it may sound (because believe me, I've been annoyed) it was completely and totally a shock, unplanned, unexpected, totally out of our minds. Nothing we ever imagined would happen and certainly nothing we imagined would happen so soon after bringing our precious son home. Infertility often makes you skeptical and pessimistic, even after being blessed with SO much hope and promise in adoption.
There is still a looooooong way to go. A lot of things that could happen. But I'm finding myself crying less about selfish reasons like I did the first few days, but worrying more about the health of a baby I'm already attached to. Yesterday we went to the doctor to have everything confirmed and for the first time I had an ultrasound not to check follicle sizes on my ovaries, but to measure the size of an 8-week-old baby. And then the galloping sound of a strong, pounding heartbeat flashed and it was like living in a movie.
John and I are both still reduced to tears at one thought: we won't have the time with Colt as our only that we'd so desperately wanted. Every single time I think about that I tear up and I regret our very flippant decision to not get on birth control. He is an absolute joy and I want to shower him with love and affection and 100% attention forever because he deserves it. I can't even fathom how I will love another baby as much as I love him, I can't fathom how I can share attention, I can't fathom how I will get through this and not let Colt down.
So please feel free, all you mothers of multiple children, leave a comment reassuring me that I CAN love more than one. Please reassure me that I CAN devote time and attention to two babies. Tell me how much Colt will love having a sibling so close in age. Tell me how much fun it will be. How the hard work will be worth it. How the diapers will be plentiful, but a much shorter timeframe. Tell me that my kids will love me despite my exhaustion, how they will know no different. Please feel free to tell me all of that because right now, at this point, I cannot hear it enough.
I can't get tired of hearing how I WILL survive 2 babies 14 months apart.
So, there you go. I hesitate to complain or feel sorry for myself because I do realize what a blessing this is. I don't know if it's the shock of it all, or if it's that part of me that will always be "infertile"...never believing this can really happen and feeling guilty that it has.
I am amazed at God's unfailing love and blessings. For so long we'd been told nothing was wrong with us, and clearly nothing is. But HE knew. He knew there was a 16-year-old girl out there who needed us. He knew our son was out there and the only way to find him was to walk a broken, bumpy, beautiful road. God has always been in control of completing our family and here we are, so quickly moving from 2 of us to 3 to 4. We are blessed beyond measure and thankful God has put the lives of two babies in our hands to care for and raise.
February 24th is so far away, yet right around the corner.
First, as "an infertile" I have always been annoyed with people who have these unexpected or accidental pregnancies. There is nothing worse than trying for year after heartbreaking year to have a baby and listen to people complain and be shocked at an unplanned pregnancy. "We weren't trying" and "we were taking precautions and they didn't work". How fair is life, really, that it happens that way?
I love you, all my friends who have unexpected children! But it's that part of me that tried and tried and wished and hoped and prayed that would get so annoyed (i.e.-jealous) at pregnancy announcements.
The second thing that can be pretty annoying comes to me through another experience, that of an adoptive parent. An adoptive parent after infertility will hear no less than 6,487 times "just you wait - you'll adopt and then you'll get pregnant". And these well-meaning comments come from very supportive, loving friends and family and it's never meant in a bad way. Usually there is a story to back it up, but I can tell you it doesn't do much to make the pain of infertility go away.
We infertiles are incredibly sensitive in case you didn't know.
The truth is that under 10% of couples who adopt after infertility go on to get pregnant. In fact, watch this news story where they say "it is so uncommon, it is newsworthy when it happens". Less than 10% ever become pregnant after adopting a baby. So essentially, by telling an infertile or adopting couple that they will get pregnant after bringing a baby home is doing exactly the opposite of what most are trying to do: it's giving false hope.
It just doesn't happen very often. Not as often as you may think.
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So I guess all of this is really building up to a whole other announcement. One that I've been struggling with, that has brought many tears, several near-panic attacks and a tremendous amount of guilt.
I'm pregnant.
As annoying as it may sound (because believe me, I've been annoyed) it was completely and totally a shock, unplanned, unexpected, totally out of our minds. Nothing we ever imagined would happen and certainly nothing we imagined would happen so soon after bringing our precious son home. Infertility often makes you skeptical and pessimistic, even after being blessed with SO much hope and promise in adoption.
There is still a looooooong way to go. A lot of things that could happen. But I'm finding myself crying less about selfish reasons like I did the first few days, but worrying more about the health of a baby I'm already attached to. Yesterday we went to the doctor to have everything confirmed and for the first time I had an ultrasound not to check follicle sizes on my ovaries, but to measure the size of an 8-week-old baby. And then the galloping sound of a strong, pounding heartbeat flashed and it was like living in a movie.
John and I are both still reduced to tears at one thought: we won't have the time with Colt as our only that we'd so desperately wanted. Every single time I think about that I tear up and I regret our very flippant decision to not get on birth control. He is an absolute joy and I want to shower him with love and affection and 100% attention forever because he deserves it. I can't even fathom how I will love another baby as much as I love him, I can't fathom how I can share attention, I can't fathom how I will get through this and not let Colt down.
So please feel free, all you mothers of multiple children, leave a comment reassuring me that I CAN love more than one. Please reassure me that I CAN devote time and attention to two babies. Tell me how much Colt will love having a sibling so close in age. Tell me how much fun it will be. How the hard work will be worth it. How the diapers will be plentiful, but a much shorter timeframe. Tell me that my kids will love me despite my exhaustion, how they will know no different. Please feel free to tell me all of that because right now, at this point, I cannot hear it enough.
I can't get tired of hearing how I WILL survive 2 babies 14 months apart.
So, there you go. I hesitate to complain or feel sorry for myself because I do realize what a blessing this is. I don't know if it's the shock of it all, or if it's that part of me that will always be "infertile"...never believing this can really happen and feeling guilty that it has.
I am amazed at God's unfailing love and blessings. For so long we'd been told nothing was wrong with us, and clearly nothing is. But HE knew. He knew there was a 16-year-old girl out there who needed us. He knew our son was out there and the only way to find him was to walk a broken, bumpy, beautiful road. God has always been in control of completing our family and here we are, so quickly moving from 2 of us to 3 to 4. We are blessed beyond measure and thankful God has put the lives of two babies in our hands to care for and raise.
February 24th is so far away, yet right around the corner.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Professional Photos
Finally got those professional photos we'd been hoping for! So many to choose from, but we got a few great ones. Here are a few examples!
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Open Adoption Wish List
Heather at Production not Reproduction has posted the third forum for the Open Adoption Roundtable. This time we're to discuss our wish lists for our open adoptions.
I didn't participate in the last one, which was about the birth father. I've been kind of quiet about Colt's birth father because for 1) there's not a lot we know about him, but 2) there is a story there that we have to keep close for Colt's protection. I certainly wouldn't say he's a bad guy, because I don't know him and we didn't even find out his first name until recently. What I do know is that we are eternally grateful to him. One day I know Colt will be curious, so I hope we can find out more.
In the meantime, the personality traits we're seeing in Colt reflect so much of N, his birthmother: laid back, easy-going, generally happy, strong tolerance for pain, tough spirit. I hope some of it comes from us and the environment he's in...but we definitely don't look at him and wonder where he gets his sweet spirit from!
So, in the meantime what are my wish lists for this open adoption?
1) That we can build a healthy, perfect relationship with N. One that's easy, natural, and positive for everyone involved.
2) That N can accomplish all she dreamed for herself. So much of why she made the decision for an adoption plan was because she wanted more for her life than what being a single teen mom would provide. I pray that she can realize those dreams so that her decision will have meaning for her. I know Colt will be proud of her either way, but I sure hope it turns out like she hopes. I have this dream sometimes that we can attend her nursing school graduation and Colt is a little older and runs to hug her in her cap and gown. So when she sees him, and sees all she's accomplished she knows all that pain and hard work and tough decisions were worth it. I don't know if it will happen, but I pray about it a lot.
3) That Colt will always think of us as his parents. It's that selfish feeling that comes up for all adoptive parents. I want him to have a relationship with N, I want him to love and respect her and honor her. But at the end of the day I wish and hope that when he sees me he always sees me as Mommy.
4) That someday we can adopt a sibling for Colt, so that he doesn't have to put up with us by himself forever! And to have someone who knows this experience inside and out like he does.
5) That our experience changes the hearts and minds of people we touch. That everyone we know now knows someone who has adopted. In an open adoption. Not only lived through it, but waded through it gracefully. I pray we are the examples God wants us to be, that people look at us and see his perfect love and plan for bringing families together.
6) That no one ever refers to Colt as our "adopted son". That he's just our son. And this is something I need to work on. It's not that I throw that out there as a qualifier, I do it more because I love, love, love telling our story and talking about our agency and about N. But I know how fiercely protective I am of anyone referring to him as our "adopted son" as if he's any less our son because we adopted...therefore I need to protect our story a little more in everyday conversation. That's a strange line to have to walk.
7) That adoption is not weird, not a reason for therapy or endless behavioral excuses. That it's just part of Colt's birth story. That it's natural and positive and simply means he's surrounded by more love than he knows what to do with.
It's kind of an exhaustive wish list, but I'll work hard to make it happen!
I didn't participate in the last one, which was about the birth father. I've been kind of quiet about Colt's birth father because for 1) there's not a lot we know about him, but 2) there is a story there that we have to keep close for Colt's protection. I certainly wouldn't say he's a bad guy, because I don't know him and we didn't even find out his first name until recently. What I do know is that we are eternally grateful to him. One day I know Colt will be curious, so I hope we can find out more.
In the meantime, the personality traits we're seeing in Colt reflect so much of N, his birthmother: laid back, easy-going, generally happy, strong tolerance for pain, tough spirit. I hope some of it comes from us and the environment he's in...but we definitely don't look at him and wonder where he gets his sweet spirit from!
So, in the meantime what are my wish lists for this open adoption?
1) That we can build a healthy, perfect relationship with N. One that's easy, natural, and positive for everyone involved.
2) That N can accomplish all she dreamed for herself. So much of why she made the decision for an adoption plan was because she wanted more for her life than what being a single teen mom would provide. I pray that she can realize those dreams so that her decision will have meaning for her. I know Colt will be proud of her either way, but I sure hope it turns out like she hopes. I have this dream sometimes that we can attend her nursing school graduation and Colt is a little older and runs to hug her in her cap and gown. So when she sees him, and sees all she's accomplished she knows all that pain and hard work and tough decisions were worth it. I don't know if it will happen, but I pray about it a lot.
3) That Colt will always think of us as his parents. It's that selfish feeling that comes up for all adoptive parents. I want him to have a relationship with N, I want him to love and respect her and honor her. But at the end of the day I wish and hope that when he sees me he always sees me as Mommy.
4) That someday we can adopt a sibling for Colt, so that he doesn't have to put up with us by himself forever! And to have someone who knows this experience inside and out like he does.
5) That our experience changes the hearts and minds of people we touch. That everyone we know now knows someone who has adopted. In an open adoption. Not only lived through it, but waded through it gracefully. I pray we are the examples God wants us to be, that people look at us and see his perfect love and plan for bringing families together.
6) That no one ever refers to Colt as our "adopted son". That he's just our son. And this is something I need to work on. It's not that I throw that out there as a qualifier, I do it more because I love, love, love telling our story and talking about our agency and about N. But I know how fiercely protective I am of anyone referring to him as our "adopted son" as if he's any less our son because we adopted...therefore I need to protect our story a little more in everyday conversation. That's a strange line to have to walk.
7) That adoption is not weird, not a reason for therapy or endless behavioral excuses. That it's just part of Colt's birth story. That it's natural and positive and simply means he's surrounded by more love than he knows what to do with.
It's kind of an exhaustive wish list, but I'll work hard to make it happen!
Monday, July 06, 2009
The Fourth
There were no shortage of photo opportunities this weekend, no fewer than 4 patriotic outfits the 6-month-old wore (only 1 that Mommy washed every night and rewore to every event). We swam, we cooked out, Daddy set off fireworks, we paraded, we played outside, we played inside, we napped A LOT, we ate baked beans EVERY DAY. It was an eventful weekend that pushed this little man to the edge and back.
But the camera just wasn't used like it should have been. So what you see is about the extent of the photographic evidence of a really exhausting, super fun weekend. We even had to pass up some super fun parties because there was just so much to do and Colt was just so worn out! But I can say, he is proud to be an American and very happy to celebrate Independence Day.
By next year we'll have him saluting soldiers in the parade and waving sparklers on the back porch. And eating more baked beans.
But the camera just wasn't used like it should have been. So what you see is about the extent of the photographic evidence of a really exhausting, super fun weekend. We even had to pass up some super fun parties because there was just so much to do and Colt was just so worn out! But I can say, he is proud to be an American and very happy to celebrate Independence Day.
By next year we'll have him saluting soldiers in the parade and waving sparklers on the back porch. And eating more baked beans.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Waterbugs
One of the best things about Colt sitting up by himself all the time is that bath time is soooooo much easier now! And he seems to like splashing around, so naturally I looked forward to getting him into a pool.
And even though POOL means that I have to get into a bathing suit, I SO wanted him to like it. I found this adorable Giraffe swimming pool at the giant cheap retailer of choice (that I love to hate and hate to love) for only TEN dollars! Anna's parents had a dryer out of commission so we were a regular working laundromat for them and thought Anna might enjoy her first pool experience that night, too.
Luckily, we have two MAJOR waterbugs on our hands! They LOVED the pool, both laughed and splashed and kicked in the water. We realized after the sun was setting the water was getting very cold and neither was complaining. They just played with each other's feet in the water and the toys on the side. Eventually we brought them in for warm baths (separate, of course, what do you think we're teaching these kids?!) and they conked out not long after.
Also, visit Anna's blog for a funny video where you can hear my son's ewok laugh. It is HILARIOUS. Like a nervous laugh, but also a laugh when he's REALLY tickled!
Tomorrow we're headed to a BIG KID pool to float around and really have some fun. In the meantime, this is a pretty fun backyard alternative! Enjoy!
And even though POOL means that I have to get into a bathing suit, I SO wanted him to like it. I found this adorable Giraffe swimming pool at the giant cheap retailer of choice (that I love to hate and hate to love) for only TEN dollars! Anna's parents had a dryer out of commission so we were a regular working laundromat for them and thought Anna might enjoy her first pool experience that night, too.
Luckily, we have two MAJOR waterbugs on our hands! They LOVED the pool, both laughed and splashed and kicked in the water. We realized after the sun was setting the water was getting very cold and neither was complaining. They just played with each other's feet in the water and the toys on the side. Eventually we brought them in for warm baths (separate, of course, what do you think we're teaching these kids?!) and they conked out not long after.
Also, visit Anna's blog for a funny video where you can hear my son's ewok laugh. It is HILARIOUS. Like a nervous laugh, but also a laugh when he's REALLY tickled!
Tomorrow we're headed to a BIG KID pool to float around and really have some fun. In the meantime, this is a pretty fun backyard alternative! Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Grandmother
I have to tell you, I'm so very fortunate to have all 4 of my grandparents still living. I try not to take that for granted, I think of them often.
I'm particularly close to my mom's parents, mostly because they live closer and were the ones we spent more time with growing up. But to lose any of the four of my grandparents would be devastating.
Today we found out that Colt's birthgrandmother passed away. This was an incredibly kind, sensitive, loving, caring woman whom we had the pleasure of meeting several times. She not only helped raise N, Colt's birthmom, but she supported her through her pregnancy. She sat in on every meeting with our adoption agency. She drove N to the hospital numerous times during labor alarms. She held her hand as she gave birth to our precious son.
She kissed and held that boy while we drove to the hospital to meet him. She embraced us with open arms when we walked in the room. She comforted N as she spent time with Colt in that cold hospital room. She picked out many baby outfits and blankets for us to take home for him. She made sure to tell us about all of N and N's father's great qualities, obviously proud of the children and grandchildren she'd raised.
She walked with N across the hall to hand Colt into our arms when she checked out. She hugged us and assured us he would be a good boy for us. She kissed him, she loved us, she cried with us. And then she escorted her beloved granddaughter out of that hospital empty-handed and held her crying for months after we brought Colt home.
She laughed as he kicked and giggled when we visited her house in April. She listened intently to every detail of his growth and development, wanted to hear every story we could tell. She dug through her scrapbooks to find pictures of N as a baby for us to see and compare Colt to. And once again she kissed his sweet head goodbye as we left that day.
And my heart breaks that it was the last time he will ever see her. I mean literally breaks my heart.
She was THE support N has in her life. She was the glue that held that family together and they need lots of prayers during such a tremendous loss. I'm so thankful I have pictures of Colt and Grandma A together, because boy did she love him.
This adoption process, this welcoming of another family into yours has such effects that you can't prepare for. No one prepares you for how you'll feel when someone in your child's birthfamily passes away. I never thought about it. I never imagined how much it would hurt, how sad it would make me. I hope she knew how much we loved and appreciated her.
I'm particularly close to my mom's parents, mostly because they live closer and were the ones we spent more time with growing up. But to lose any of the four of my grandparents would be devastating.
Today we found out that Colt's birthgrandmother passed away. This was an incredibly kind, sensitive, loving, caring woman whom we had the pleasure of meeting several times. She not only helped raise N, Colt's birthmom, but she supported her through her pregnancy. She sat in on every meeting with our adoption agency. She drove N to the hospital numerous times during labor alarms. She held her hand as she gave birth to our precious son.
She kissed and held that boy while we drove to the hospital to meet him. She embraced us with open arms when we walked in the room. She comforted N as she spent time with Colt in that cold hospital room. She picked out many baby outfits and blankets for us to take home for him. She made sure to tell us about all of N and N's father's great qualities, obviously proud of the children and grandchildren she'd raised.
She walked with N across the hall to hand Colt into our arms when she checked out. She hugged us and assured us he would be a good boy for us. She kissed him, she loved us, she cried with us. And then she escorted her beloved granddaughter out of that hospital empty-handed and held her crying for months after we brought Colt home.
She laughed as he kicked and giggled when we visited her house in April. She listened intently to every detail of his growth and development, wanted to hear every story we could tell. She dug through her scrapbooks to find pictures of N as a baby for us to see and compare Colt to. And once again she kissed his sweet head goodbye as we left that day.
And my heart breaks that it was the last time he will ever see her. I mean literally breaks my heart.
She was THE support N has in her life. She was the glue that held that family together and they need lots of prayers during such a tremendous loss. I'm so thankful I have pictures of Colt and Grandma A together, because boy did she love him.
This adoption process, this welcoming of another family into yours has such effects that you can't prepare for. No one prepares you for how you'll feel when someone in your child's birthfamily passes away. I never thought about it. I never imagined how much it would hurt, how sad it would make me. I hope she knew how much we loved and appreciated her.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I had a dream...
There are several reasons why we don't make it to church on Wednesday nights, usually having to do with being tired, working late, or traveling for work. But I do aspire to someday attend church on Wednesday nights regularly. And I think God is beginning to speak to me about it.
This past Tuesday night, I had a dream. In my dream, John and I had a conversation about how he was going to play golf on Wednesday night with Randy, one of the preachers at our church.
Me: "John, you can't play golf with Randy, he's a preacher and he has to work on Wednesday nights. Going to church is part of his job."
John: "No, he talked to Kerianne (Randy's wife) and she told him it was ok to skip it for one night. We're meeting at Fairfax at 6:30."
Me: "I'm pretty sure Kerianne doesn't make the decisions on whether he takes a Wednesday night off, I'm pretty sure GOD makes that decision and I'm pretty sure he's not letting him off to go play golf with YOU."
Translation: Anderson's need to buck up and get to church on Wednesday nights. The end, Amen.
This past Tuesday night, I had a dream. In my dream, John and I had a conversation about how he was going to play golf on Wednesday night with Randy, one of the preachers at our church.
Me: "John, you can't play golf with Randy, he's a preacher and he has to work on Wednesday nights. Going to church is part of his job."
John: "No, he talked to Kerianne (Randy's wife) and she told him it was ok to skip it for one night. We're meeting at Fairfax at 6:30."
Me: "I'm pretty sure Kerianne doesn't make the decisions on whether he takes a Wednesday night off, I'm pretty sure GOD makes that decision and I'm pretty sure he's not letting him off to go play golf with YOU."
Translation: Anderson's need to buck up and get to church on Wednesday nights. The end, Amen.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Why we need a professional photographer
On Sunday (Happy John Day!) we found ourselves at one point laying on our bed watching Ocean's 11, all 3 of us propped up on our elbows and happily enjoying the moment. I casually mentioned to John we should grab the camera and set the timer and take a picture of the 3 of us laying like that and capture such a relaxed and happy family moment.
Of course, what Colt heard was "hey, Daddy, let's take away all of Colt's toys and never feed him any food again and make sure to leave him alone in his bedroom with no blankets or pacifiers and just for kicks we'll make him wear socks that are too tight and cut off the circulation at his ankles". Thus, before John could get the camera set onto the dresser for the shot of the happy family moment he began to cry. By the time the camera caught our family portrait, he'd buried his face into the blankets in a sad, pathetic wail.
Which is why I'm hoping this weekend to make an appointment for a professional family portrait session.
Of course, what Colt heard was "hey, Daddy, let's take away all of Colt's toys and never feed him any food again and make sure to leave him alone in his bedroom with no blankets or pacifiers and just for kicks we'll make him wear socks that are too tight and cut off the circulation at his ankles". Thus, before John could get the camera set onto the dresser for the shot of the happy family moment he began to cry. By the time the camera caught our family portrait, he'd buried his face into the blankets in a sad, pathetic wail.
Which is why I'm hoping this weekend to make an appointment for a professional family portrait session.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Happy John Day!
I know it's a day late, but that's how things seem to be these days...but Happy Anniversary AND Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband, John!
I wrote in his first Father's Day card that the last 6 years have been amazing and wonderful but they've been even better the last 6 months. I can't imagine a better partner on this adventure of marriage or parenthood. I truly believe God designed him just for me (to both test my patience and break down the barriers of love in my heart!) and I do thank my lucky stars every night. Even on nights after he's been golfing.
My best friend got married this weekend, which was both a celebration of love and commitment to remind me again of what a gift marriage and family can be AND it was a lot of me putting my own marriage and anniversary on hold to get her through this weekend. John was wonderfully loving and supportive of this, and so I do owe him a weekend of celebrating his first Father's Day (though I did spend hours watching golf with him yesterday so that in and of itself is a GIFT) and our anniversary since so much of me was spent designing programs, burning CD's, squeezing into bridesmaid a dress, dancing with a ringbearer, eating cake, hosting 8 women in my kitchen to get their hair and makeup done, driving to the chapel and back numerous times, calming the anxious bride, and various other matron of honor duties. John was great to share me with her.
I've been wanting to do a post for a while on marriage, especially about a song that I think speaks so much about marriage today and what it SHOULD be. Watching Hollywood marriages fall apart(tear - Jon and Kate), divorce such an easy option...I am thankful for my husband and I'm thankful for each passing year we have together. It's not always easy. I imagine it won't always be easy and it will probably get harder some days. But I promised "until death do us part" and I take that very, very seriously. Most days, though, are awesome and he's incredibly patient and kind and loving to me. More on that and a beautiful song to come.
I love you, Honey. You're the most wonderful, natural father. Colt lights up when he sees you and I love watching you with him. What a special day, to celebrate Father's Day and our anniversary on the same day. I thank God for you, and our life together. I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
I wrote in his first Father's Day card that the last 6 years have been amazing and wonderful but they've been even better the last 6 months. I can't imagine a better partner on this adventure of marriage or parenthood. I truly believe God designed him just for me (to both test my patience and break down the barriers of love in my heart!) and I do thank my lucky stars every night. Even on nights after he's been golfing.
My best friend got married this weekend, which was both a celebration of love and commitment to remind me again of what a gift marriage and family can be AND it was a lot of me putting my own marriage and anniversary on hold to get her through this weekend. John was wonderfully loving and supportive of this, and so I do owe him a weekend of celebrating his first Father's Day (though I did spend hours watching golf with him yesterday so that in and of itself is a GIFT) and our anniversary since so much of me was spent designing programs, burning CD's, squeezing into bridesmaid a dress, dancing with a ringbearer, eating cake, hosting 8 women in my kitchen to get their hair and makeup done, driving to the chapel and back numerous times, calming the anxious bride, and various other matron of honor duties. John was great to share me with her.
I've been wanting to do a post for a while on marriage, especially about a song that I think speaks so much about marriage today and what it SHOULD be. Watching Hollywood marriages fall apart(tear - Jon and Kate), divorce such an easy option...I am thankful for my husband and I'm thankful for each passing year we have together. It's not always easy. I imagine it won't always be easy and it will probably get harder some days. But I promised "until death do us part" and I take that very, very seriously. Most days, though, are awesome and he's incredibly patient and kind and loving to me. More on that and a beautiful song to come.
I love you, Honey. You're the most wonderful, natural father. Colt lights up when he sees you and I love watching you with him. What a special day, to celebrate Father's Day and our anniversary on the same day. I thank God for you, and our life together. I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
What does 6-months look like?
Dearest, darling Colt,
Yesterday you were 6 months old. That's half a year. Or 26 weeks. Or, in Mama's measurements, a new carseat, a retired swing, 11 new baby foods, several dozen outgrown outfits, a new pacifier, a retired baby bathtub, a newfound screaming voice, a highchair, and a million smiles and giggles.
I literally ache to see you each day, you are so much fun. Except, I will say you are not so much fun in restaurants anymore. There was last weekend at the Steak n Shake with the screaming and the impatience with the spoon and the reaching for my drink and the wiggles and squirming out of the highchair. Yeah...looks like we're eating in a lot more.
But that's ok! Because there are so many things I love about 6 months. Specifically about YOU at 6 months. Let's talk about the most important thing: food. You have inherited your daddy and mommy's love of food. Ok, so there may be a little Aunt Robin and Mimi and Grandma's love of food in there, too. And you definitely don't take after Daddy and me - you LOVE veggies, green veggies to be exact. You actually haven't tasted anything you don't like. Oatmeal isn't your favorite but, hey, oatmeal with a little applesauce and we're in business!
When you see your highchair you start flapping your arms and kicking your legs. There is an excited sound you make that quickly turns into a scream of utter annoyance that you're sitting, being buckled in, why is there not a spoon in you mouth?! And puffs...you literally knew how to chew from the moment a puff was placed in your mouth. You were born to be an eater. And you eat A LOT. The sadness when the food is gone, the agony of your cries that it's over...it's almost more than I can bear.
You're growing up so fast. Just look at the different things around you! A new big boy car seat, the highchair, new toys. We retired the swing (it groaned and creaked everytime we placed you in it). Your OU pacifier wore out, so we gave you a new one. You outgrew the baby bath and we're trying the laundry sink and even a few times in the big bathtub! We're now packing your diaper bag with toys and books and baby food and spoons...it's much heavier.
You're sitting up now! I cannot get over how big you look sitting up all by yourself. You're starting to grab toys while you sit, but mostly you just like to view the world from a tall angle and are happy to sit and observe. You're not so much into reading books (very squirmy) but you would sing songs and clap hands all day. In fact, singing ABC's will instantly make you smile.
Not too long ago, when we retired the swing, I started singing to you when you needed to go to sleep. I never knew how special that would be for me or for you. Sometimes I sing all our Bible songs and nursery rhymes so then I start singing what I know best. So if someone makes fun of you because you know the words to "Oops I Did it Again" just blame me. But I try to sing some Eagles and Beatles and Neil Diamond and Elton John and Billy Joel, too. I won't sentence you to a life of late-90s pop.
Last night I introduced you to a terrible habit...jumping on the bed. You were laying on our bed and I started bounding you and the most uproarious giggle, the music I want to hear all day every day came flooding out of your mouth. We sang about little monkeys jumping on the bed and we bounced and bounced and I didn't want to stop except that it makes mommy very tired so I had to. There have also been two days this week that you and I have taken long naps in mommy and daddy's bed and I pretty much swore I'd never do that, but oh how I love it.
You've started a phase where you cry when we turn our backs to walk out of a room. You hate to be left alone, and if you can't see us we hear about it. I'm not annoyed by this clingyness yet...I LOVE that you want me around you all the time!
So 6 months...yeah, I like it a lot. Every day you learn something new and you teach me something, too. Every day I thank God that I have the privilege of being YOUR mommy. I had no idea, it still takes my breath away every day - this joy of having you in our home and my heart.
I love you to the moon...and back,
Mommy
Yesterday you were 6 months old. That's half a year. Or 26 weeks. Or, in Mama's measurements, a new carseat, a retired swing, 11 new baby foods, several dozen outgrown outfits, a new pacifier, a retired baby bathtub, a newfound screaming voice, a highchair, and a million smiles and giggles.
I literally ache to see you each day, you are so much fun. Except, I will say you are not so much fun in restaurants anymore. There was last weekend at the Steak n Shake with the screaming and the impatience with the spoon and the reaching for my drink and the wiggles and squirming out of the highchair. Yeah...looks like we're eating in a lot more.
But that's ok! Because there are so many things I love about 6 months. Specifically about YOU at 6 months. Let's talk about the most important thing: food. You have inherited your daddy and mommy's love of food. Ok, so there may be a little Aunt Robin and Mimi and Grandma's love of food in there, too. And you definitely don't take after Daddy and me - you LOVE veggies, green veggies to be exact. You actually haven't tasted anything you don't like. Oatmeal isn't your favorite but, hey, oatmeal with a little applesauce and we're in business!
When you see your highchair you start flapping your arms and kicking your legs. There is an excited sound you make that quickly turns into a scream of utter annoyance that you're sitting, being buckled in, why is there not a spoon in you mouth?! And puffs...you literally knew how to chew from the moment a puff was placed in your mouth. You were born to be an eater. And you eat A LOT. The sadness when the food is gone, the agony of your cries that it's over...it's almost more than I can bear.
You're growing up so fast. Just look at the different things around you! A new big boy car seat, the highchair, new toys. We retired the swing (it groaned and creaked everytime we placed you in it). Your OU pacifier wore out, so we gave you a new one. You outgrew the baby bath and we're trying the laundry sink and even a few times in the big bathtub! We're now packing your diaper bag with toys and books and baby food and spoons...it's much heavier.
You're sitting up now! I cannot get over how big you look sitting up all by yourself. You're starting to grab toys while you sit, but mostly you just like to view the world from a tall angle and are happy to sit and observe. You're not so much into reading books (very squirmy) but you would sing songs and clap hands all day. In fact, singing ABC's will instantly make you smile.
Not too long ago, when we retired the swing, I started singing to you when you needed to go to sleep. I never knew how special that would be for me or for you. Sometimes I sing all our Bible songs and nursery rhymes so then I start singing what I know best. So if someone makes fun of you because you know the words to "Oops I Did it Again" just blame me. But I try to sing some Eagles and Beatles and Neil Diamond and Elton John and Billy Joel, too. I won't sentence you to a life of late-90s pop.
Last night I introduced you to a terrible habit...jumping on the bed. You were laying on our bed and I started bounding you and the most uproarious giggle, the music I want to hear all day every day came flooding out of your mouth. We sang about little monkeys jumping on the bed and we bounced and bounced and I didn't want to stop except that it makes mommy very tired so I had to. There have also been two days this week that you and I have taken long naps in mommy and daddy's bed and I pretty much swore I'd never do that, but oh how I love it.
You've started a phase where you cry when we turn our backs to walk out of a room. You hate to be left alone, and if you can't see us we hear about it. I'm not annoyed by this clingyness yet...I LOVE that you want me around you all the time!
So 6 months...yeah, I like it a lot. Every day you learn something new and you teach me something, too. Every day I thank God that I have the privilege of being YOUR mommy. I had no idea, it still takes my breath away every day - this joy of having you in our home and my heart.
I love you to the moon...and back,
Mommy
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
One quick send-over
New post (one of the final ones!) on open adoption at Here's to Hope. Hopefully soon I will be exclusively here!
Top Gun
Look at our little Maverick! In a big boy carseat, sporting his way cool sunglasses. Some people even say they can see a red tint in his hair, so there is hope of a redhead yet!This kid is such a stud, he will charm the socks off anyone he meets. He causes waitresses to swoon and ask to hold him; he invites his teachers to come to work early to play with him; older kids at daycare swarm around him like a celebrity when they see him; perfect strangers (blog friends) love on him like he's a little brother.
Colt will probably be a giant headache as a teenager, but will have a million fans as he goes. T-R-O-U-B-L-E is what we're in for! I can't wait.
**But yes I can, because it's already going waaaaaay too fast!**
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Lullabies
I just had to post this so I can remember this experience and treasure it for a long time.
When we first brought Colt home, we knew that what would work for our family as far as sleeping was taking shifts. In order to keep me sane, I have to take the middle-of-the-night shift, and John took the late-night shift. There have been two nights only that I have taken that late-night shift, and it was when John was traveling. That's how serious it is.
What that means is that I never, ever put Colt to sleep. And what has worked up until now is that we swaddle and swing him around 9:00-ish, and John does one more late-night feeding around 11.
Colt has almost outgrown the swing. Weight limit is around 25 pounds, Colt is just shy of 25 pounds at this point. So we agreed we would start removing the swinging equation of his bedtime routine in order to get him used to that. Plus we are going to be forced to stop swaddling soon (again - his size) and we didn't want to take both away at the same time.
We laid him in his crib and he was just not having it. So I went in, turned on his nightlight and took him out to rock him. I tried to read "Goodnight Moon" but he was struggling so hard. So I began to sing. And almost immediately he was still.
I sang "Jesus Loves Me" about 5 times before moving on to "You Are My Sunshine", "Blue Skies and Rainbows", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", and "Twinkle, Twinkle". It was absolutely amazing to look at him, see him calmed by my voice, and watch him drift to sleep while I sang in my best warbling lullaby voice.
It's really a dream come true, and I wish I'd started this earlier. I cannot say enough that watching him calm like that to MY voice was magical. He's usually so busy that he doesn't cuddle a lot, and how precious those times are to me.
So at least someone enjoys my voice! And it's nights like this that my "oh my gosh I'm a mom" meter registers off the charts.
I think I'll make this a habit.
When we first brought Colt home, we knew that what would work for our family as far as sleeping was taking shifts. In order to keep me sane, I have to take the middle-of-the-night shift, and John took the late-night shift. There have been two nights only that I have taken that late-night shift, and it was when John was traveling. That's how serious it is.
What that means is that I never, ever put Colt to sleep. And what has worked up until now is that we swaddle and swing him around 9:00-ish, and John does one more late-night feeding around 11.
Colt has almost outgrown the swing. Weight limit is around 25 pounds, Colt is just shy of 25 pounds at this point. So we agreed we would start removing the swinging equation of his bedtime routine in order to get him used to that. Plus we are going to be forced to stop swaddling soon (again - his size) and we didn't want to take both away at the same time.
We laid him in his crib and he was just not having it. So I went in, turned on his nightlight and took him out to rock him. I tried to read "Goodnight Moon" but he was struggling so hard. So I began to sing. And almost immediately he was still.
I sang "Jesus Loves Me" about 5 times before moving on to "You Are My Sunshine", "Blue Skies and Rainbows", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", and "Twinkle, Twinkle". It was absolutely amazing to look at him, see him calmed by my voice, and watch him drift to sleep while I sang in my best warbling lullaby voice.
It's really a dream come true, and I wish I'd started this earlier. I cannot say enough that watching him calm like that to MY voice was magical. He's usually so busy that he doesn't cuddle a lot, and how precious those times are to me.
So at least someone enjoys my voice! And it's nights like this that my "oh my gosh I'm a mom" meter registers off the charts.
I think I'll make this a habit.
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